Please Please Please help with my over bearing family!!!!!!!!

[mel0013]

Hi all this is my first post, sorry its so long theres alot i need to get off my chest!

I am soon to be 27 yrs old and am currently 32 weeks 5 days pregnant with my first child, i live with my partner and we are both very excited (just cant agree on names) lol.

I was signed off at 6 and a half months with SPD but am coping fine.................. apart from one very big problem which i was wondering if anyone else is having - my family (mum and 2 older sisters) are absolutely driving me insane, i mean it when i say they are the worst part of my pregnancy.

they keep trrying to tell me what to do, they are both mums already eldest has 4 middle sister has 1. i know that may sound childish and ungreatfull and i know they have all already been there and done it but they keep comparing me to their pregnancy/s (not one of them had SPD) or coming out with ridiculous statements/opinions and generally shitty remarks. these are just a few examples: "you need to exercise more and walk a little further everyday" no matter how many times i explain that i have SPD and im following the advice of a physiotherapist to avoid making it worse (i wear my support belt, use my crutches and do the exercises prescribed everyday) i am continuously told i have to build my stamina up for the birth. i am now being told as well that i am going to need a ceaserean due to my SPD (by my sister not physio/MW/GP), i am being told that it will take me 2-2 1/2 yrs to recover (again by my sister not a health care professional). i have even had my mum try and tell me to exercise more (thank god my aunty was there once and told my mum about a friend of hers with SPD so she now understands). i have had my sister look at my stretchmarks and very supportively said "effing hell look at the state of those theyre PURPLE" and i was also told by one sister and her husband who cheerfully told me that the other sister has said "how are they going to cope?" which really upset my partner and most frustrating was at 4 months into my pregnancy i was told by 1 sister that because i didnt have my nursery ready i "needed to sort my self out and get things ready that baby will not pop out with a complete mothercare set up" and my personal favourite was after one of the several bleeds in my first trimester and being Rh neg 1 sister made the comment "oh my god your not having another scan"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

does anyone else have the same problem? what did you do that did not involve divorcing your family and emigrating?
i really am at the end of my tether and am dreading when the baby is here in one way as im worried they will always be at my home telling me what to do with my baby, im fed up of being treated like a child and am struggling to keep my temper and not fall out with any of them because they are beating the joy out of my first pregnancy.

ps if im am wrong i will admit it and listen to them more but its really upsetting me at the mo. also i am not irresponsible or doing anything wrong in my pregnancy - before being signed off i was an assistant manager for a home care agency and hold a diploma in health and social care and they have asked me to baby sit on numerous occassions once i actually moved in and looked after my neices for a whole week while their mother was on holiday! i feel stupid justifying my self like this and my partner reassures me that i dont need to and i'll be a brilliant mum but i cant get passed the things theyre saying and its really affecting my confidence in myself to be a good mum!

 

[Wilson28]

hi hunni

welcome to pf, i think this is very common, i had it from the mother in law and my aunty, and i just let them go on and on and on and just do what i wanted to, my mother inlaw once printed a form off to tell me to wean at 4 months old because i wanted to wait till he was 6, she wanted me to put him on the bottle so she could feed him, still adament at 14 months old she needs to feed him with a spoon, my aunty pressured me to try and give up breastfeeding as thats whyt he wouldnt sleep at 4 months old and he needed more food, however he is weaned, breastfeeding and still not sleeping, ha pissed on your bonfire it made me feel like saying.

let them go on, but switch off, just dont let them when baby gets here, do things with baby their way, it has to be yours not their way.

so stand tall and tell them to back off and support you in your choices

xx

 

[Wilson28]

p.s my brother is expecting in april, his nursery isnt done yet, but we will help him get it ready no pressure, or control just happy to help xx

 

[jemfox]

ive noticed that as soon as you become pregnant other people will tell you their opinions. its inevitable. my family do it all the time, they mean no harm.
but yes its very frustrating, I get a lot off, back when u was a baby......
my husbands spoke to me about it as hes got 2 previous children whereas this is my first. he said its always going to happen unless you tell them straight and risk upsetting your family. he aslo told me that yes people with have their inputs and opinions but at the end of the day the baby is ours and no one elses so we raise it how we choose too, he also pointed out that there is no right or wrong way!

one of the smartest things my husband has ever said to me bless him.

one thing u can say is that its your first baby so your just experiencing things your way instead of following advice (other than medical obvs) in my opinion i like everything to be new to me and if i want to know some ill ask, not be told because every pregnancy's different. that's what ive said anyway.

xx

 

[mel0013]

it's definately not me being stupid or childish then???????

thank u to you both for ur advice, tbh my partner has said the same things and i know im daft for needing to hear it more than once but everytime something is said i find it knocks my confidence (i need to be certain its not just me), for instance my stretch marks didnt really bother me like that (theres 2 little 'clusters' on either side of my belly and a faint line down the middle) but since my sister made such a big thing of them i find im getting really paranoid about them. ive never been very confident and my family are making it worse. i dont feel like my OH understnads my lack of confidence (he's a doorman and security gaurd with 20yrs martial arts background and is used to confrontation) and always tells me not to be afraid of rocking the boat but i just cant seem to manage to.

its definately something i need to sort out as i dont want my LO to grow up thinking its ok not to speak up for itself (i say 'it' only because i dont know what im having).

 

[Wilson28]

Hunni pregnancy is a very sensitive time with hormones, so somethings feel alot of hurt, but just ignore them and do what makes u happy xx

 

[jemfox]

definatly not being silly or childish.

I would have been in tears but that's just me im a wimp. my husbands exactly the same, hes from east London im from Cambridge and we are completely different, he will be confrontational and im there covering my eyes coz I wouldn't have the guts to do half the things he does. BUT as annoying and embarrassing he can be he is normally right and by him telling people straight.
I understand how u feel though, don't want to rock the boat to makes things more awkward and uncomfortable!

just let their comments go over the top of your head and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. they will probs carry on with their opinions and criticisms when babys here but I don't think they mean any harm. everyone seem to do it to pregnant women!