post natal depression.... do i have it?

[Stressyhead]

Hi ladies, potentially a difficult subject to broach but i wonder if i have pnd

I gave birth on 6th november to a beautiful baby girl. Shes nearly 8 weeks now and in summary i just dont feel right?

Id been trying for a year with no luck and conceived when i was having problems with my hubby and wasnt thinking about it. However, the pregnancy really brought us together as a couple and hes really come through as a dad, very organised and bought everything you can think of and was really organised. The actual birth was horrendous, i nearly died and hubby completely took over care for us both after we left the hospital.

Anyway i struggled to cope with being a new mum at first, terrified that i wouldnt know what to do with my little girl once hubby went back to work. Cried for the whole of the first month. Things did get better but the feeling of hopelessness remains.

I dont cry every day now but i do fear of being a bad mum every day that passes. I also keep imagining what life would be like if i lost her - and doesnt bear thinking about. I pray every day for her safety and happiness. I am so careful with her - as shes so fragile but hubby is less so than me and says i am being too cautious (he thinks nothing of turning her upside down to make her burp - this fills me with sheer horror and dread!)

This is really hard to admit also but i know i love her and definately dont resent her its just some days when its just us i cant even have a wash or get dressed without her screaming for me and i feel like i cant even go to the loo by myself anymore. When hubby gets home he takes her for an hour whilst i bathe, catch up on all of the housework etc but even when im sitting in the bath he'll come upstairs with her and ask when ill be finished? Bless her shes a good baby most of the time but i havent spent more than a couple of hours without her and yes i missed her in that time but it just feels like its constant and im just a little overwhelmed...

Hubby agreed to take on 2 out of 7 nights a week to tend to her when she wakes in the night - im really quiet when its my turn and really careful not to wake hubby but when its his turn hes loud and stomping around the bedroom talking to her in a normal voice which wakes me up then he brags that whenever its his night she sleeps more because hes normal with her whereas im too soft...

When i mention a nap at the weekends he looks at me funny and says yes ok but dont you nap during the week? Or why as you do nothing and sit there with her all day?

When she wakes in the night i find it takes me a good hour or so to get back to sleep even though shes settled within minutes. Im snapping at my husband even though hes being great sorting out the bills, driving me everywhere at the weekends and looking after her for an hour in the evening. And i know i should be grateful... both mine and his parents say i should consider myself v lucky as my/his dad did nothing when we were babies which i know i am.
..

Sorry for the long post its just i wonder if i am getting depressed i constantly feel tired moody and irritable BUT my libido has gone through the roof and he cant keep up with me sometimes??

Argh i dont know thanks for anyone who has got to the end and sorry for the pity party xxx

 

[Stressyhead]

Also forgot to add i have some family issues at the moment, grandad had a stroke, nan has dementia, my mum is having to be their full time carer as they refused social services help, shes drinking heavily as i smell alcohol on her all the time and she says its just perfume but i found an empty vodka bottle in her bag. Shes done this before and promised she'd stop years ago so dont know whether its continued from then or shes started again but she was meant to have my little girl next year when i go back to work... how can i tell her she cant look after her own granddaughter x

 

[SunnySue]

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time
I would definatley speak to your gp or hv hun. Some of the feelings you have are perfectly normal, and we all all have moments were we feel like this as new mother's BUT if you are feeling like this regularly you should speak to someone.
It won't help you or your lo to keep putting it off, the as sooner you contact your gp/hv the sooner you can get help hun.
Wishing you all the best x

 

[BunnyN]

If you feel like that all the time and it is not passing you might want to speak to someone about PND. Feelling overwhelmed doesn't make you a bad mother though, otherwise we'd all be bad mothers! Almost all new mums feel overwhelmed at some point. Newborns are very needy and you are just learning how to do it all while very sleep deprived and still recovering from labour and pregnancy with a huge dose of hormones thrown in.

I remember the first time OH went to work I was still sat in bed feeding her when he came home. I desperately needed to eat, drink, shower and most of all pee but I just couldn't work out how to deal with my needs and her needs at the same time! People kept telling me I needed to take naps in the day time.... yeh right, I wish! I quickly realised that was not going to happen! I settled on having a really hot shower when I got the chance which at least made me feel human again. I didn't even think about doing housework or cooking in the first weeks. I had a very supportive OH and extended family and loved being a mum but still found it hard. It sounds like you are under a lot of extra stress and pressure too so it is no wonder you are finding it hard.

Get help where you can get it and ask for it where you can, though I can see its a tricky situation with your mum. Small amounts of help at the right time make all the difference. Try speaking to OH about how you feel. Try not to approach it like he is doing it wrong, just explain that you are struggling. I found I had to remember I was feeling sleep deprived, hormonal and protective when I spoke to OH and not be snappy and give him credit where it was due or he would get discouraged and help less. Still I had to ask him for help with specific things or he didn't know what to do. I also explained to him that when he wasn't careful about some things I couldn't help but keep checking on her or stressing about it so I wasn't getting the chance to relax or get anything done even when he was doing a good job looking after her. We managed to compromise on how we did some things to the point we were both happy.

Also it really is true that it gets easier. I promise it wont be this hard forever. Having a baby is always hard work but it is quite different from the newborn stage where they need you almost constantly and can't wait for anything. Try not to stress if some things like housework get behind, you will have time for that later.

 

[BunnyN]

Oh yeh, and I couldn't get enough after LO was born. I think it must have been how the hormones effected me. I was soooo sleep deprived and still wanted sex. OH had a bad leg which made it tricky for him too. I kept reading about how other ladies were putting it off for as long as possible and their men were gasping for it so I felt like the odd one out. Good to know I'm not the only one .

 

[JD.Deedee]

Have a chat with your GP. Do you perhaps feel like you have a hard time putting the events of labour in place? I had a chat with my consultant regarding the events of my labour she took 2,5 hours the time for me to literally go over everything and I had been able to read through my notes. She confirmed when I was put on the hormone drip baby did not show any signs that this was necessary and she confirmed this for me and such things which did help for me. I know 8 weeks pp is really tough time and I can imagine those weeks are tougher when labour has been more intense than a straight forward one jus make sure the baby blues disappears again. Discuss with OH, sitting on your **** (as men like to call it) all day n the house can be depressing too!! xxx

 

[Stressyhead]

Aww thanks ladies for all of your replies, its good to get feedback and other peoples opinions and experiences

Its good to know this feeling of being overwhelmed is normal. I always assumed once babies were born mothers coped fine as i never seemed to hear any different. But its amazing how since ive given birth all the family and friends who have given birth have given me the sympathetic look even though on the surface im coping well. Makes me think that its happened to them too! Now ive heard its happened to others that i dont know its actually helped me a bit.

Feeling a bit better already since i wrote that post. Partly due to LO having her first jabs yesterday. Immediately felt really protective and love her even more than i did which i didnt think was possible. She seemed to be calmer in my arms than anywhere else and i feel like ive snapped out of it a bit?

I have a postnatal checkup in a fortnight so will mention my worries to the doc. The hv seemed to think i was perfectly fine but its always best to get another opinion especially as i know pnd can sometimes develop later on.

Thanks ladies for being so supportive x x x

 

[JD.Deedee]

Ohh doll, I know the exact feeling! People feel like you have to be blessed and very lucky and happy because you have a healthy happy baby and it could be worse like baby could be in hospital all the time or could have god knows what's wrong with him/her going on and I do respect mums that have to be in and out of hospital with their child all the time or single mums have it tough but being a mum in general the first couple of weeks adapting life with a new born that is depended on you is friggin hard! Since I had my l/o and mine is quite clingy but a good baby I am saying I NEVER want a baby anymore but that's probably also down with the damage my tear am not keen on another baby and I am glad my lo is passed 6 month and can be happy in his walker all the time so I can get things done! And sleeping at night or having a lie in bliss! So I know how you feel xxx

 

[Stressyhead]

Thanks JD Deedee i DO feel like i shouldnt complain as i know that there are many others who are a lot worse off than me. Bearing in mind it took me a while to conceive and i was convinced something was wrong i should be grateful and not have these issues. Both me and OH are put off having another for the time being due to the emotional distress its caused - physically i have healed ok bearing in mind i had forceps an episotomy and a 2nd degree tear - but the emotional scars are still there. But then again LO is only 2 months old so may be expecting too much too quick who knows!

Xx

 

[JD.Deedee]

Exactly same hun am just a couple of months further ahead , I had expected the labour pains to be awful and really un-cope-able from what I had read into about giving birth and was terrified of tearing! Then had a 2 day labour which didn't bother me too much back to back baby resulting in forceps delivery and 3!rd degree tear! The whole happening didn't phase me and didn't leave as much of a scar, projectile vomiting, exhaustion and reoccurring migraines and then the aftermath on my body did scar me for not wanting to do it again! I remember the days around 2 months having to regularly go into weighing clinics and all that lot and then they come and meiver about baby groups and socialising all little programs to get new mums out of the house and prevent them from getting stuck and getting pnd. Tbh it used to annoy me so much, I felt enough with the couple of inlaws I was always welcome at and now he's older and it's easier because he has more of a routine, more predictable, knowing that when we're going out we'll be fine and not find ourselves in a situation where he wants feeding and there is no where to comfortably feed I don't mind building up taking him out with me and sometimes I don't want to take him with me so I plan for someone else to mind him so I can just get on with what I need to do and as the months go by and l/o get's more independent, keeps himself happy with toys, it gets easier to let someone else mind l/o without feeling you can't leave l/o without you for too long.

And even tho it feels like the 6 month mark is years away atm, it will be there soon! It's unbelievable how much more independent l/o becomes them first weeks are really hard but really soon you'll start figuring out little routines your baby has and will become much more aware of the surroundings

xx