OH's Family

[Lulabell]

Just writing up my concerns to see if anyone else is feeling the same.

Basically my hubby has a large family and I'm worried they will bombard us when baby is born. I want bonding time with my baby especially as this is my first and i'll (hopefully) be breastfeeding. I tried to have words with him last night but he said I have to just ride it out. It's to be expected that they will all want to come to hospital or round ours to see and hold it.

Am I selfish for wanting that time to be mainly me, hubby and baby?! I so don't want people there crowding us at hospital.

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I'd put your foot down hun, if you don't want visitors straight away it's up to you. You need time to bond with the baby and be a family.
I let my mum and dad see my son when he was born but said no visitors for the rest of the week. Afew people couldn't understand why but I stayed firm. x x

 

[pinkyprincess]

I'm with you on that! Unfortunalty I broched this with OH last night and he was not happy at all, I think the word selfish was used :S

 

[Lulabell]

I tried to last night but he said i was being silly for worrying about it now. He also said I'd probably glad to have the break?! He isn't being nasty about it. HE does genuinely care about how i feel but it feels like he thinks i'm being out of order? Think I may just say no visitors at hospital at all. I originally wanted my mum there at the birth to for support. But if i say my mum won't be there and none of my other family, then its only fair if none of his are either? Just feel like i'm being selfish. I know they will all question me as to why i dont want them there.

 

[steffy]

Of course you are not selfish, its natural that you will want time with your hubby and baby. I am also fearing the same will happen to us, as we live on a farm 50m away from OH parents and his mother is a stay at home wife, so usually comes round everyday when I am home. When baby does come along, I am worried that I will end up falling out with her one day as she will want to be here alot of the time and telling me what to do. I just hope that she remembers I have parents, grandparents and other family and friends and that some days I will just want some time for my little family. xx

 

[Kayelle]

i dont think you are being selfish at all! it will be your moment with OH and your brand new baby its special and your the mum so its your choice. if your OH calls you selfish tell him when he grows a person and squeezes it out he can do it how he likes lol

 

[Lulabell]

i dont think you are being selfish at all! it will be your moment with OH and your brand new baby its special and your the mum so its your choice. if your OH calls you selfish tell him when he grows a person and squeezes it out he can do it how he likes lol

LOL! True though! Thank you everyone.x

 

[pinkyprincess]

It's not selfish at all! I think OH was dammed rude but that's another story. I think your wise to aproach it now better than when ur in labour! I know my OH was worried about something happening to me and him being pushed out so he's on his own but I reminded him that his family live 10 mins away!

 

[Lulabell]

All sorted. Discussed, well put my feelings out there to hubby about it all. And we've come to a happy agreement. Early I know, but it was bugging me. Lol! Xx

 

[Bee7]

Not being selfish at all. I don't even really get on all that well with my OH's family and to be honest, i can't think of anything worse than having a load of people i'm not particularly keen on crowding me after i've just given birth or coming round to my house everyday when i've had less than 2 hours sleep!

By all means i'll be civil and polite but i'm going to put my foot down and make it clear when i want people to give us some space. At the end of the day, having a new baby is stressful enough without having to worry about being a perfectly presented hostess as well. You should do what makes you feel comfortable xxx

 

[Chookette]

Hey Lulabell, It sounds like you have a good relationship with your OH being able to talk through it and come to a soloution.... My OH and I have had similar discussions about his over bearing mother who lives 5 minutes away....

The thing I need to keep reminding myself about when I get annoyed with her (already) is that she loves us and wants to really help but has a funny way of showing it.... We will need her support when it gets hard so we just need to work on it,... but I am sure that we will come to heads at times but will sort it out.

 

[Lulabell]

Basically we've agreed on the following:

At the hospital it will be me, hubby and my mum only! My mum will be there in case i need extra support but hopefully just be me n hubby in the room when in labour.

After that, noone will visit at the hospital until I'm ready for them! And even then, it will only be my dad and step mum, hubbys mum n sis, and his dad and step mum (if they so wish to visit).

But upon coming home strictly for the first 2 days at least, no visitors! It'll be me, hubby and baby bonding time.

Hubby seemed happy with this. Either that or he was agreeing incase i burst in to tears. LOL.

 

[hellywelly]

I'm hoping it's just me and hubby in hospital with parents visiting. My OH also has a big family who are lovely but there's just so many sometimes they can be overwhelming without meaning to be.

What I've found works is that on major occasions when they are likely to want to pop round (e.g. birthdays, moving house etc) I basically arrange an 'open day'. It can be quite a tiring day but basically gets them all round in one go on a day of my choice and I make it clear that it's the only day that's going to be offered and I won't welcome visits any other time!!! Hoping to do the same after bubs is born. I will make no effort as they all know where the kettle and the biscuits are, they can all have a mass hold and then I get peace again!!! Fingers crossed it goes to plan!!