Pregnant and Not Together with the Father?

nikki32393

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Please help me!! I'm freaking out. I have been dating this guy for about 7 months now, but the last month has been very difficult to even see each other with our schedules, & he is leaving for 3 months in February so we knew it was gonna have to end and we would stay in touch. I like him A LOT - We have a lot of the same morals, beliefs, interests, etc. and maybe in another time we would have worked out more seamlessly. We were both traveling a bunch last month and didn't see each other so I was more lackadaisical with my birth control and missed a few. Of course we hooked up when we saw each other & I just found out that I'm about 3w pregnant. I know he is going to lose his mind and I have no idea how or when to tell him. I was thinking about waiting till its more likely its gonna "stick" & telling him then, but that will have to be over the phone because he's going home (3 hr plane ride) till April. I'm really worried about how he is going to react...We both come from traditional homes and are very family oriented. I know he wants kids just not necessarily now and not necessarily with me. He really trusts me & I'm worried he will think I am trying to trap him given the flimsy nature of our relationship the last month and that he makes a lot of money. I could easily have the baby & collect child support, but I don't want to do that & I don't want him to resent me. I will be 26, him 29 when the baby comes. So we are old enough but I can't do it alone. Please advise.
 
For a start, yes you can do it on your own if that's what you decide to do. I was 20 when I left my son's dad (son was 2 months old) different situation as he was abusive, but I did it and I was fine. My son is happy and healthy - I didn't meet my now husband until a year later, obviously we then dated for a while so he didn't get involved in my sons life straight away. Being a single parent is hard, but it is very do-able and there is so much more support out there for parents than there used to be.

I would tell him sooner rather than later, it means that you will know where you stand with him and won't have this extra worry of how he will react. Hopefully he will be supportive of you, but even if he isn't - at least you will know and you won't have it hanging over your head.

I hope he takes it well though, whether you stay together or not - you both made this baby so he will be in the wrong to blame you. Good luck
 
As above I would tell him asap, there's no 'right time' to tell someone. Plus it would be much better to have a proper conversation about it face to face.

I have never been a single parent, however my husband works away an awful lot to provide for us so he's very rarely here with us, so it's like being a single parent most of the time other than I get financial support.
If you have to do this on your own, you totally can!!! For me having a baby was far easier than I ever expected. Yes it has its moments but its completely amazing, being a mother comes so naturally and it's so so worth it, it really is!
In general i honestly find it much easier on my own and sticking to a routine than I do when hubby is home. When he's around, as lovely as it is to have him home and spending time with us it's like my life has been thrown upside down, routine goes out the window and I struggle to stay on top of everything so I find it more stressful. I prefer it when it's just me and DS in a sense, although I love my hubby to pieces. It's hard to explain, but I guess my point is that having an OH doesn't always make it easier. I have done everything for DS since he was born because of DH work schedule and that's how I like it. You CAN do this if you want the baby, it WILL be worth it and I'm sure family will support you too :)
Babies are completely amazing, far more so than I expected. Please don't be put off by being alone (if it comes to that, he might be overjoyed and be with you every step of the way!), if you want this baby, try to relax and you can make it work. Good luck!
 
I agree that telling him is the best way to find out if he can be there for you or not, but prepare a few things to say and be ready to listen to what he says as objectively as possible. Keep in mind that when you found out you probably freaked out a lot and try not to be offended if he has a natural reaction and needs some time.

The best thing to be in this situation is not too clingy if you can avoid it. Let him know what you told us, that this isn't what you were planning and you don't want him to misunderstand because you do like him a lot but were struggling to tell him right away because you didn't want him to feel pressured. If he is mature enough to handle the truth, he is a keeper. You can explain that you don't want him to think badly etc because of the situation you are both in, but keep in mind you don't need to say things more than once or try to convince him of anything. Let him know if you hope for something but make the difference that you are not expecting it.

Basically, hope for the best but plan for the worst. See if you can find happiness in between. We're all rooting for you, please let us know what you decide!
 

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