Need some advice please

[SamanthaP]

Hi there,

well this is the first time I am doing this and I really need some input from other mums.
My name is Sam, I'm 35 and a mum of 4 kids. I had them all really close together, the oldest being almost 6 and the youngest being 11 months. We live in a small cramped 2 bedroom flat, with no chance of moving. All options have been explored and we are stuck. Now here comes the whopper.
I found out today that I am, might you have guessed, pregnant again. I can only be about 2-3 weeks gone, but I suffer really bad from morning sickness, so I had a pretty good idea what was going on.
I really do not know what to do for the best. I love all my kids dearly, but I feel it would be so unfair on them to have another one. From money, space etc... everything goes against this pregnancy. My husband simply says he will go with whatever I decide. In the past I have always said I could not do an abortion. Now I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom?
Thank you.
Sam

 

[Chrissi87]

hi .. are you in a private or council flat hun? could your hv not help you get back on the list?

 

[SamanthaP]

hi, we have a mortgage on this place. When we bought it, it was just the two of us. No idea where these kids keep coming from. We are on the council list, but they have said that even with another child it makes no difference. Too many people in the same boat, we have no chance of getting anything. As far as they are concerned, we have a home, no matter how small and we are not behind in our mortgage. I would not want to make my kids homeless, had that when I was little, would never do it to my own. Even CAB does not have any answers for us. We were told, to go into private renting (not that you can rent a house when u have 4 kids), then get evicted and force the council to house us. Not an option for me.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I have no idea what to suggest I'm afraid but wanted to wish you good luck

 

[Pompey_Princess]

oh i am sorry to hear this, all i can say, is i think what ever you do, your obviously trying to put your family first and i wish you so much luck xx

 

[Paratus]

Sounds horribly awkward, and I can't think of much you can do that isn't going to be difficult! In a typical male way though, I'll wade in with some suggestions. Hope you don't mind.

In your situation, I'd sell the house and rent. A modest £200 000-odd mortgage is going to provide enough rental money for a large 4 bedroomed house most places, so while you'll be off the housing ladder, you'll have more flexibility and loads more space.

I've just had a look at a couple of estate agents websites, and been through Rightmove as they seem brilliant. None of the homes I looked for specified "no children" or "no familes," so I think you're wrong there. Plenty specified "professionals only," or "no pets" etc, but no mention of children.

My wife and I rented a big, 5-bed farmhouse in Yorkshire for a while. All done through a letting agent just like you would for any place. We moved out, and the next tenant was a workmate of mine, who's a divorced mother of 5 young kids. No objections about her, a live-in nanny, 2 young kids and 3 triplets moving in, so I reckon it's your best bet.

Get the house sold for whatever it'll take to pay off what you owe. Look at the amount you're currently spending on the mortgage and see what that'll get you as a rental property; and you might need to be prepared to move a bit, or change the area you're in, or put up with a longer commute or whatever.

You're talking about some very difficult decisions regarding baby number 5, so I think you have to explore other avenues to see whether or not you need to make them. If you can rent a 5 bedroom house half an hour further away for the same as you're paying for your mortgage, then it might make things easier.

Get on to Rightmove's website, you'll be surprised.

 

[Toonlass]

I also live in a 2 bed flat that we own. We have baby number 3 on the way so things are going to be cramped. I also can't sell, with the dive in house prices we can't even get back what we owe on it at the moment. I am fortunate that we have a HUGE cupboard in our flat that we are putting a window in to and turning into a nursery. As soon as we get the chance to sell, were going to do just that and we'll probably end up renting

House prices are set to rise quickly over the next year. You have got 9 month to be pregnant, and say 6-12 month where baby could sleep in your room. This could give you the time needed for the market to recover and hopefully sell your flat for a bigger home. Just a sugestion xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

Like Toonlass says, you've a while before you need anymore space than you are managing with ATM. hopefully in 12 months the market may have recovered enough to make selling an option if you dont have much equity.

 

[SamanthaP]

Thanks to all of you.

We are one of the lucky ones whose mortgage went down dramatically with the interest rate drop. I don't think we can rent a house for £100 per month.
However I do agree that we have time to let the market recover. I was thinking where would a baby go right now, never mind in 9 months time.
I think deep down I know I can't abort, I would never forgive myself. Although the thought of pregnancy and birth is terrifying me, I have done it 4 times, surely I can do it just once more. One thing is for certain, whether I have this baby or not, my OH is gonna have to have the snip.

 

[Toonlass]

Good luck in coming to a decision hun xx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

i've got no advice on things like this, but wanted to send huge

 

[FebMum2Be]

I dont know much on the housing situations atm, but I wish you lots of luck and hope it gets easier for you x

 

[Mamafy]

Wishing you luck xxx