OH and money :(

[Bee7]

OH and i are both living with our parents at the moment to try and save money. The plan was to find somewhere after Xmas but just recently a property that's too good to turn down has come up and if all goes to plan then we could be moving before Xmas.

OH and i have lived together before but sadly it didn't work out. We had a lot of problems - mostly money related. He could never seem to budget and sometimes gambled which put me under a lot of stress. We actually split for a while but during our time 'apart' i somehow fell pregnant. Obviously it wasn't planned but it seemed to be the push we both needed to sort ourselves out and now we're getting on better than ever.

To be fair, he has changed a lot. Hes so excited for the baby and from what i can tell (which isn't a lot when i don't live with him) he seems to be a lot more responsible with his money. I'm just worried that all of our old problems may arrise again when we move back in. I can't be stressing about his money while i have a baby to look after. I know i have to give him a fair chance to show hes changed but i can't help being cautious too. The one good thing is that the house we're renting belongs to my family friends so obviously i'll be the one with the rights to it if anything does go wrong. Am i being unfair? Should i just forget the past for now and let him prove himself? I can't fault him at the moment, i just hope he sticks to it xxx

 

[Rachaellius]

No I think your being pretty responsible by protecting yourself and your LO he needs to prove himself when living together again. Thats the only problem with gambling its so easy tp gp back to doing it. I really hope for yours and LO's sake that he doesnt and that he's learnt from his mistakes x

 

[l_maclean]

You're being very sensible, but also you dont want him to think you dont trust him.

Could you set up a budget together - like if you dont have a joint account - set one up that you both contribute a set amount to and use it for things like bills etc. - you could explain that this is for the benefit of both of you, so that bills, food, etc come out of one account, and you wouldnt have to worry about being short for essentials, but still leave him to be responsible for his money after essentials.

xxx

 

[Bee7]

He has offered to transfer me all of his wages every month to manage and pay everything with - i'm far better organised than him lol. I'm tempted cos it would put my mind at rest but then he's not learning to be responsible for his own budget. I've made it clear that if there's one slip up he'll be out and i'll live alone x

 

[MrsKLloyd]

I think a joint account would be your best option for budgetting. Each have a seprate account for personal use and a joint for bills. Get direct debits set up to transfer correct amount of each of ur incomingoney into the joint and all your bills from joint. That way you still have independance too x

 

[beckyboo1]

Although my hubby is fine with money, when we moved in together we decided to open a joint account, and each pay an amount in each month This was then used for household bills/mortgage/food etc.

We're still doing that now and it works well - it still gives me the feeling that I'm spending my own money when i treat myself!


If you manage to do this i think it should work out fine - maybe you can set up the joint account where he can't do anythnig without your permission, just in case you were worried. Then yo're not taking all his money from him, but you'd have a degree of security over the joint money?

xx

 

[BevG]

i have all the bills going from my account, oh has his insurance and car stuff from his, he gives me his share of the bill money when he gets paid and the rest of his wages are his then, we both buy food. this way is easiest for us and it was how he wanted to do it as he moved in with me and i was already paying the bills so it saved changing anything.

 

[l_maclean]

I think the fact that he's offered to transfer ALL of his wages to you, shows that he's serious and he's acknowledging the fact that he's not great with money. Which some people arent no matter how hard they try.

Why dont you get him to keep part of his wages, to you or a joint account, then he can learn to be responsible with that, but you still have enough money to cover the essentials..
xxx

 

[Bee7]

Good suggestions. I will look into opening a joint account i think. Thank you all and i will try and chill out and give the poor boy a break lol xxx

 

[Rachel1509]

Like the others have said, its ok for you to be a bit cautious about it all and worrying past events may re-occur, but personally, I'd overlook it and give it this one last shot, you never know.. it could turn into everything you've always wanted!

Obviously I don't know all the details of your situation, but me and my OH are currently in a bit of a similarish situation at the moment too, however we currently still live together in a private rented house. It's very stressful, and we're trying so hard to make it work, not only for our unborn boys sake, but also mine and his too.
It's worth giving a chance, and if it doesn't work once again, I know it's a lot of messing about and upset/heartbreak, but at least you can always feel satisfied in the fact that you tried your best and didn't give up.

Good luck xxx

 

[Bee7]

Thank you Rachel, you're completely right. I think that if i'm going to give him a fair chance, it means letting go of the past and stop holding his mistakes against him. If things go wrong again then i'll know thats it. If he cant' sort himself out with me, a new baby and a nice house then he'll never be able to change. Hopefully it won't come to that though. Hope everything works out for you too xxx