potentially a single parent

[EmmBee123]

Don't know what to do. Had a big argument with OH this evening and it looks like we're close to the end.

He's saying he doesn't feel that I put him first in anything and that there's no structure in my life.

The argument started this afternoon when his sister who is visiting from up north called wanting to come round, I had plans and said to OH that I was sticking to them. (In my opinion you don't call someone and just expect them to be free an hour later) OH said I prioritised my friends over his family (this is a sister I've met twice who is quite nice but still someone I barely know) and that I always put him bottom of the list.

He thinks I don't love him. Trouble is, I'm growing tired of constantly reassuring him that I do.
He suggested me going back to my mum's but I can't stand the thought of being a single parent.
Apparently he's not attracted to me any more and thinks I blame not getting dolled up on bump, to be honest it's not an excuse, it's hard to feel attractive with puffy ankles and swollen feet and hands, constant heartburn, under eye bags from not sleeping and constantly feeling hot and clammy in this heat, have tried to explain my point of view but he's so critical of me that I'm wondering if there's anything I can do.

Sorry about the rant, just needed to let off some steam!

 

[AbbyJ]

Oh you poor thing! Sounds like your fella needs a slap, how unsupportive can you get! Maybe you should suggest he goes back to his mum for a bit as he's the one acting like a selfish child. So sorry you going though this, I knwo exactly what you eman about feeling unattractive, you need encouragement and affection not criticism. I hope it works out for you x

 

[knopk@]

FFS, how can you say things like that to a woman who is carrying YOUR baby? He needs a good slap.
Does look like you need to talk, hopefully he is just being silly and realises it soon.

 

[cosmicgirl]

I'd rather be a single parent that be with a man who shows me no support and respect. He sounds like he needs to grow up and join the real world x

 

[roxane 1985]

first of all ignor him he is a bloke and lets face it how often do they talk sense

2nd someone who thinks that is not worth having round as they will just bring you down all the time

finally as for being a single parent trust me its not that bad, i raised my daughter on my own from the age of 10 months and she is almost 4, i was 23 when i left her dad, i worked 21 hrs a week, paid for her nursery, only got a little bit of help such as working tax and child tax credits, no financial help from her dad or physical help. my parents helped when they could. there were times when it was hard i wont lie. but my daughter has grown to be a very intelligent kind thoughtful and amazing little girl and i cant take 100% of the credit for it lol it may not be the most ideal situatuion or one that someone wants to find themselves in but sometimes its for the best especially as its means the child wont be surrounded by animosity xxxxx

 

[Sarah13]

Hope your ok and things have calmed down this morning. Sounds like your OH is being unreasonable though, could you imagine what life would be like if men were pregnant!

Hopefully its just a stressy blip and you wont split. He needs to learn to try and boost how your feeling not make you feel worse. I know my hubby is lying when he says I look nice etc just now but that's not the point, we want to hear nice things as we are carrying their baby after all, they have to share in this and it's not for long in the whole scheme of things. I think men get jealous they don't get all the attention so act like big kids saying things they don't really mean without thinking how hurtful they can be esp with all our hormones!

 

[Jaxx01]

Wow what an incredibly supportive and not selfish at all partner you have there!!!

Why do men think it's all about them?? grr makes me mad...

Hunni, being a single parent is not bad at all...it is a bit tough but not as tough as being in a miserable relationship!!

I raised my little man from 8 months old on my own and now Im pregnant and my partner left so Im doing it all again!!! It's not as bad as people make out and it's sooo worthwhile when you look at your kids xxx

 

[DW1978]

I'm so sorry your DH is being such an idiot. I hope things have calmed down this morning. Do you really think it's all over or do you both want to work to save your marriage? Would your DH go to marriage councilling? I went with my DH when we went through a really rocky patch and it really helped having a mediator there as a go-between as it meant that we actually talked about our problems and didn't just shout at each other - we can both tend to say things that we don't mean out of nastiness and wanting to hurt each other when it gets to that stage. Only problem is DH easily forgets what is said but I can't.

Sending you lots of hugs, hope you manage to find a way through either way, whatever is best for you xxx

 

[Coco pops]

Oh hun....men are a pile of poo sometimes xxxx

 

[almeria]

this is typical man thinking... why aren't i number one?
if he feels this way now, just wait until baby comes and you are looking after LO 24/7, he won't get a look in then!
if he can't cope and man up, i'd tell him he needs to seriously reconsider his position, and yes, he can go stay with his mum, he obviously needs the mothering!

 

[Xcitedmum]

hmmm it sounds to me like this whole problem can be sorted out with a bit of compromise from both parties. To be honest I think I would have delayed my plans for his sister coming as shes obvioulsy made an effort in that she's not someone you see on a regular basis so I think maybe she was just trying to be thoughtful in coming to see you both? I may be way off the mark on that one but thats what I get from reading your post.

Now I must also admit that your OH saying things about your appearance etc at a time when none of us feels attractive was just downright thoughtless and stupid on his behalf.

Try not to get too wound up by it all, it seems that he has just mentioned you going to your mums in the heat of the moment. Again easier said than done, but try not to take it to heart.

Deep breaths then try talking to him - am sure your marriage isn't over. Its just an argument that has got out of hand like a lot of them do.

Really hope you can get it sorted out xxx

 

[Hayley1608]

You are supposed to be starting the most beautiful and important journey through parenthood together and he is immature and selfish enough to tell you that you dont get "dolled up" anymore?!

If that is really what he thinks is most important than tbh i would rather be on my own than have somebody around who is only going to bring you down further.

I do understand however that the last thing you want right now is to be on your own... its scary being a mum to be. Let alone a mum to be who now has to face everything on her own. Unfortunately i cant offer you advice on that but the ladies who have commented on here seem to have managed more than fine without anybody so so can you if you need to hun

Dont feel bad about not changing your plans... i bloody well wouldnt have either! If people cant be considerate enough to let you know that they are coming in advance then why the heck should you consider changing your plans?!

Hope everything is better now... give that man of yours a good talking to though sweet!

xx

 

[emmielucy]

It's not shameful being a single parent. I've actively chosen to be one.

 

[Geminiblue]

I agreed with Xcitedmum2be, I do think you should have delayed your plans for his sister asyou say you dont see her much shed travelled a long way. I think he was hurt and when people are hurt they say hurtfulthings.

BUT what he has said is wrong. What the hell is he going to think when your baby comes and youve been up all night with a crying baby, and it wont stop even for you to get in the shower and wash your hair??? I am one for makeup and doing my hair and I actually left the house when I first had my little boy with clean but not blow dried hair and no makeup....I was a shocking mess, so tired and emotional, Jude had colic. Some men think things like this though unfortunately babe, its hard but true

Hope it sorts itself out xxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

I hope your ok! My mum was a single mum since I was a baby. She was 20 and brought me up, went back to school and got a PHD. She's an amazing successful strong woman. If she can do it, you can too! Good luck and I do hope it doesn't come to that but if it does, you can do it xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

I'm so sorry your DH is being such an idiot. I hope things have calmed down this morning. Do you really think it's all over or do you both want to work to save your marriage? Would your DH go to marriage councilling? I went with my DH when we went through a really rocky patch and it really helped having a mediator there as a go-between as it meant that we actually talked about our problems and didn't just shout at each other - we can both tend to say things that we don't mean out of nastiness and wanting to hurt each other when it gets to that stage. Only problem is DH easily forgets what is said but I can't.

Sending you lots of hugs, hope you manage to find a way through either way, whatever is best for you xxx

^^^ what she said xxx

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk

 

[EmmBee123]

Thanks ladies,

We've gone down the counselling route (we've enquired for us, as well as OH asking for himself to sort through problems he has), we'll see if it works.

It's strange because from being a complete ogre the other day, last night he was really quite nice. It's like he has a Jeckyll and Hyde personality sometimes.

 

[knopk@]

I really hope councelling helps hun, all the best to you and feel free to come here to vent

 

[Sarah13]

Hope it works out for you, he sounds like the one with the pregnancy hormones! If you both want it to work and willing to give things your best shot that's the main thing, good luck x