Need to rant

Discussion in 'Ask a Mum!' started by Hearyoume, Sep 15, 2019.

  1. Hearyoume

    Hearyoume Well-Known Member

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    Why is it when men get ill the whole bloody world ends but when it’s us we’re expected to just carry on.

    So my other half has a cold. Has done since Friday and since then has refused or declined to hold the baby. He’s probably held him twice since Friday for less than 5 minutes and only when I’ve needed him too because he’s been crying and I’ve needed the toilet.

    Hasn’t changed his nappy once, hasn’t fed him once since Friday. He’s also two months old and my oh hasn’t done a single night feed as he never wakes him when he cries.

    He also said yesterday he was gonna take sleeping tablets during the day so he could sleep it off. I told him not to even think about it because there was too much we needed to get done. I ended up doing it all whilst he went and napped on the sofa, which meant since our little one was fussy that morning I got nothing to eat myself till 12:40, ended up eating it cold anyway as the baby woke up crying.

    Then tea came round and he didn’t want to cook so said to order in. I’m sat there feeding the little on and he gives me the list of what he wants and says to order when I’m ready... like are you fucking kidding me you can’t even ring a order in? And then proceeds to sit outside for 20 mins having a fag. I’m then trying to order and deal with a baby that has colic....

    Food arrives and it’s the same old story of my little one being upset and fussy in the evening due to his colic so once again I end up going eating cold food even though my other half finished his he didn’t bother to take the baby so I could eat something relatively warm.

    Que this morning. He still feels ill. I’m feeling it now 8.15am and my little one has been awake since 4am not playing up he’s just awake and wanting someone with him, but I’m knackered he had already wake 3 times since 9pm also.

    Told my other half who briefly wake up at 6am that I need to get a little more sleep, even just a hour or two and all he does was groan day he felt rough and has been asleep since then!!

    It’s annoyed me and now I’m snappy as it’s like I understand you feel rough but it’s just a cold and when he goes back to work tomorrow I’m going to have to still do all he wouldn’t do this weekend feeling rough and ill myself, as well as the house work that he normally just leaves me to tidy up after.

    I’ve also dealt with our pets this weekend cos he didn’t feel well and just spent most the day on and off sleeping on the sofa
     
  2. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    He’s being very unreasonable, sounds a bit like an overgrown child, it’s not fair on you to be doing everything, is he like this all the time or is just a one off? X
     
  3. Hearyoume

    Hearyoume Well-Known Member

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    It’s the one off normally he’s really good like he’ll get home from work and take him. Give him the next feed or one before bed and change him when needed.
    Only thing that isn’t different is not waking for the night feeds but he’s a huge heavy sleeper so I get that but wakes up early between 5am and 6am most days so on weekends he takes him and does the morning bits so I can sleep.

    I honestly started to feel yesterday that he had lost his bond. I have to say he up now and has been better even saying about going out for a family day but yesterday and Friday we’re awful.
     
  4. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

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    Men are just selfish human beings unfortunately and when they are ill it’s like the end of the world.
    I hope now he is obviously starting to feel better he steps up. X
     
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  5. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    Ha ha well said Char, can always trust you to tell it like it is :rotfl:
     
  6. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    He sounds a bit like my oh, not doing any night feeds, didn't give her baths, barely changed any diapers, had to put the baby in his arms for him to hold her. He took 3 weeks off after DD was born but spent his days gaming all day long. My DD woke every 2 hours during the night, so I only had about an hours sleep at a time. I survived on 3 or 4 broken hours of sleep daily, until she was 8 weeks old. We switched bf to a rice based formula because she was allergic to cow milk proteine. She then started to sleep through the night and I could recuperate. I think I was very close to a depression due to the lack of sleep and no help whatsoever. I felt very lonely and would have gladly left the oh since he was so useless.
    Fast forward to now, DD is 2 years old, he never did any night feeds, still barely changes diapers and gave her 3 baths in 2 years. If your oh was different before the got sick, then there is still hope he will change, if he's always been lacking in the caring department, I don't think it will change.
    My oh is much better socially with her now since she can tell him what is going on and what she wants to do. I think men are a bit clueless when it comes to babies honestly!x
     
  7. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

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    :rotfl: :rotfl:
    I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say it how it is Hahahaha x
     
  8. Hearyoume

    Hearyoume Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all.
    Normally he helps especially when he’s home after work and at the weekends. Vary rarely through the night but he could honestly sleep through a earthquake.

    It is only when he feels ill that he changes and it drives me nuts as we’re expected to just get on. Like now it’s 2am, I feel rough as hell (pretty sure I’ve got tonsillitis) and I’m feeding the baby, he gets up for the loo, I’m snifflinng, trying to clear my throat and coughing to the point i feel like it’s a choke cough cos I feel sick... and he then literally just climbed back into bed, muttered you alright then insanity he was back to sleep.
    For me he knows I’m not okay as I said before bed I felt shit, and he could hear and see me when he got back into bed but chose to go back to sleep rather than taking our little one.

    99% of the time he’s great and helps but when he’s ill or tired he’s useless and doesn’t do much but never thinks how I’m feeling when it’s me feeling that way, the other week when I barely slept I had to literally get myself all worked up to the point I was crying my eyes out at 5am begging for my little one to sleep and I my other half had agreed to work that Saturday morning(without speaking to me) so I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep again last 7am, and it took me crying and getting in a big mood where I shouted about how tired I am for him to actually do something at stay home. So it is like sometimes I have to beg for him to see how I’m feeling
     
  9. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    This sounds a lot like my OH Kitana, baby is 5 months now and he hasn’t changed a nappy or given a bath, he’s getting off so lightly cos I’m exclusively breastfeeding so therefore doing everything, I take the baby to bed at 7pm and the Xbox gets switched on immediately, he does interact with her and play with her and stuff but all of the hard work is down to me! Hope you and bump are well x
     
  10. Hearyoume

    Hearyoume Well-Known Member

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    So little update ladies.

    Thank you all for the replies. Honestly he is normally great but seemed to be off this weekend.

    So I feel like crap. Coughing, head, throat and ears all hurt.
    Little man sounds all bunged up too and only have bursts of sleep and is warm/sweaty but no temperature.

    Oh saw how i felt and how he was this morning and has taken the day off work. And took him from our room at 7am so I could sleep. Xx
     
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  11. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    Yes thank you, all is well with the bump!
    At first I did not want a second baby until we talked about it. I told him he was absolutely no help when DD was a baby and he said it was also due to the breastfeeding. He felt like he couldn't help and so offered none. I must say he did make sure I ate and had something to drink when I was bfing the baby. He promised he would take care of DD when the second baby would be born, so am curious to see if he does intend to help, otherwise I will ask my Mum to move in lol! He will hate that more than taking care of our DD haha!

    How are you and your baby girl doing @night owl?
     
  12. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like we are living tandem lives kitana! I think he quite fancies the idea of another child one day but frankly he can forgot it as it’s me who does all the hard work, he wasn’t particularly helpful during my awful morning sickness either just made out I was being a drama queen! The most he does is get me food while I’m breastfeeding

    Me and the little one are doing great, she is a dream come true, I fall more in love with her every day xx
     
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  13. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    Here is my little munchkin x

     
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  14. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    She’s in the cot that she refuses to sleep in there, lol :rotfl:
     
  15. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    Ooooh she's so pretty! And such long hair! Mine was almost bald for the first 6 months haha!
    I sometimes wish I was my boyfriend. Wake up in the morning, have a coffee, read the newspaper, sit behind the computer, spend an hour browsing, have breakfast without having to make it, then change clothes and go to the gym. Just like he did before we had DD. Nothing has changed for him actually! Maybe I'm the one to blame though, because I never complain and just do it.
    I think he will take care of DD once the baby is here. I won't be able to in the beginning anyways! He has been saving up his days for the moving and the birth but I wonder how many days will be spend playing on this console again. Men.
     

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