Premature Birth

Kim

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As you all know I had my little girl 3 weeks early. My problem is that I am still finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that she is here. I feel like I am still in shock. I thought I wouldn't miss being pregnant but now I think I do. I feel really cheated that I didn't get those last few weeks before she arrived to prepare for her. I keep finding things around the house that I meant to do before she was born and feel like crying because it all happened so quickly and I can't get my head round it. I never even got a picture when she is born because I hadn't had time to pack a camera. A lot may be to do with the fact that I missed the whole of Christmas too which was difficult for me. Most women on here are doing all they can to get their little one out and I wish mine had stayed there a bit longer. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter to bits and wouldn't change her for the world and I know I sound really horrible and selfish but it's how I feel. Does anyone else who gave birth prematurely feel like me?
 
I can totally understand where you're coming from and I'm ashamed to say I sometimes look upon the other January mums and think "why can't that be me posting my 37weeks bump now?". I feel jealous that they get to experience what it is like to be pregnant past 34 weeks.

There were many times in my pregnancy I just wanted it to be over, but now I wish I had had a chance to enjoy it. I dont think I ever REALLY enjoyed my pregnancy, and it almost makes me want to be pregnant again just so that I can really enjoy and get back what I missed out on. My chances are though, my next pregnancy will be even more premature than Damien...and that scares me. With that thought in mind it makes me feel like I never want to do it again, as I'll miss out on even more.

Damien is hard work anyway with his strict feeding routine (that has been given to us by Paed), his trapped wind, and his general delicate nature and now he has a bloody cold or something making him impossible to put down to sleep. OH went back to work today and I barely get a rest. I am so tired and fed up.

Sometimes I wish I had more time with him inside me, and had time to see my due date fly past my eyes and get really impatient waiting for him...at least then he wouldnt be such hard work. I know all babies need feeing and alot of parents do put them on a feeding routine, but I don't get a break. Inbetween feeding him and winding him for an hour and then holding him upright for 30minutes, then laying him down only for him to kick and scream and cough until I pick him up and hold him upright to sleep again. Even then he is still uncomfortable.

I just feel very cheated in my pregnancy experience and that my conselation prize seems to be not that much fun.

I love Damien, I really do, but I wish I'd got to full term.

(I'm sorry if anyone has read this and thinks I am a bad person.)
 
neither of u r bad mums - i think if i had gone pre term i would have felt the same - after all the last week etc is ment to b u time - but u r both doing a good job n have got loverly babies for it
 
Thanks Sarah

Kim if you ever want a chat - you know where I am. I understand how hard things can be with a preemie and we are obviously both feeling the same emotionally.

Being a parent I know is a emotional time and sometimes I dont know if I am handling it worse because Damien is prem, or because I am just that type of person who can't deal with stuff like this?

I really don't know how to explain the feeling that I've missed out on having a full term baby. I feel like it's my fault because my body isn't capable of doing it/having a 'normal' pregnancy.

Stupid really.. I should be bloody greatful he is here, he is well, and he is home.
 
your not bad mums i think we all go through the stage of missing being pg and wishing u had babs inside just that little longer i did even though i was so fed up and wanted him out by 30 something weeks!
but look on the bright side you have beautiful babies it can be hard your emotions after having a baby are all over the place but you will get through it and the days where you will be watching them smile are just round the corner and even if youve had a sleepness night it doesnt matter when u see them growing :lol:
 
Thanks for all the replies guys I feel better and less gulity now.

Sami - I will PM you whenI get a minute to myself lol!!

Thanks again
 
hiya i have sort of missed this but o well i will reply anyway :D

when i had kylie she was 4 weeks early and i was only 14 so i was very very shellshocked and i just had no idea what to do or how i should do it and i had to be really careful with her and stay in hospital for ages and then when i got her home that really stressed me out and i just couldnt cope- i wished i had never got pregnant in the 1st place and i wished she would just go away so i could be a 'normal' teenager again :( then i just wouldnt do anything for her i just sat and watched her cry and stuff. i cant believe it now but then i felt like i couldnt do anything else! the hv eventually got me going and showed me what to do and i think we bonded :D (me and kylie, not me and hv) kylie was about 5 weeks old by this time

the hv said it was normal to be really stressed and upset and angry and all that after having a preemie. anyway i am so glad that demi wasnt a preemie- i have no idea how i would have done it!

luv marylou xxxxxx
 

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