Oh my god!!!!

[pinkyprincess]

Can't cope with this anymore!!!

As you all know my OH has been nagging and nagging and nagging me to let Tyler cry it out, and I personally don't agree with it.

Tyler in the last couple of weeks has been self settling for his naps (with some complaining NOT crying. Want to point that out now.)

He always struggles more at weekends when OHs here but I think that's excitement that his daddy is around?

Anyway I put him down for his nap. He was complaining away, OH told me to have a shower, went and turned it on, came out and OH was in the bedroom. I dragged him out and explained he needs to be left, his answer 'he's crying' I explained he was fussing and we decided I'd wait for my shower.

We were sat on the sofa and couple hear Tyler fussing and wriggling about on the monitor. OH keeps tutting, shaking his head, looking at me. I ask him what's wrong 'he's crying' I again explain the difference. We go back to watching telly. He carries on tutting, shaking his head, telling me to get him out. I crack ask him how the hell he would cope with CIO is he won't let him SS to which he tells me I'm letting him CIO

I don't know what to do anymore. He's NEVER shown any initiative in reading a baby book, looking online, asking a forum, talk to other mums etc and research pros and cons of methods and just asks his mates, who aren't the main caters of children and just gets matter of fact advice. (half of which spend their lives in the pub not at home with the kids!) he is an engineer and has a very 'it's a problem this is how we fix it' way of thinking, if that makes sense?

How can I get him to learn the difference between CIO and SSing and actually get him to think about wether the advice he's given (and won't follow through because for example the 'baby won't shut up') and to not take people's 'helpful' advice as gospel?

Sorry this has turned into a HUGE rant he just annoyed me with the SS/CIO!

 

[Princess81]

I dunno... My o/h understands that I know cam best so just goes with what I decide.
Men do have that "fix the problem" attitude though - if only babies were that simple eh!

 

[pinkyprincess]

That must be lovely!

Everything can apparently be fixed by
Bottle feeding
Formula
Solids
And
CIO
According to him. It just gets wearing iykwim?

 

[TORino]

You know baby best pinky. Could you indulge him once to prove a point?

F asked me to let her cry once a long time ago when we were at our wits end with the crying. I was very reluctant as I knew what the outcome would be, but I smiled and said ok so we did. Only for 10 mins or so. She screamed and screamed and it got louder and louder and she worked herself up into a right state. OH felt suitably ashamed and guilty and has never mentioned it since.

I do think there are occasions when you can ignore a few cries and a baby will stop after a few mins. And I also think if you rush to them at the first whimper they will start to depend on that and will demand it more and more.

As long as its not an 'I'm in pain' or 'feed me now' sort of cry I don't think it will harm to wait a minute or so to see if they can soothe themselves.

 

[littlemiss83]

arrggghhh

Men

Right - my OH does this too. Whenever he hears a sound coming from the monitor maybe a moan like you explained he looks at me expecting me to go up. But LO always goes off to sleep when he's doing that, its something him & my first LO did when they were falling asleep. ITS NOT CRYING - Its whingeing. Ok so CIO can be bad....we know that, whingeing isn't bad & isn't the same as crying.

I think you should stick to your guns with this one, you do majority of childcare & he doesn't. You dont want to have an LO that wants picked up even when having a moan but if your OH had it his way he'd be picked up as soon as he made a sound & tbh that would make your life a nightmare. Youve got into a good wee routine with the naps.

Oh and it probs is your OH being there thats disturbing his naps, my LO harder to settle if eldest LO is in house (she's always at skl during day & he's fine) try having some alone time just you & LO before naps when OH is in

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[vickib_1984]

Before I give my take what CIO??


xxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Before I give my take what CIO??


xxx

Crying it out aka controlled crying

 

[ISH]

We always have this argument, the mere mention of letting him cry is enough to get my blood boiling. I'd had a sleepless night and was terribly grumpy to start with this morning, then he mentioned letting him cry - I flipped big time. The proper sort, throwing stuff around. I think he got the idea that mentioning this is looking for trouble.

 

[vickib_1984]

Ah right now Tyler is doing well with his self settling why is he moaning about it didn't he want you to do controlled crying any way???


xxx

 

[knopk@]

Oh hun. I feel for you. My DH wanted to do CC when lo was less then 6 months old so i explained its not recommended for young babies however we tried pick up put down technique cause he thought sleep training works for every baby. Two nights after he admitted defeat.
I guess its hard for them to understand the cries, i would personally find him links to read and say you are not discussing anything with him until he reads stuff himself

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[jojo_2012]

Print something out about the difference between CIO and SS in large print and stick it on the wall opposite the toilet he'll know it by heart in 2 days LOL

 

[BabyBrain]

Ok, first off he may be an engineer and as such an educated man.....but he is still a man and therefore has absolutely no logic whatsoever. The logic being that Tyler is not crying and therefore can be left to self settle. My OH does this allllll the time, Albert only has to squeak when they are alone and the OH will hunt me down and tell me, and yet when he's in full screaming mode he tells me to leave him to cry.

The one thing that I have learnt through being a mother is yes my OH is a wonderful dad, he works hard for us, he has lots of time for Albert, he loves us and worries about us.......but he's still a twat. Realising this has given me a lot more peace.

I am sure that if women had a motto it would be "intendo humilis et vitare destitutione".......Aim Low And Avoid Disappointment

xxxxxxxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Thanks ladies I'm glad people agree and I'm not just being paranoid or anything.

BB lmao yes he is a twat at times but he's my twat.

Jojo I did that with my BLW book so he knew what was going on!

Knopk I did that with a CIO article and he never read it!!!

Vicki, EXACTLY!!!!

Oh ISH they always decide to do it when we've had a shit night don't they!

Little miss how do u cope with your LO napping then?

Tor we left him once when we were told to stretch his night feeds. Disaster, OH comforted him lasted 5 mins we had real tears. It was my fault for not leaving him long enough!

Hope I haven't forgotten anyone?

 

[l_maclean]

I didn't read all responses so forgive me if I'm repeating.

Would he read a daddy manual?? I dunno if it has specifics in it but my mates got Scott a HAYNES manual for baby (think there's a toddler one to.) but it's based on a specific style of car/bike manual. And written for daddy.

Xxx


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

 

[pinkyprincess]

I didn't read all responses so forgive me if I'm repeating.

Would he read a daddy manual?? I dunno if it has specifics in it but my mates got Scott a HAYNES manual for baby (think there's a toddler one to.) but it's based on a specific style of car/bike manual. And written for daddy.

Xxx


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

He's got one. Only read a couple of pages.

 

[l_maclean]

I didn't read all responses so forgive me if I'm repeating.

Would he read a daddy manual?? I dunno if it has specifics in it but my mates got Scott a HAYNES manual for baby (think there's a toddler one to.) but it's based on a specific style of car/bike manual. And written for daddy.

Xxx


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

He's got one. Only read a couple of pages.

Lol - think that's all Scott managed!! X


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

 

[vickib_1984]

Well tbh pot and kettle spring to mind!!!! And he's totally contradicted himself!!!! I've said it once and I'll say it again.....men are like fine wine they need nurturing to mature so you can take them out in public!!!! If all else fails pinky whack him round the head with a saucepan!!!! !!! Lol


xxx

 

[littlemiss83]

I've been trying to find a good bit of info showing a clear diff between CIO & whingeing - I cant find much, probably because whingeing isn't exactly a medical term. But what I did find.....every single forum thread/article says whingeing is totally diff & that most babies whinge just b4 drifting to sleep. Which I also believe to be true. My LO whinges every time he has a nap/sleep. He sometimes crys but always has a whinge. If its really busy in house i take LO & put him in his cot while I sit with him, just to get him comfortable, i'll show him some "quiet" toys, teddies & stuff & settle him down for nap, its a nightmare tho coz my 8yo makes noise all thro the house

xxxxxxxx

 

[Olive]

Theres def a difference. Sometimes I've gone in to check when Brody is whinging and his eyes are still closed and he settles off to sleep. When he's crying he's upset and you know about it!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Elliellie]

Oh I feel for you! It's so much easier when they're at work isn't it?! My OH doesn't like CIO thankfully, but he does suggest giving him calpol every time he cries! Drives me potty! If he's ever left in charge this child will be overfed & drugged up to the eyeballs! Stick to your guns, it sounds like you're making great progress.