Good morning ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. (Why do ladies always come first for grown ups but boys comes first for kiddies? Ive never noticed that before...). Welcome to OvWatch with Scotch Egg and me, todays guest voice over Cosmic! Firstly let me recap (in a fantastically sexy voice) where we are so far.
OvWatch started on CD20, 10 days ago now. Experts had predicted that the ov beast would be seen on CD21. Our team scoured the forest, analysing puddles of pee, checking out CM and keeping an eye on the temperature of the Ovs lair to make sure it didnt sneak in there without anyone noticing. Several teams of little wigglers were sent out to search, we have yet to receive news from them.
On CD25 the search was abandoned. A very despondent team returned home leaving just one work experience student to fend for themselves in the field. To be honest, we didnt give them much chance of survival, but then on CD 27 they called into the production office to state that theyd found EWCM in the woods. The hunt was back on and the team rushed back to that deep forbidding wood.
From that point on we saw everything we needed to show the ov beast was around. A positive pee test and more EWCM gave the team hope that we might finally see the beast. Several batches of little wigglers were sent out to hunt for it and we continued to monitor the beasts lair. And that brings us up to todays (CD30) extra special first in a lifetime show.
Thanks Cosmic, great round-up. Hi, Im Scotch Egg, that was the sexy Cosmic and today its my turn to sneak into the lair and test the air temperature. Its dangerous work, but thats what we do for TV and as I crawl into the lair I get to shake my booty at the camera which is going to have you all salivating on the floor. Oh dear [giggle] this skirts a bit short for this job, I hope I dont accidentally flash you all!
So, here we are in the ov beasts lair. The ov beast itself is so ferocious we cant get near to it, but we can use this special thermometer to detect if its here. Ok, nice and quiet, here we go...Steve the cameraman, can you hear that noise? Thats making me nervous. Does anyone know what the ov beast sounds like? No, I havent got the temperature yet, its still rising. Steve, can you see anything? Keep an eye out, I dont like it in here. Here we go, it seems to have stopped. 36.38C, thatll do now lets RUN
[ROAR]
Quick everyone back down this tunnel, keep going. Oh no! Ive dropped my torch. No time to go back for it! Keep going, keep going its light up ahead. Scotch, I can see your pants! Oops! There we are, almost into the light, back into reality, phew!
Has anyone seen Steve?
I can see him in the tunnel, hes fallen. Someones going to have to go back for him. No, hes a big man, were all going to have to go back. Come on team, lets get him.
Wow, while the team go and rescue Steve, please let me give you a voice over on the results of that test. The temperature Scotch recorded was 36.38C. Thats a good jump up from the previous few days and a really good sign that the ov beast is in residence. It looks like theyve got Steve out safely so Ill sign off now. OvWatch will return in a week or so when we hope to start getting messages back from the little wigglers. See you then.