Overcome with sadness

[fallen]

Well I don't really know where to start, but I feel like I really need to talk to someone.
When I was 16, I was told that I had polycycstic ovaries, I went for a scan of which I saw at least 6/7 cysts on each ovary.
I have a big family, 4 siblings and 7 nephews ranging from 1-16 years old. I became a proud auntie at the age of 7 and was birthing partner to my sister 3 years ago. I've been with my partner a few years now and the only thing that's missing from my life is a child, it always has been.
I'm 24 years old now, people always tell me your still young....I know, but that doesn't mean I can't be overcome with sadness on a regular basis because I believe that I'm born to be a mother.
I put on about 5 stone and when my friends started having children around about 4-5 years ago, I lost them as I couldn't handle being around them and their children. Now that I have pushed all my friends away, I feel so lonely.
My sisters who have 4 and 3 children always say I know lots of people with polycycstic ovaries now with children but I just can't stop crying sometimes!
I feel like I am starting to go a little crazy in my mind and now I'm pushing the love of life away too.

I hope someone can help me or give me some advice.
Thanks for reading.

 

[kaz1983]

I dont have any personal experience of this i do have a couple friends who have polycystic ovaries an ive seen the disappointment theyve gone through and how hard it hits them wen others announce theyre pregnant - have i had any treatment sorry to pry my friends hav had clomid and another treatment and another friend who has been having trouble conceiving she has had acupuncture and is now 12weeks pregnant xx

 

[Birdo]

Hi , my names Kirsty , I first wanted to give you a virtual hug ...

I'm not quite in the same situation as you because i had one daughter before being diagnosed with secondary infertility and PCOS.... I tried and tried for years , had clomid treatment and on my last round had a miscarriage ... My friends went on to have 2nd and 3rd babies and I felt left behind .. The heart brake was unbearable and I suffered from anxiety issues and had a huge relationship breakdown .

I accepted that they told me id need ivf and I could no way afford it so I made a life without that much longer for child ... I was happy and content , sometimes it still niggled and on a drunken chat with friends in June I bawled my eyes out begging for just one more!

Imagine the SHOCK I got at the end of June when I was unwell and a test turned out positive 9 years after my last baby!!

I'm now 15 weeks pregnant and cant accept it! I'm off for a gender scan on Friday to try and accept what miracle has happened


So please never ever give up xxx

 

[millielaura]

Sending loads of hugs.
I'm 22 and Oh 25 and been ttc 2 years with losses and messed up cycles and been told they think I have pcos too. I totally know how you feel about the age thing, it's all I ever hear. It makes it hard as it feels like we aren't allowed to be as anxious and upset about it than if we were older.
My friend has pcos and got her bfp after ttc 2 years, she had 18 months of clomid and only ovd when she had metformin as well. She sadly had a loss before her preg now but every time she has ovd shes got pregnant so once she got oving she was very fertile . Pcos doesn't have to mean no children . I also follow a vlogging couple on youtube and she has pcos and her first took 3 years and clomid, then femera but her 2nd was a suprise bfp a few months after her first was born! xx

 

[fallen]

Thanks very much for all your replies.
It means a lot that other people understand where your coming from when you feel so alone even in a big family like mine.
I have a lot of symptoms which seem very severe compared to others that my sister knows, which maybe gets me down even more.
I am really worried to see anther doctor as when I saw the scans a few years ago I completely lost myself..I was completely depressed and quite honestly couldn't stand myself.
My periods used to be so wildly random, sometimes I would go 3-4 months without having one and other months I would be on twice a month. Recently, they have been so regular, apart from this month, where I'm 2 weeks late. I took a test and was again disappointed.
Yeah the friends thing is probably the hardest part, and knowing that I have to be a happy Aunty when really I'm miserable!
What do I say to the doctor? As I'm scared she will say that it cannot be treated/helped due to my age etc.

Thanks.

 

[snowbee]

Hi fallen, I also have pcos and a lot of the symptoms (some quite badly). My cycles are erratic, going from 23 days to over 100. I've been ttc our first for three years and I have managed to get pregnant twice, the first time ended in mc and I've just had my second bfp last week so don't panic it can happen.

Your doctor should send you for tests to see if you are ovulating and give you a scan to confirm your pcos, then they should be able to refer you for fertility treatment. In my area if you are under 35 you have to have been ttc for a year before they will do the tests (even if you have a known problem like pcos, some other issues will let you have tests sooner). I know it sounds like a rubbish thing to say but try not to worry so much about it and let it consume your life, you have to keep living and keep positive.

 

[fallen]

Just to let you guys know, I booked in to see the doctor.
Just wanna thank you for your advice as I wouldn't of even taken this step as I was so worried what the outcome might actually be. But knowing that other people have overcome these feelings really makes me feel opportunistic!

 

[Aragon]

So pleased you have booked the doctors. My Mum has PCOS. And I'm one of four!!! Good luck on your baby journey xx

 

[jadeb]

Hi Hun. Sorry to hear you're feeling how you are. I too have PCOS and been trying for our first baby for over 2 and half years. I know how you feel as I also have lots of friends with babies/ pregnant and I feel like we're getting left behind.
I don't have a success story for myself as of yet but there's lots of things out there now to help us get our dreams so don't give up hope. You've took the first step as to booking a doctors appointment so you're on the right path to get your wish.
Good luck xxxx

 

[phonixgirl]

Hey

I have just seen this as we were on holiday.

I too have PCOS. We have been TTC on and off for around seven years - nothing. It took until June of this year for me to get a diagnosis (I am now 31) as I am not your typical PCOS lady (I only weigh 8 stone and don't have excess body hair, plus I have regular periods). However, my cycles are completely messed up as I actually bleed too much when I am not on any medication.

Getting the diagnosis was a huge help for me. It meant I could start taking metformin once I got back from my holiday (I was taking cinnamon, chromium and inositol prior to this - all of which helped). Everyone asks when we are going to have a baby etc so I have started saying that we can't - and now I can say that I have PCOS so the chances of us having children are very slim indeed. (Of course, I know that there are things they can do but I would rather not get their hopes up and also it shuts them up.)

I go on a PCOS forum too (it is good to see you're not alone - and that lots of women DO get pregnant!). PCOS is a result of insulin sensitivity generally (even if tests say you're not) which is why so many women start ovulating and get pregnant from metformin (a diabetes medication). I myself ovulate naturally but PCOS often means you produce eggs of lower quality (which would be why I have never actually got a BFP). Metformin and inositol both help with this. You will probably be given clomid too to ensure regular ovulation. I was on clomid for a bit and it sorted all my hormone issues but I produced far too many follicles.

If all that hasn't made you feel more positive, then lots of PCOS ladies seem to get pregnant with IVF. Xxx

 

[millielaura]

It took me ages to get my pcos diagnosis too. She said she was pretty certain. I was having really short cycles so despite having all the other symptoms I was told for ages I didn't have it because my cycles werent long lol xxx

 

[Flickalicious]

I had* PCOS hun and I'm now pregnant with my third baby. Our daughter (now 7 months) took over 3 years to conceive. My cycles were long. Often 40-44 days but occasionally even over 100. I had the excess body hair and I was extremely overweight.
*I lost over 12 stone and the cysts on my ovaries have now disappeared. I don't know about hormone levels currently.

Unfortunately metformin didn't help me fall but I've heard many success stories. I would definitely ask your GP about starting them. Also to get bloods done to see if you're ovulating or not.

The first step is definitely the hardest, hopefully after seeing the Doctors it'll get you on the road to motherhood xXx