Not happy mum.

[andreatav]

Hi a bit about me, I'm from Scarborough moved to Leeds 18months to be with my (now) fiancée, we've been together 3 years this month(engaged for 2 years) I'm only about 3-4 weeks pregnant so very early stages A&M. But I told my mum the day I found out. I face timed her and her face dropped. Just oh we knew it would happen soon (we had a big family fall out in July and me and mum have just started talking again, thought the news of a baby would bring us all closer) her first response was we knew you'd do this out of spite. Well firstly I had my implant removed in March so we've been trying for 4 months, secondly I wouldn't want to bring a baby into this world out of spite and thirdly why can't you be happy for me?
Scarborough is only 90mins from Leeds by car(both her and my father drive) so it's not like it's far to travel(74miles) today she has been texting me saying I'm selfish for having a baby living so far away and she wants to be a hands on grandma for her first grandchild and I'm depriving her of that and she isn't going to get to see him/her grow up(although she referred to baby as IT) and she ants me to tell my sisters(twins, 21) I said I don't want to tell them till I'm at last 12 weeks, just in case I miscarry, but again I'm been called selfish.
I just feel like she's ruining what should be a happy and exciting time of my life, my partner is furious. I've tried talking to her saying while I'm on maternity lave we'll alternate travelling. But had no response. Anyone else had this type of problem?

 

[MrsS143]

I know it's your mum but dont feel you need to make an effort just because it's your mum
I cant understand why she would go out her way to make you feel bad and guilt trip you. Even if its how she feels theres no need to say that to you
Its her grandchild yes but its your child and your life
Do what's right by your little family. Not her
Itll just drag you down
If they're so keen to be grandparents then they know where you live! X

 

[andreatav]

I just feel theirs no pleasing her. Just going to make sure I look after baby and myself. Then worry about the minor details after he/she is born.

 

[MrsS143]

Nobody has the right to make you feel bad
Honestly just do what's right for you
If she wants to be in your life she knows where to find you x

 

[Becky1]

Wow, I'd just leave it for if bit, give her time to think. She sounds very selfish. x

 

[tinselcat]

Hi hun

I've been reading about abusive relationships recently and I'm afraid your mum's behaviour is unacceptable (and not 'grown up' at all).

Just to confirm that she is the one being selfish here, not you, although I'm sure you probably already felt that!

It's your right to decide when to tell anybody your news.
And your right to decide how/where you bring up your own baby, and how involved your want anybody else to be.

One thing, I suffered a miscarriage just before 13 weeks and I hadn't really told anybody about that, but actually I really needed the help of those close to me (and even those who weren't so close) to get through it, but like I said, it's your call.

It must be bewildering to get a reaction like that. And you may be wondering why she is behaving like this and what you have to do to please her. However I suspect that these are 2 impossible questions to answer.

You and your baby are the most important things here (and your partner too!) So as long as you put yourselves first and fit in everybody else according to your needs (not your mother's), then in my view you'll be doing the right thing.

*hugs* and good luck with your pregnancy xx

 

[andreatav]

Thanks for that @tinselcat, it's just been so frustrating, I've given in though and told my sisters, tbh though they were over the moon. I didn't want to tell them incase I miscarry but they know now and like I said they're happy. My mum's gone on holiday today for 2 weeks so hopefully my dad will talk her round. So hopefully when she comes back she'll be in a better mood about it and I'll be nearer my 8 week midwife date too as well.
Fingers crossed all goes well!xx

 

[MrsS143]

The thing about miscarriage is...
Its crap
But its even crappier going through it alone with nobody to talk to
Its hard to tell people youre sad because you lost a baby that they didn't know about
Untelling the news isnt nice but at least you have people there to support you through it should the worst happen x

 

[andreatav]

I can't imagine what it's like to go thru,hoping I don't find out. Thank you everyone for your advice.xx

 

[Emmam1982]

Hi Andrea...my mum has been unsupportive this time but I knew she would be...she told me a year ago that I wasn't to have anymore kids. She lives quite close to me and tbh I'm just avoiding her as much as I can, if I can't avoid her then I just don't mention the baby, I think she's kinda blocked it out of her mind anyway x hope your mum comes round to the idea x

 

[andreatav]

Hi emmam1982 well,my mum came back Sunday teatime from holiday,found out she flew from leeds/Bradford airport (20mins from my house) which is a bit of a kick in the teeth as she didnt drop by but anyway. She hasn't one asked me how I am or how I'm feeling if I'm having any symptoms,this is my first child and her first grandchild, I feel as though she's deliberately distancing herself so she can say I live too far away and I haven't involved her etc. My partner is really angry and upset by this as his dad has been so supportive and worried about me, yet my mum...nothing.