Can't stop crying...

[HeppiBean]

It's so hard... I saw FOB yesterday so that he could see Francesca and after having some time apart all the reasons I fell for him in the first place were evident again. It was actually a really nice day, the 3 of us together even though we were only in town.

I actually miss him so much, and even after everything I still love him and want us to be a family. I'm just scared of what's happening before happening again.

I hate being away from him but I remember what an arse he could be at times as well. Pictures of him keep cropping up on facebook where some of our friends are the same and everytime I see one I can't stop crying.

Even if we're not "together" I want us to be close still, for Francesca's sake mainly but people keep telling me to stay away. I really don't know what to do....

 

[Piglet10]

i think u need to go back and read the posts you made when you separated and remind yourself if THAT is what you want to go back to, cos rosey days in town wont happen so often,

it will be hard and of course the good times shin thru the bad times,

but if EVERYONE is saying stay away?? doesnt that tel you something??

its your job to create a happy healthy home and having two separate happy parents is better than the situation before.

if you really think he might change and youd like to give it another go, give him a year, see if he behaves?? i mean it will be one long year out of say the next 60/80 so nothing really , let him prove hes fit! xx

 

[AugustMum]

Of course it's going to be hard. Not only are you separating from somebody you love but you also have your little baby added into the equation and it's a common misconception that a family together is a happy one. Think about how relaxed you've been without him. I've read your posts and they've been much more positive.

I miss FOB and we get on well and I find myself questioning why were not together and I full enjoyed Rose tinted glasses but after getting upset about missing him I remember that it just wont work and that we are happier apart and so our LO will be much happier for it.

If you think he can change then so as piglet said, tell him he has a year to show that he's changed.

If it was me I wouldn't be able to trust him again.

 

[HeppiBean]

People on here may hate me for this... But the only reason I kept Francesca when I found out I was pregnant was because he said that if I had an abortion I'd lose him and I loved him so much that I kept her to keep him. That's why everything fell apart when I was pregnant because I resented him so much for first of all getting me pregnant (I know it takes 2) and then giving me that ultimatum. I was a cow to him most of the time and every tiny little thing he did seemed 10x worse to me. Then she arrived and I was miserable because I had a baby that I didn't want in the first place and he did but he wasn't helping me out with her as much as I'd like him to. And to top it all off I could barely move I was in so much pain from having her. That's why we argued so bad and why things went the way it did...

 

[Squeakz]

I agree soooooo much with what piglet said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X

 

[Piglet10]

well heppi tough luck!

seriously chick, u have literally made the hairs stand on the back of my neck with rage that i cannot say exactly what i want without being kicked off this forum!!

you have an AMAZING little girl that you do not deserve and yuo cant blame anyone else , so stand up take the shit and be a mummy! you seriously need to do a lot of growing up...

i cant even advise you atm as my blood is boiling, sorry

 

[Miss]

All I get from that post is what you do and don't/didn't want!

You have a child to think about now hun....what you want really doesn't matter.

That child did not ask/want to be born - you put her here for whatever reason....I suggest you take stock of your life and stop being so selfish.

I had a child at 17, I know what it's like to give up everything to raise a kid - best thing I ever did!

 

[cosmicgirl]

Sorry Hun, I agree with the others, your lo is more important than you and your ex now. You are a mother first and a person second. That's the way it goes. Isn't this the guy who threw you and your newborn out onto the street and threw her stuff out of a window? Don't do it hun x

 

[AugustMum]

Ok, pffttt...this is a hard one because I just don't know where to start.

First off, you should never have stayed with him once he gave you that untimatum. It was your body and you had the choice and to make such a massive decision based on someone else was just foolish.

But it was YOUR decision and so YOU are responsible.

Secondly, you're beautiful baby seems to not even be a part of your thought process. If it was just you to think about then sure, keep going back to him. Its not about you anymore. It's about your child. YOUR child. The one YOU chose to keep. This 'man' threw you out of your home, not once, but TWICE. Once while you were pregnant and once with a newborn. Nobody deserves to be forgiven for that and I think you need to remember that if he's done it once, no twice, then he more than likely will do it again.

He obviously doesn't make you feel good. You just miss him because he has been a big part of your life. Not necessarily a good part, but a big part.

I don't think I can write much more tbh.

 

[Esoames]

I can imagine the first few weeks will be hard and he will appear to be loving towards his daughter but it isn't him. Babies bring out the best in people and he will want to see Francesca so by acting nice he gets his own way.

It's upsetting that you didn't want her remember she loves you with all her heart, her mother is the first person she recognises and knows you before she's born.

Try and take a step back a realise why you are at your parents house in the first place

Emma xx

 

[FebMum2Be]

Heppi, I dont mean to be harsh, but you need help, you NEED to talk to someone. The things you have said in previous posts had me really worried and now saying you didn't even want Francesca is seriously scary. You seemed happy when the fuss and family were around when she was first born but now that has all died down your true feelings are coming out.. Francesca didn't ask to be made, she didn't ask for any of this. She is an innocent baby who is dependent on her mummy. A saying I have heard is "sex won't make him love you and a baby won't make him stay".. It's 100% true. It has to be more than that, why would you want to be with someone who throws you and a newborn out? Seriously? You need to sit down have a real good long think about this and give yourself a kick up the arse, you decided to have Francesca, so you have to concentrate on her, giving her what she needs and raising her as best you can, not pushing her to the side and worrying about your own feelings and what you want, she comes first. The day in the town might have been nice, but that doesn't mean that everything is ok. You really need to look at the bigger picture, show your mum or somebody what you have wrote. Francesca doesn't deserve to be stuck in such a messed up situation. I remember you saying you were getting help from someone after you got help about scraping your cervix etc, I think you need to tell her exactly what you have told us.. For you and Francescas sake

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I know I write this alot but you sound EXACTLY like I did when I had pnd!
Lacey wasn't planned but I kept her because I thought it meant i'd have Oh in my life forever, that was wrong though, if he was gonna leave, he was gonna leave, I wouldn't of been able to stop him.
Then when I had Lacey, OH didn't want to know. He didn't know how to be a dad and would go weeks without seeing us because he'd rather see his friends and I started to hate Lacey for that. I blamed her and thought she ruined my life. Then one day I looked at her and felt the love I was meant to and thought f**k OH he's the one missing out on our amazing daughter and because I stopped chasing him, he came running back!
Then we planned to have charley, pregnancy went well except ms and I really bonded with charley, gave birth and within 4 weeks those feeling came back. This time it was nothing OH did, I really don't know why I felt like it but I suddenly started to resent charley and even hated Lacey!
I felt like they ruined my life and wanted to know why I had another child. All I wanted to do was pack a bag and leave! After about 4 weeks of feeling like this I finally opened up to OH who was shocked but let me sob my heart out to him then suddenly it felt like a massive weight was lifted and I started to feel love for charley. I didn't feel 100% better over night, it did take time but I grew to love him more and more everyday and now can't believe I ever felt like that but it's made me realise I can't have anymore children cos I don't wanna feel like that again!
What I'm trying to say is maybe you need to talk to someone about how you feel, see if your hv can get you some counciling! you really shouldn't be feeling like this!!

 

[HeppiBean]

I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm sorry I have angered everyone so much. I DO love Francesca, with all my heart, honestly. I just can't always see it, and yesterday was one of those days

 

[Maria1977]

Just reiterating what Piglet and FM2B have said.

Glad you are seeing somebody because you defo need help hun. I don't mean that in a derogitory way, or a mean way or anything negative at all, but you do. You are so up and down drastically and that is not what a baby (or any child/person) needs, but a baby needs real stability and love.

Hope you find what you are looking for

 

[DaisyPurple]

Just reiterating what Piglet and FM2B have said.

Glad you are seeing somebody because you defo need help hun. I don't mean that in a derogitory way, or a mean way or anything negative at all, but you do. You are so up and down drastically and that is not what a baby (or any child/person) needs, but a baby needs real stability and love.

Hope you find what you are looking for

Couldn't have said it better myself,
I would add though, I'm so glad you have been able to share on here your thoughts, it must be a comfort knowing we all care x

 

[HeppiBean]

I'm just scared

 

[pinkymum]

I'm just scared

Which parts are you scared of? I'm glad you're seeing a psych tomorrow, you need to be totally honest with them. Get some support for you, Francesca needs her mummy to be well and stable.
I can imagine how difficult things feel right now, youre young and you have so much to learn about yourself - you remind me of myself when I was younger. Please don't take offence at this but there is no way I would have been able to take care of a baby because I was so unstable.

Hope things go ok tomorrow

X

 

[Lovisa]

*hugs* You will get there hun. If you do truly Love Francesca thats all you need and you will get through it.
I'm not saying it wont be hard or a rocky one, but in the end it will make you stronger and realise how special your daughter is and love her more.

Do you have any friends or family at home who you can talk to and help you along the way?
Everytime you feel low write things down, whether its on here or on a piece of paper, you don't need to show anyone if you dont want but feelings are better out than in and usually makes you feel alot better afterwards.
Hope you start to feel alot happier in yourself and ofcourse your gorgeous precious baby girl Francesca xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

I'm just scared

Which parts are you scared of? I'm glad you're seeing a psych tomorrow, you need to be totally honest with them. Get some support for you, Francesca needs her mummy to be well and stable.
I can imagine how difficult things feel right now, youre young and you have so much to learn about yourself - you remind me of myself when I was younger. Please don't take offence at this but there is no way I would have been able to take care of a baby because I was so unstable.

Hope things go ok tomorrow

X

Totally agree, with everything, you have said here and feel the same way, its true Katie, your future can be great, its just there waiting for you, with the right guidance and help you will succeed xx

 

[FebMum2Be]

Heppi, we're angry because we care, we care about you and Francescas well being, its tough love, we're not going to sugar coat it I really do feel for you, forget about C for a while, focus on you and your baby girl.. I'm glad you are going to speak to someone, you will be a stronger person standing up, telling the truth and asking for help, and you will get it and you will get there, I do think you should speak to a member of your family that you can trust because although you have support on here you need proper support in real life.. You will get there, one step at a time, look at Francesca, look at the perfect baby you have made, enjoy her.. Do you feel like you have bonded with her? If not it might be worth mentioning that too x