Partner changing his mind?

[Sazlarxo]

So my OH and I had a lovely text exchange last week where he told me we should have a baby, and later that night we had "the talk" and he confirmed for me that he really did want us to try for a baby.

Then this weekend he mentioned that he wanted to be earning more money (as he's pretty much earning minimum wage and I'm earning more than him) but I'd already said to him that I'd come off the pill so I've been off the pill since our first chat.

Does anyone else find that their partner goes from being 100% sure to having doubts/concerns? I feel like the answer is yes but it makes it hard to deal with as I now feel like I'm in limbo. We already started ttc and stopped once before and I really don't have it in me to stop again, especially with having PCOS and knowing that it's likely to be a long process.

Is it selfish of me to remain off the pill and just deal with my PCOS/AF issues in the mean time?

 

[chattychar1990]

i really don't think this is selfish.
Men live in their own little bubble. My OH badly wants a baby but then on the other hand said it doesn't matter if we dont fall right away because we get more holiday (not really the positive energy i wanted LOL)
Like you said TTC is a long process and youd be really lucky to fall straight away so i suggest just doing what your already doing.
It can take a while for the pill to completely leave your system x

 

[Stacey89]

I think its a man thing, mine keeps sending me holidays and saying we will go here there and everywhere next year and im like hello were TTC remember x

 

[Maximus17]

Thats a hard one. It's true men don't have the same thought process as us and also they think it will happen straight away. Also there is never a good time to have a baby my husband put off TTC for our second and now I can't get pregnant. He wasn't ready for a while and now he wants it and it's not happening. It's more heartbreaking for me though, as for him not so much.

 

[Vintageling]

My other half was like this and to begin with he was like yea lets take risks then it was maybe take risks then it was lets wait then back to taking risks so I sat him down and told him straight that him changing his mind so much was driving me insane and I could not cope with him being yes then maybe then no then back to yes and that it was either we were trying or we were waiting and to be fair to him he took my feelings on board and how hormones play a huge part in it for me and not for him and he then was on board fully and to be fair each cycle now he is more on board

 

[NatsL]

Yes my hubby and I had the same thing for baby no 2

We agreed that one of us is going to be unhappy forever and I think he thought that it would be easier for that not to be him hahaha!!

In all seriousness he came around eventually and I said to him it’s not fair keep changing his mind.

I hope you can both agree again soon!

 

[Sazlarxo]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I know men and women are on different ends of the spectrum when it comes to having children as most women already know they want to have them. Men literally get to watch their partner struggle through pregnancy for 9 months and then suddenly there's a child that they have to take care of and they have to quickly learn how to be a dad lol.

I know my OH would make a wonderful dad, and before he met me he never even thought about having children. He tells me I'd make an amazing mum and how fortunate he would be to have children with me so I know he's ready emotionally, I think until he hears about the job he's applied for he will continue to worry about the financial side of things (as he does anyway lol). It's sweet because ultimately all he wants to do is provide for me and our future children, but in the moment it's frustrating so I just need to remember that he means well.

 

[CornishGirl]

This was true for me when we started TTC our second.

Before we got married we chatted extensively about having children. He would be happy with one and I wanted three. We compromised at two because he agreed having a sibling would be lovely.

When it came to the agreed time to TTC number two he was originally like 'what, was that this month?'. Then he started making excuses. Then he said he wasn't ready. Then he said he never wanted a second.

I pretty much had to sit him down and shake him. He admitted he was super nervous but did want a second so we started trying. We ended up catching pretty much straight away and I think he thought it might take a while so there was a few months of him panicking.

Now, however, he seems more excited than me most of the time ha ha.

 

[Sazlarxo]

This was true for me when we started TTC our second.

Before we got married we chatted extensively about having children. He would be happy with one and I wanted three. We compromised at two because he agreed having a sibling would be lovely.

When it came to the agreed time to TTC number two he was originally like 'what, was that this month?'. Then he started making excuses. Then he said he wasn't ready. Then he said he never wanted a second.

I pretty much had to sit him down and shake him. He admitted he was super nervous but did want a second so we started trying. We ended up catching pretty much straight away and I think he thought it might take a while so there was a few months of him panicking.

Now, however, he seems more excited than me most of the time ha ha.

Oh CG, that's lovely lol. I hope that it'll be the same for my OH when the time comes I think it just takes a little bit of a settling in period for it to really become real for men, I can't imagine how difficult it is.

 

[Vintageling]

I agree with you it does take them some time to settle into the situation like my OH is starting to settle into the situation and we are cycle 4 and he is just getting settled with it. I think the main thing he is enjoying and is keeping him going while he settles into it is all the sex he gets

 

[Sazlarxo]

I agree with you it does take them some time to settle into the situation like my OH is starting to settle into the situation and we are cycle 4 and he is just getting settled with it. I think the main thing he is enjoying and is keeping him going while he settles into it is all the sex he gets

To be fair I'm enjoying that part too at the moment

 

[Vintageling]

I agree with you it does take them some time to settle into the situation like my OH is starting to settle into the situation and we are cycle 4 and he is just getting settled with it. I think the main thing he is enjoying and is keeping him going while he settles into it is all the sex he gets

To be fair I'm enjoying that part too at the moment

Lol yea I'm enjoying that to

 

[MissKW]

My hubby and I tried desperately after a miscarriage a few years back. We tried for a year with no luck and it became a huge chore for the both of us. We decided to stop, take a break to get married and planned on ttc again after the honeymoon. However we had one night of careless fun before the wedding and we were very lucky to fall on that day. We now have a beautiful baby boy.
My point is that maybe he is finding it stressful? Maybe don't 'try' but just show interest in him the days you feel the need to dtd, then there is less pressure on him?
There's never a right time to have a baby and I think we all worry about it, but it's always worth it in the end. Just try to keep it fun and not put too much pressure on yourselves

 

[Sazlarxo]

My hubby and I tried desperately after a miscarriage a few years back. We tried for a year with no luck and it became a huge chore for the both of us. We decided to stop, take a break to get married and planned on ttc again after the honeymoon. However we had one night of careless fun before the wedding and we were very lucky to fall on that day. We now have a beautiful baby boy.
My point is that maybe he is finding it stressful? Maybe don't 'try' but just show interest in him the days you feel the need to dtd, then there is less pressure on him?
There's never a right time to have a baby and I think we all worry about it, but it's always worth it in the end. Just try to keep it fun and not put too much pressure on yourselves

To be honest we haven't dtd all that much and I'm kind of okay with it as my period is so difficult. Although when I do go to the doctor and get something sorted then he'll know what stress is But I have vowed to myself to not make it feel like a chore, we have great sex so I really don't want either of us thinking of it as anything but that.