not using a "passed down" name because you dont like it

[chelsea]

i found out 4 days ago that there is a family tradition with a name on my mums side of the family, i dont like the name, neither does OH and the person who told me about it has kinda made me feel guilty if i dont use it (saying "its down to you otherwise this name will die out when its been going since the 1800s)

the name is Lowery and it was originally a surname, its my grandmas middle name but my grandma didnt use it with her children, my mum didnt with me or my younger brother and my uncle doesnt have/probably wont have any children, my older brother hasnt used it with his son and doesnt know if he will have any more children and my younger brother wont use it (he also doesnt like it) i wouldnt have minded so much had they told me about this tradition earlier in the pregnancy, but we are set on a name now, and it doesnt go at all, as well as me and OH not liking it.

would it be bad if i decided not to use it and risk offending my family? my uncle has said consider it for a second or third name, but me and OH both dont like it, (and arent certain on how to say it!)

what would you do?

 

[Becky]

Personally if the name doesn't mean anything to you then I wouldn't use it. We have chosen names that mean something to us and ignored family traditions, especially as there are traditions on both sides so which do you choose etc.

If you've got a name you like I would stick to it. The tradition can't be that important if you're only now finding out about it!

 

[chelsea]

thats what i thought, they have known about the baby since June, so its not like he hasnt had time to tell me before now!

i dont think we are going to use it and will just say we have had a middle name picked out for ages (even though we havent really) i think im just more worried about offending the family!

 

[daftscotslass]

I agree, don't use it if you don't like it! It's the reason my OH (who's Dutch) uses his middle name rather than his first name. We call him Timo but his first name is Cornelis His grandfather died in the war and his grandmother threatened to disown them all if he wasn't called that so they did to please her. He has always been known as Timo, though. Rebecca has Charlotte as her middle name which has been on my side for 4 generations before her but it's a pretty name and it's after my gran so we're happy to call her that.

You could just tell them you'll pass on your knowledge of the name so your child can decide for themselves if they want to use the name for their children

 

[poochielove]

My little boys middle name is Keith which i really dont like, but its a tradition with OH family. I really wish i had put my foot down a bit more, but then i guess i did choose his first name after my grandad so i had to be fair. But if you really dont like it then dont use it. It really annoys me when people just assume you will carry it on its also cheeky that no one else wanted to use it and they are asking you to!

 

[tuck]

I'd say that it's already 'died' out if it hasnt been used for the last 2 generations and I dont think your uncle is being very fair putting pressure on you, especially if he has no children of his own!
I'd just say nothing and go along with what you want.

it is traditional here to name your children after the grandparents, I refused point blank to call my daughter after my MIL as her other grandaughter already has her name so it would have meant that as 1st cousins they would have the same name!!!! but that is commonplace here, I did relent and call her after my DH godmother (whose own children have no kids and unlikely to), she died whilst I was pregnant, but that was because I liked the name and it also easily translated into english for my side of the family.

 

[Chopsie]

I agree - if it hasn't been used for two generations, it's already died out as far as I'm concerned. If it bothers your uncle that much, tell him to have a child of his own!

And besides - when your kids or nieces/nephews have children, they might love the name and re-instate it! My stepsister had a similar struggle when she was pg with her son - her husband is called John, as is his father, his father's father, his father's father's father and so on for umpteen generations.

Naturally she called him Edward, after her own father - and strangely enough, once he was born, none of the Johns who were so outraged at her refusal to use the name for her own sons said a word - they were just pleased to meet the new addition to the family

 

[krissie23]

It really annoys me when people just assume you will carry it on its also cheeky that no one else wanted to use it and they are asking you to!

I agree.. my MIL said if we have a boy (which we are!), she would like us to use her maiden surname 'Purkis' as one of his middle names! My OH has this as his middle name and I think it's blimmin' awful!! When I said I wasn't sure she threw a strop! Her daughters have three boys between them and neither of them have given the name to their sons so why should we?! If you really don't like it, don't use it.. just put your foot down and tell them that you have already chosen the names and are not going to change them, if they don't like it, too bad!

 

[mrs_tommo22]

No why should you when no one else has and if your uncle has no kids its not your problem!

Stick to your guns and keep your names you have already picked.

 

[emmie]

our son is called Blake ashton Arthur Porter the Arthur is a Porter family tradition we both hate it but it had to stay so we decided to add it at the very end.

If your family havent carried on the tradition exclusively why should you.... I wouldnt do it if its already been broken hun.

 

[Kittykins]

I agree - it's not a tradition! Maybe it once was, but if the last person who named their baby with that name was your great grandmother/father (whom presumably you don't remember particularly well...) then the tradition died out before you were born. Tell your uncle there's a tradition in YOUR family to call the baby whatever the parents like! And tell your uncle that it used to be a tradition for interfering uncles and aunts who insisted on names for new family babies to undertake the cost of their (private) education and upbringing till the age of 21, and to make that child their heir. If he doesn't believe you, tell him to read some Jane Austen.

And Krissie - tell your MIL that the baby will be getting your maiden name before it gets hers. She didn't call her son after her MIL, so why should you?!

(as you can see, I don't approve of meddling relatives!)

 

[mummykay]

dont use it hun, pick a name u and ur oh like