Partner has low sperm

[HP1987]

Hi,

So this year will be 4 years me and my partner have tried for a baby.

After trying for almost 2 years we decided to seek help from our GP.
I had bloods taken which all came back fine and swabs done all fine.

My partner has done x2 sperm samples and both unfortunately were low.

We were referred to a specialist and asked what other options could we possibly try naturally before going down IVF route.
The specialist recommended my partner start taking supplements to improve sperm.
He was given several sachets but we were told that we would need to buy them as the NHS don't give these out.
I done lots of research into the best supplements and bought several boxes for him to potentially help us conceive naturally. Aware though that the sachets wouldn't work over night and would take time the specialist made us an appointment for us to return in 6 months time if no joy.
During this time I also had my tubes tested and to great joy all was fine with me.
This meant that the issue does lie with my partner which put a great strain on the relationship as he kept blaming himself and led to arguments. I told him I would never blame him but asked him to make some lifestyle changes to help along the way i.e more exercise, cut right down on alcohol etc. I later found out he hadn't been taken the supplements and the lifestyle changes weren't really changing.

Since this time unfortunately we have been going through a rough patch and have ended up having a break on our lengthy relationship; having to also put IVF on hold as I really haven't been feeling happy in the relationship and as much as I want a baby it just didn't seem right to go forward in this unhappy stage
I am devastated and have tried to hide behind a smile but still to this day can't help but wonder what and why his sperm would be low?
It's reassuring to know everything is fine with myself but to know what could be the underlying problem with him would be great if anyone else has experienced the same thing.

 

[Sunflower1]

So sorry that this is so difficult. Alcohol in any quantity is not recommended if there is a problem with sperm. Diet has a huge impact as does hydration. It may well be fixable with lifestyle changes. Is it worth him having some kind of counselling? Men dealing with fertility problems can react in really unhelpful ways because of pride and shame. Maybe he didn't realise the lifestyle changes might have solved the problem....?

 

[Vintageling]

So sorry it could be worth getting you oh some mental health help aswell hun men take these things so to heart and he could need some support to make the changes he needs to make in order to help his swimmers. I know from past experience of a man with mental health issues he would drink himself stupid and really just could not change and didn't want help but if your oh wants help then run with it. Id sit him down and talk to him reassure him it isn't his fault that this is happening it's one of those things and there is a high percentage of men that go through the same and that by making these small changes it could end up making his swimmers healthier

 

[HP1987]

Reply to Sunflower1:

During our time apart it seems like he has now tried to sort things out. Not drinking, getting the exercise. It's obviously been me telling him that we need time apart on the relationship that has made him realise but my worry is that it's too late.
Counselling could be an option. He is a private person and even getting him to talk to me at times is extremely difficult. It's probably more a man thing and pride like you say. Thanks for your advice.

 

[HP1987]

Reply to Vintageling:

It's hard as he's part of a rugby club and because many of the guys he plays with have kids but still live these lifestyles of heavy drinking he seems to think there's no reason why that should effect him. I've explained that everysingle person is different and things that effect one maybe don't effect another but it's so hard talking to him with him being such a private person

 

[Vintageling]

Reply to Vintageling:

It's hard as he's part of a rugby club and because many of the guys he plays with have kids but still live these lifestyles of heavy drinking he seems to think there's no reason why that should effect him. I've explained that everysingle person is different and things that effect one maybe don't effect another but it's so hard talking to him with him being such a private person

Sending huge hugs hun I couldn't talk to my ex about his mental health or anything like that he kept it all to himself and it was so hard. There are a few things online about helping sperm hun maybe send him the links to them and ask him to read them and see it's not.you begurdging him his fun but it's actually proven that drinking can effect sperm.

 

[IVW]

Men deal with these things very differently to us woman and sometimes them doing nothing and trying to ignore them is almost their way of 'dealing with it', which is just frustrating for us

Has the relationship breakdown mainly happened due to him having a low sperm count? if yes, then the only way things will improve, is support for him and letting him get on with it - and when i say that, i mean, leaving him be and letting him help himself in due course.

You can lead a horse to water.....

 

[HP1987]

Reply to Vintageling:

It's hard as he's part of a rugby club and because many of the guys he plays with have kids but still live these lifestyles of heavy drinking he seems to think there's no reason why that should effect him. I've explained that everysingle person is different and things that effect one maybe don't effect another but it's so hard talking to him with him being such a private person

Sending huge hugs hun I couldn't talk to my ex about his mental health or anything like that he kept it all to himself and it was so hard. There are a few things online about helping sperm hun maybe send him the links to them and ask him to read them and see it's not.you begurdging him his fun but it's actually proven that drinking can effect sperm.

I have looked at lots of different websites regarding helping sperm. It's hard to talk to him and after 11 years together you would think it should be. Unfortunately it's not
Drink can massively effect it like you say. I would like to think he has been looking into these things during the break of our relationship as I know he hasn't really been going out and doing more exercise. My concern is that it's taken me to tell him that maybe me and him aren't right together anymore to it which is hard.

 

[HP1987]

Men deal with these things very differently to us woman and sometimes them doing nothing and trying to ignore them is almost their way of 'dealing with it', which is just frustrating for us

Has the relationship breakdown mainly happened due to him having a low sperm count? if yes, then the only way things will improve, is support for him and letting him get on with it - and when i say that, i mean, leaving him be and letting him help himself in due course.

You can lead a horse to water.....

There has been other things happened in the relationship which have added to this so a few things haven't helped really.
Last year wasn't the best year for us and made me realise a few things and I knew it wasn't right but wanted to fight on due to the length of time together plus the fact we were getting so close to starting a family. I also realised you can't just stay with someone because of length of time. You need to be happy and the strain of trying for a baby with other things just wasn't great for our relationship.
I would love to think we could make it work but need to know he would put the effort in and I've told him I would help out where possible but he needs to help himself. I was heart broken when I found out he hadn't even been taken the supplements as recommended by the specialist.

 

[IVW]

Men deal with these things very differently to us woman and sometimes them doing nothing and trying to ignore them is almost their way of 'dealing with it', which is just frustrating for us

Has the relationship breakdown mainly happened due to him having a low sperm count? if yes, then the only way things will improve, is support for him and letting him get on with it - and when i say that, i mean, leaving him be and letting him help himself in due course.

You can lead a horse to water.....

There has been other things happened in the relationship which have added to this so a few things haven't helped really.
Last year wasn't the best year for us and made me realise a few things and I knew it wasn't right but wanted to fight on due to the length of time together plus the fact we were getting so close to starting a family. I also realised you can't just stay with someone because of length of time. You need to be happy and the strain of trying for a baby with other things just wasn't great for our relationship.
I would love to think we could make it work but need to know he would put the effort in and I've told him I would help out where possible but he needs to help himself. I was heart broken when I found out he hadn't even been taken the supplements as recommended by the specialist.

I would feel the same as well, especially when you were both actively ttc.

I honestly think, him not helping himself is just a little wobble and in time, if he wants the relationship to work also, its something he will eventually get his head around and will start to take things more seriously.

I am no relationship counselor by any means, but your happiness is one of the most important things and you should always be happy in the relationship you are in and if this isnt the case, then maybe you need to evaluate how you really want to move forward - this first before any talk of a baby happens.

I hope you can move forward and everything works out for you

 

[HP1987]

Men deal with these things very differently to us woman and sometimes them doing nothing and trying to ignore them is almost their way of 'dealing with it', which is just frustrating for us

Has the relationship breakdown mainly happened due to him having a low sperm count? if yes, then the only way things will improve, is support for him and letting him get on with it - and when i say that, i mean, leaving him be and letting him help himself in due course.

You can lead a horse to water.....

There has been other things happened in the relationship which have added to this so a few things haven't helped really.
Last year wasn't the best year for us and made me realise a few things and I knew it wasn't right but wanted to fight on due to the length of time together plus the fact we were getting so close to starting a family. I also realised you can't just stay with someone because of length of time. You need to be happy and the strain of trying for a baby with other things just wasn't great for our relationship.
I would love to think we could make it work but need to know he would put the effort in and I've told him I would help out where possible but he needs to help himself. I was heart broken when I found out he hadn't even been taken the supplements as recommended by the specialist.

I would feel the same as well, especially when you were both actively ttc.

I honestly think, him not helping himself is just a little wobble and in time, if he wants the relationship to work also, its something he will eventually get his head around and will start to take things more seriously.

I am no relationship counselor by any means, but your happiness is one of the most important things and you should always be happy in the relationship you are in and if this isnt the case, then maybe you need to evaluate how you really want to move forward - this first before any talk of a baby happens.

I hope you can move forward and everything works out for you

Thanks for your reply it's much appreciated!
It's just a shame it's got to this stage for us but happiness is a main priority firstly.

 

[Princess81]

Sometimes it takes the shock to make people realise what they want from life, and what they are missing. I hope the two of you can be happy, hopefully together x

 

[Vintageling]

Reply to Vintageling:

It's hard as he's part of a rugby club and because many of the guys he plays with have kids but still live these lifestyles of heavy drinking he seems to think there's no reason why that should effect him. I've explained that everysingle person is different and things that effect one maybe don't effect another but it's so hard talking to him with him being such a private person

Sending huge hugs hun I couldn't talk to my ex about his mental health or anything like that he kept it all to himself and it was so hard. There are a few things online about helping sperm hun maybe send him the links to them and ask him to read them and see it's not.you begurdging him his fun but it's actually proven that drinking can effect sperm.

I have looked at lots of different websites regarding helping sperm. It's hard to talk to him and after 11 years together you would think it should be. Unfortunately it's not
Drink can massively effect it like you say. I would like to think he has been looking into these things during the break of our relationship as I know he hasn't really been going out and doing more exercise. My concern is that it's taken me to tell him that maybe me and him aren't right together anymore to it which is hard.

It is so hard and I really hope things do get better xx

 

[HP1987]

Sometimes it takes the shock to make people realise what they want from life, and what they are missing. I hope the two of you can be happy, hopefully together x

Yes you're certainly right!
It would be great to think we can be happy together.
All I've wanted is the best for us and to be able to have a miracle baby but the tension between us hasn't been great for long enough. It's awful for both of us that it's potentially came to the end