OMG I hate Midwives!!!

[CH0C0H0LIC]

Well most of you have probably read that I have panic attacks/depression/anxiety and have also been diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

Well my anxiety levels rose after being diagnosed with diabetes to the point where I couldn't think straight, was constantly tearful/having morbid thoughts re baby's health and it was setting off my depression.

I decided that for a short while I would continue with the VERY strict diet I am on/continue with the tablets as prescribed and attend the regular growth scans so they can monitor babys size but knew I could not physically take my blood prick test as that was seeming to be the thing that was setting me off (6 times a day I had to do this) and at my 22w appt I could not have my bloods done so I told my consultant who obviously wasn't happy and gave me a lecture on neglecting my unborn child. I understand where she is coming from and obviously in my 'stable' state I fully agree that closely monitoring my diabetes is important. My partner has been worried that all the stress was heading me down the suicidal route and he is scared he is going to lose us both.

My consultant has written a letter to comm mw/gp etc but not sent a copy to me so no idea what it contained. I got a phone call this afternoon telling me that I'm being classed as refusing treatment and they are referring me to child protection if I don't do as I'm told. I explained that I was not refusing treatment but asking for space to reduce my anxieties so that I was able to continue with appts/blood testing asap. Have been told that if I don't agree to do what they say a social worker will be contacted. No-one has even once thought about me in all this, Obviously I don't want my unborn baby to suffer but just needed a few weeks or so to adjust and get back on track.

So scared I'm gonna lose my 10yo son and my baby when he's born now that my stress/anxiety levels which were coming down nicely (improved so much that I tested my blood levels this morning for the first time which was a big achievement for me) have now shot up to the point of mania. Told OH that we needed him to adopt son officially quickly cos I was considering moving away til things have died down, which is a stupid idea I know (before you lot say it lol)

Don't know how much more I can handle tbh - getting tired of fighting my 'inner demons' and truly feel i'm losing grip now.

Don't expect anyone to answer but just needed to vent a bit sorry

Thanks for listening girls, this forum is all i got right now as slowly becoming more and more housebound.

Sarah xxx

 

[rach]

hun not really sure what to say i hope you get everything sorted soon for all your sakes in the meantime we are all here for you and im sending you lots of hugs xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[emmie]

aww hun sorry to read this, sounds like you are getting treated really badly and they dont understand you. if you wanna chat i'm here

 

[nori]

It sounds like you are really struggling here. You really need some emotional support and pyschological help. Are you getting this?

I was a samaritan for a year and you can always call them (24 hours) or email them. They cant give advice but can certainly listen.

Claire x

 

[MaryLouise]

It makes me feel sick that some medical professionals as they like to be called can be so short sighted! When I told the Dr that I was feeling depressed and at times suicidal she said she would have a word with the MW and that talking would be best as she doesnt advocate taking medication whilst pregnant. What a bunch of crap, the MW asked me two weeks later how I was feeling, by this point I didnt wanna talk to anyone about it and just said I was fine! I'm now coping on a day to day basis, with the help of my partner who gets the brunt of things and spends much of his time checking that I havent access to any large doses of drugs etc.
Our situations are very different I know but I wanted you to know that your not alone, I'm happy for you to PM me if you want to talk to someone on a one to one. I hope that someone realises their mistake and can see that they're only making things worse for you, if you feel up to it try talking to another Dr or MW see if they can help rectify the situation? For now

 

[lea m]

un cant you take something for your anxiety!? I take citalopram and yeh its not as good as my normal medication, its working and Im a lot better than I was a few weeks back!

 

[Julie84]

Oh, that is awful. I'm so sorry. The medical profession can be so uncaring sometimes.

I hope they start listening to you soon and realise they are not helping you, your family or your unborn baby with what they are doing.

 

[millie15]

That is awful - as said in a previous post they are so short sighted! And make things worse for you in the long run. As nori said - do you have someone you can turn to? A professional, I mean? Could they write to your MW? My mum used to be as counsellor and she acted as a 'go-between' frequently for people dealing with other medical services who perhaps didn't have the neccessary understanding about psychological health.
I hope you can get the support you deserve hon

 

[EllieBelle]

Im so sorry to hear the obvious "hell" you are going through and rather than helping the medical professionals involved are obviously making the situation worse for you.

What makes me really mad is they totally neglect people who really need action taken against them, and jump on innocent people, who just need a little support and who voice their anxieties.....

Just know that we are all here for you!!!

 

[libby]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all that - it sounds like a bit of a nightmare and you should be getting support, not threatened by the health services. Firstly, do you have a psychiatrist? If so, maybe s/he could speak to the doctor and midwife on your behalf and also give you more support with your depression and anxiety.

Secondly, it's really ignorant for the doctor to send a letter without discussing with you what was in it, I'm pretty sure you have a right to access that information. It's really bad when so called professionals take actions with no consideration for the people concerned.

You need lots of support, their treatment is just sending your anxiety even worse and it's so unfair. I can understand why you're concerned that your children might be taken off you but please try not to worry about this. I am a social worker and believe me, taking your children away would not be the intention of social services, rather they would want to help and support you to manage. Taking children away is a LAST resort. If there is anybody you can contact for advice eg. psychiatrist or another doctor it would definitely be worth doing. Even if they do contact social services, if you see a good social worker, they may be able to provide the support you need and help you to manage better. Please try not to worry about this. I really hope you get things sorted out and feel free to PM me too. Let us know what happens, Libbyxx

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

Thanks for the messages of support, this forum is truly amazing.

I had problems 10y ago with midwives/maternity unit when I had my last baby because of my panic attacks and being put on a ward, because they were concerned I hadn't been to the loo (it was way down the corridor and my anxiety probs meant i couldn't leave the bed) on my discharge they told me they wanted to speak to the on call social worker and i refused (because i knew I'd be ok once i was at home). I found out a month later via my then psyc nurse by accident that the midwives had initiated a child protection meeting and said they had concerns about my ability to look after my baby.... one of those midwives is now my community mw, yep the one who has told me she will phone social services if i'm not a good girl!!! (she must have them on speed dial!!!)

This is probably the reason that it's making me so anxious tbh, i've done a lot of crying tonight and i have a case of the shakes but tomorrow hopefully i'll feel more rational.

What has made me sad is that i saw a pm from my OH to his brother a little while ago and it said he was scared i'm gonna kill myself before the birth, that my son will get taken off him and put into care and that his ex will use it to stop him seeing his daughter.

It's sure been one hell of a day!

Sorry if i'm bringing the forum down, i don't mean to and i'm grateful for the friends i've made on here and the support you have given me.

Sarah xxx

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

Well today was interesting....

After spending the morning crying in bed my OH talked me into getting up and facing the world lol

I decided that I could not sit by and make myself worse by not knowing what was going to happen and thinking the worst so I made a phone call to the social services who told me if it was a medical issue/disagreement then they didn't really want to get involved until reasonable attempts had been made to resolve it and that the mw would probably be told the same thing. She advised me to contact the mw supervisor and complain/get some answers.

Couldn't get through to mw dept so was put through to a Matron who asked me to go through all the details and although she defended the consultant/mw actions she said she could see my side of the story and would look into it. I told her that I had started taking one blood glucose test a day but would not be able to do 6 of them straight away. She said she was going to speak to my consultant and get back to me.

She phoned me back, my consultant is happy that i have been trying to do one test a day and has accepted (hopefully) that i will increase testing when i can. My comm midwife is going to be told that the matter is in hand and not to contact child protection (prob cuz i threatened them with legal action at one point lol) and my comm mw is no longer going to be my mw as she was part of the ward team that caused a problem with my last pregnancy. I am going to be allocated a senior mw who specialises in people with mental health problems apparently and they are going to refer me to a psyc nurse (which i'm not too happy about tbh). They want to still complete the caf (children and families) form which will still go via social services and i have declined this. The Matron said the information on it will help the social worker decided what help i need - to this i kinda said "Hello- I am here and I know what I need better than a bunch of strangers" didn't go down too well. So I have decided to be pro-active from now on and not get walked over.

I am going to write a pregnancy plan - it will be like a birth plan but aimed at what i know my needs are maternity wise. That way i will stay in control and minimise my anxiety during the rest of my pregnancy. If have decided that if this isn't suitable enough for that lot then they can shove everything where the sun does not shine!

I kinda feel that sometimes i am discriminated against because my illness is a mental one and can not be physically seen iykwim. I may have problems with anxiety/derpression etc but my brain DOES still work (contrary to popular belief lol) so I am gonna make sure that I'm not treated like a complete fruitcake!

Does the pregnancy plan sound like a good idea?

Sarah xxx

 

[Julie84]

That sounds like a really positive attitude. Well done. I know it can be really hard dragging yourself up agin when you feel like the world is against you. Have you had a chat with your OH about the PM you saw? I think you could really do with his total support so maybe if you get everything out in the open it will help you become a solid unit?

I'm so pleased that you managed to speak to some people who sound like they have a bit more sense though - I think that coupled with your pregnancy plan will do a great deal of good (although no doubt the road will still be bumpy).

Good luck.

 

[emmie]

sounds like a great idea to me hun

 

[millie15]

It sounds like a really good idea. Well done on taking control!!
Hopefully you should get more support now. Don't be too disheartened by the thought of a psych nurse, they will have much better understanding of your needs and should be able to support you with the midwife.
Also, don't worry too much about the CAF. I deal with them a lot in my job and it seems that it takes A LOT for children to be taken away, I have seen children who are clearly at risk (which I'm sure yours is not, even) remain in the family home throughout considerable investigation. Remember, the priority for SS is always to try and keep families together. The CAF is supposed to be there so that you get support as well.
I really hope things start getting better for you now and you are able to relax some when you can.

 

[Bexie]

It sounds like you have taken some really positive steps. I think it is a great idea to write a pregnancy plan and I'm sure your new midwife would agree that it's a positive step in the right direction.

I hope your situation starts to ease for you.

 

[libby]

That's great that you've taken some control over the situation and the plan sounds like a great idea. Good luck....X