not married...

[titch]

...this is so funny looking back on it today!!

Im back in my hometown visiting family, mostly cos my mum offered to pay for some new clothes for me and a hair cut and colour cos I was feeling so ugly with my santa belly.

Yesterday I popped round to my Grandma's house to say hi. Shes 84 but got all her marbles and lives independantly but gets lonely so we all try and take turns to go round for coffee.

She can be a total nightmare sometimes, I think she thinks shes the queen, she goes to ladies tories club and had 'the girls' round for cucumber sandwiches and what not!

Well she asked how the pregnancy was going, she cant wait to be a greatgrandma. Then she asked about our new house and the furniture we've got so far, I showed her curtain fabric samples. She asked what I havent bought yet and said she'd buy our fridgefreezer for us and we're to choose a really nice one with lots of freezer space cos Ill need it going to work with a baby (dig number one).

Then the bombshell landed. My mum popped round too then and my grandma told her that shes buying my fridge freezer. Then turned to me and said "you can consider it an early wedding present!"

WE'RE NOT ENGAGED!

I didnt really say anything except smile cos I thought Id laugh if I opened my mouth. On our walk home mum and I were chatting about it and laughing then my mum told me that when she first told my dad I was pregnant he said that we'll have to get married quickly and she talked him out of it cos a baby is a terrible reason to get married and we will marry when we're good and ready!!!

Im not shocked at all at my grandma but I am at my dad. He's religious but has never had a problem with us living together and is so supportive of my OH he treats him like a son

When we went down on the weekend to see them one of the first things my OH said was that he knows its not ideal cos we're not married yet but he wanted them to know he was 100% committed to me and our child and plans to be as supportive as he possibly can be. My dad said he doesnt care about the marriage thing. LIAR!

Wow this is long, I think Im just offloading. Im now looking for a way back to 2010 where noone has a problem with children born outside marriage! Anyone else had this type of attitude?

 

[megsmeadow]

It's so funny finding out other people's attitudes!! I was really worried about my mum. When I first bought a flat with my (now very ex) boyfriend she explicitly said she would much prefer us to be married but understood times had changed. Well 8 years on, I've been with my OH just over a year. We got engaged in September and I moved in with him in November when I found out I was pregnant, in fact that night he demanded that I stay, and couldn't let me go back to my own house, so sweet! I was so worried about telling her and my dad but my mum really surprised me. She said she was really happy cause she's never seen me so happy and that she can't have it all ways cause equally she doesn't want to be an old granny!! My dad was over the moon, and said, oh you don't want to be walking down the aisle wearing the marquee!
It is 2010, and it's funny cause I was really confused at the start on whether we should get married before the baby was born as I wasn't sure if these were my views or my parents. Turns out it's neither!! I have to say I think my dad's workmates helped pave the way. He works with twins who are younger than me. One decided marriage and the other one said absolutely no marriage and both just had their first babies a month apart.

 

[titch]

yeah it does help. My Dads best friend from uni who they still see often, his son got a girl pregnant and he hadnt even told them he had a girlfriend yet! So you can imagine the shock!! My cousin's fiance had her baby in the summer too and he's had to go to afghanistan with the army when the baby was 3 months old so not ideal situations really but like you said, it kind of paves the way! And both my parents are excited about being grandparents too. My dad has picked out a tree in their back garden which he's gonna put a tree house in! My mum reckons hes more excited than when she was pregnant withus lot!

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

its funny how different people react! my friend found out she was pregnant 2 years ago and the first thing her then-OH said was, shit your mum's really strict catholic, she's gona want us to get married. first hting her mum said, thank god for that, i thought you was gona say you was getting married

hopefully your dad will come round about the marriage thing hun, he probably knows how old fashioned it is to think like that and thats why he's not said anythiing and with any luck, your grandma will forget about saying the fridg/freezer's a wedding present and buy you something else if you do ever get married

 

[becks20]

Haha my grandad was like this when i got pregnant with bella he kept sayin "are you getting married" and now me n my ex split and im pregnant again but hes got round to the idea that no im not going to get married yet and think im an outcast of the family lol x

 

[ema-lou24]

my mother is like this...but even if i was married she still wouldnt agree to me being pregnant, she seems to think im still a 12 yr old girl lol

luckily for her i wont be falling pregnant anytime soon x

 

[Mamafy]

for the fridge freezer

 

[inky]

weird how a baby really gets people to show their true feelings!

I've been living with my OH for 14 years, and I think if we were ever to get married (neither of us are religious, and there are loads of other priorities money-wise!) then we would have done it by now. My parents have never had an issue with this, they're not religious, in fact no-one in my family is religious, but now they're stressing about the baby's surname being different to mine (I want the baby to have OH's surname) and saying we have to get married but I'm like, if it's such a big deal I'll just change it by deed poll, which prompted a 48 hour cold shoulder. We're not getting married, so either way my parents will just have to deal with it. It's just I always thought of them as being quite forward-thinking, clearly I was wrong!

 

[Princess81]

My parents would have been concerned about marriage when I was younger (and was married). My first marriage totally changed my/their attitude towards marriage and now I find it totally pointless (but can still see the romantic side). A child is a far bigger commitment then marriage, a marriage is so easily dissolved (legally I mean I know its tough emotionally). When I split with ex I knew I'd never have to see him again (altho he was a nice bloke) but if we'd had kids we'd really have to be in contact for ever.

My current o/h really wants to be married before any LO's arrive, i've kinda told him I don't wanna get married. He's more worried about the child getting christened and the implictioins of that if you aren't married.

I think if you are happy as you are then why change it just because a baby is coming along? IF ITS NOT BROKEN DON'T FIX IT!

If you decide you wanna get married - because you actually want to then go for it. Just don't get pushed into it by other people.

My grandparents can't say anything, my nan got preggers during the war and didn't know the father SHOCK HORROR, my grandad had to adopt my auntie lol

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I cant imagine the pressure of having to get married when you hadnt contemplated it - when you're pregnant or with a small baby! Great news about your fridge freezer tho!

 

[titch]

horray for free fridge freezers!!

Im quite stubborn so we're not marrrying now! I would say yes if he propesed once we're in the new house and settled but I just can move house, have a baby, go back to work after 6 months AND plan a wedding. Forget it, we'll do it when we're good and ready and when we both REALLY mean it. Like you said, a baby is a huge commitment and we are both so committed to eachother, this isnt a jeremy kyle, we were together for 2 weeks and decided to have a baby, now we've split up but it was planned blah blah blah!

 

[mel_ed]

my mother in law hates the fact that we arnt married. ha ha!! i love the fact that she hates it and has no control! she winds me up lol. i know that when our baby arrives she'll interfear.
shes already sed u cant go taking the baby out of teh house all the time!!! whatever!!!

 

[titch]

what?! of course you can take the baby out of hte house! It'll be lovely an sunny!! How is a child supposed to learn abotu the world if they spend it between 4 walls?! gah, moth-in-laws.

 

[Lovisa]

Congrats on the freezer hun, its funny she thinks you are both getting married when you are not.
It must be a hint, she was trying to get across, unless your dad spoke to her.

My OH wants us to get married but I don't. I'm happy us living together for years to come and bringing up our family together. I may change my mind in a few years but atm I'm happy how things are.
My mum was never married and she had my brother and myself out of wedlock. So I know I will have no pressure from her.
Both of my grandparents have passed away, they are probably the only people who would've liked us to get married but if I didn't they would respect our decision.

 

[mel_ed]

what?! of course you can take the baby out of hte house! It'll be lovely an sunny!! How is a child supposed to learn abotu the world if they spend it between 4 walls?! gah, moth-in-laws.

Foruntately mine is too scared to leave her village so she can only show up when we go to get her! I might have to unplug the phone though when baby is sleeping, normally she rings twice a week, but since Ive been pregnant its like everyday, lord knows what will happen once the baby is born!

twice a week ur lucky. my inlaws ring EVERYDAY!!! so annoying!! god help them when the babies here. think its bcuz my OH is the only .

 

[Paratus]

I dunno, I think most people who are afraid of marriage are actually afraid of weddings (and the subsequent descent into insolvency!)!

I like the tradition. And if you love someone enough to want to form a family with them, why not get some legal recognition?

 

[Tonks]

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I wasn't married. My family are very traditional, and this resulted in us not speaking for over a year and me moving to the other end of the country

Personally I am traditional, so marriage is important to me. I think it's up to individual preference now though. Even if you don't get married you can still be 'common law' and have some rights.

 

[Princess81]

It's nice to hear that people still feel like that, I can't see marriage far enough!