Need to tell someone.. feeling really down.

[Funkylady]

Well maybe I should be telling this to my mum, my best friend or my sister, but for some reason I think they'll think badly of me and I don't want them thinking too badly of my OH who Im about to rant about.

Our daughter is 6 weeks old now, a pleasure to be around, a great sleeper, eater and is just perfect really... I keep thinking we have this perfect little family unit, and I can't see why anyone would not be content to be part of it.
However, my OH just seems to always want more. From the day we found out we were expecting, he's always made it clear that he intends 'to keep his own life', which means out with mates, skydiving etc. Ive never been happy with his skydiving but never stopped him, however, I expected he might think of giving up once Livvy came along.

Maybe this is asking too much, he just seems to go on and on about keeping his own life etc, doing what he wants. But he just forgets, I have Livvy all day, every day and every night, through good times and bad, and he sometimes even grudges taking her for an hour whilst I take a shower. He very rarely feeds her, and NEVER changes her nappy unless absolutely neccessary.


Ive just got my first period which is terribly painful and heavy, Ive got a reeally bad cold and cough (which I don't wanna give to Livvy) and he still doesn't seem to want to put himself out a bit to take care of her for a little while.

I just feel totally lost. My parents think the world of him, and I love him to absolute bits. I just feel like me and Olivia are just a big problem to him.
Hes such a lovely guy when he wants to be, and we are soo happy in the good times...

I honestly don't know what to do, I don't know what anyone can say to help, I think I just wanted to write it all down, see if that helps.

This forum has always been a great help in the past, kind of like an unbiased best friend...

Maybe someone can give me some kind of reassurance.. or advice.
I know there are worse things happening to people on here, such as miscarriage etc... Im just using it as a sounding board really.

Sorry for going on so, what a HUGE post! oops!

If you got this far, thank you so much for taking the time


Angela and Olivia xx

 

[Strangeness]

First of all hun congrats on your baby girl!

I think you should give your partner a great big kick up the arse! Seriously, he needs to be helping you! When you have kids you don't have your own life, your life is your child and putting them first. Of course everyone needs a break and to do something normal and for you but if your child needs something then you do it, both of you not just mum! He sounds like he needs a reality check and to grow up. You've just had a baby for gods sake, you need as much help as possible and the one person who should be doing that is the baby's father. A lot of men find it hard to cope and real shock but they soon pull through with a kick in the right direction. I know it's hard but maybe you should just leave the baby with him and go out even if it's for half an hour. He'll have to do it then. I'd also give him a bit of a scare, say if you want your own life then go for it, my life is my daughter. He'll come round in the end hun but if you let him keep going then he'll carry on. Let us know how you get on!

 

[libs]

absolutely agree with the above

I also think you should let this post fill up with replies - and then show him becuase I can't see anyone not agreeing with what was said

and just ask him when your day off is

 

[Krystal]

completley agree with all of above... men eh?

 

[mrs_tommo22]

My husband did this too with me when w had our children and I sat down and talked to him face to face and hes changed his ways, he still needs kick up the arse every now and again but its working so far.

Sit down when you have a quiet momemt and pour your heart to him and tell him how miserable hes making you and point out shes his daughter too and needs him.
Does she cry when he picks her up -if so it means she dont know him and they need time together.

Good luck hun

 

[Lola's Mummy]

I also completley agree with all of above

I don't really know what else to say as my OH has taken to fatherhood really well but i hope he sorts himself out because you need a break aswell

 

[Hypnorm]

Sounds like he needs to grow up, he is a dad now and he has a daughter.
But you have given up your life to have a daughter, he needs to see that it is a team thing with a bit of give and take.. at the moment he is taking and you are doing all the giving.
Try talking to him or write it down, he needs a reality check big time!
Maybe he's having a bit of a midlife crisis! and wants to cling on to what he has, having a baby doesnt mean he has so give up everything but he needs to compromise and you need a break.

He should take baby for a weekend and see just how tough it is.
Good luck it must be hard

 

[zebrastripes]

His life stopped belonging to him the moment you got pregnant,whether he wants to accept that or not

 

[trixipaws]

/\ agree with zebrastripes. as soon as u hav a baby ur not number one anymore!

 

[clairescunny55]

His life stopped belonging to him the moment you got pregnant,whether he wants to accept that or not

couldnt have put it any better myself

 

[hotluck]

I couldn't put it better than anyone else has

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

/signed

I think he has become so adamant that he is not going to lose his freedom that he is missing out on the beauty of his daughter. No....we dont have to become fun-less robots when we have kids, but we DO need to take responsibilty and grow up!

Hope you can make him see sense and get the well-earned rest you so need

 

[Redshoes]

You're amazing Funkylady
The only advice I would like to give is to say that all the effort you're putting in is for your daughter, not your OH, if you focus on that it may help And also your daughter loves you unconditionally for it, and she will be a better little soul for having you, your OH is missing out, hopefully he will see that very soon, very best wishes

 

[Funkylady]

Thank you all for your advice and lovely words. It really makes me feel better to know you all understand.

We had a nice weekend, went to Ikea for our first family day out and he took two days off work to spend with us. He wasn't overly helpful but he definitely helped out a little bit more. I think the more Olivia is growing up and developing a character, he is finding it more rewarding and therefore is more willing to help.

I'm sure I won't be the first to admit the first few weeks are a little boring and quite stressful when all you can think about is the baby.

But we are settling into more of a routine now and I can only hope that things start to improve even more from now on.

Again, thank you all so very much for your help. It really cheered me up seeing that you had all replied.

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again.

LOVE THIS FORUM!

Angela and Livvy xxx

 

[foxred]

Glad to hear things are going a bit better

Hopefully he will sort himself out..... He might just be acting like a lazy beggar, but I know when my brother's wife had their baby he was absolutely terrified of it and so scared of doing something wrong and hurting her.

As she got bigger and more responsive he really started to bond with her and took on a lot more. I know its no excuse but a lot of men are just really scared of tiny babies and don't have much confidence with them It might be worth having a chat with him to see if he feels confident doing little things with her - even if its taking her out in the pram for a walk for an hour so they can have some time together and give you a break.

I know my mum insisted that my dad was resonsible for us (on his own) from 6.00am til midday every Sunday which kinda forces them into it

I hope everything works out