No communication

[Dollymixture]

Ok, I know this is my first ever post on the forum and it's gonna sound like a complete rant (which it probably is) but I'm completely at the end of tether and I really need to get it off my chest! Please help!

So, I'm 11 weeks pregnant with first baby. Finding it very tough at the minute because pregnancy wasn't expected and I'm panicking because I'm scared il do everything wrong when the baby comes. I'm just so scared because I want to do everything right and be a 'good mum' but I've no experience at all! My other half was very happy when he found out and he already has a child of ten so he's done it before and isn't worried at all!
It started when I asked him not to tell anyone until 12 week scan and 3 weeks ago I went on holiday with my mum for a week and while I was gone he told everybody! Including his ten year old daughter! So naturally the whole world knows now!
My reasons for not telling anyone was probably just superstitious (mum, granny, sister all had previous miscarriages early in pregnancy) but I expected him to respect my decision and he never questioned it and just said ok!
I felt like wanted to kill him but I kept my cool and explained I wasn't very happy. He said I was being unreasonable and irrational!
I then learnt that he has told his daughter she can name the baby! And she's coming up with ridiculous names and any names I suggest, my other half likes u til he tells his daughter then naturally she hates them all (because they aren't 'her' chosen names) and hedecides he hates them too!
From then on he's constantly nagging me, going quiet, having a go at me for nothing and starting silly arguments!
I try to sit down and say 'please can we just talk we need to communicate here and if I'm doing something that's annoying you then tell me' but he walks out of the room or just laughs! I tell him I'm stressedNd really worrying about when the baby comes, and he just ignores me! I asked him if we were going to be okand he said 'yea we will be fantastic' but he won't talk to me about anything! He cNt have a serious conversation with me and I'm thinking now, if we can't communicate when I'm pregnant what on earth will it be like after the baby comes!
He's an extremely laid back guy and very mature (15 years my senior) but I'm so stuck right now and just want to cry 24/7! He's not beig grouchy with anyone else! His daughter is starting to get a bit difficult with me and if I say I think it's time for bed, he purposely goes against my word a d keeps her up an extra hour (12.30 for a 10 year old when she's up early the next day is a bit crazy! But now she's getting I'll and throwing up nearly every day & can't get up in mornings! I just can't understand why out of nowhere, this attitude and behaviour has started!
Please please help me, I feel like I've nowhere to turn!!
Thank you in advance

 

[Sam's Mum]

I was going to say that he was probably finding it hard to keep it to himself if he was so excited about the baby but the way he's acting is just weird! Why on earth has he told his daughter she can name your baby? It's great that he wants her involved but it should be a decision you two make together, not with anyone else! Maybe he's worried that she's going to feel pushed out and wants her to be as involved as possible, and is letting her stay up late etc. in some sort of misguided attempt to show her how important she is to him? Does his daughter live with you?
If he won't listen to how you're feeling maybe you could write all your thoughts down and give it to him - just because he's had a child already and doesn't seem to have any concerns doesn't mean that he should dismiss yours x

 

[Sam's Mum]

And welcome to the forum, and congratulations!

 

[Dollymixture]

She usually stays Thursday to Saturday but at the minute she's staying monday to Saturday. She was really excited about it and we have a great relationship! I'm involving her in everything and keep trying to reassure her that she's going to be so involved with everything and her little brother or sister is gonna really look up to her and I will need lots of help from her and she is over the moon. She hasnt once expressed any concern and definately isn't feeling left out or worried! So there's no need for him to try and over compensate! I think I will try to write things down because I need him to understNd I'm hurting!
Thank you for being so nice!!! It means alot!

 

[Sam's Mum]

Hopefully it's just that as a typical man he hasn't even thought about how you're feeling - it's great that his daughter is so involved anyway, and it doesn't sound like she needs to decide on a name to feel that way! Maybe nearer your due date you could ask her opinion on a few names that you both like as he's already told her that she'll be involved. Maybe you and your OH could have a 'date night' either at home with a nice dinner or out somewhere and both just talk about everything you're worried.excited about so it's not as stressful as a 'we need to talk' sort of conversation but you both still get the chance to say how you're feeling? x

 

[Dollymixture]

Hey sam's mum, thank you so much for your advice! We had the talk and all seems to have went well! He told me he has a real problem with communicating sometimes and just doesn't know what to say but also apologised for not being there to listen when I needed him!
I think I just needed the confidence and that extra little push to try again and it definitely worked! you're an absolute gem, thank you again so much have my first scan on Thursday so I'm gettin excited and feeling a lot more relaxed!
Thank you again
Take care x

 

[Princess81]

Glad it seems to have done the trick, good luck for the scan