need reassurance (little update)

[Sassysugar]

I know some people will probably think I'm being stupid but this is really getting me down and I don't know what to do or how to move past it.

I have an irrational fear of cold sores. I've never had one before but I'm so scared I'm going to catch one and then some how pass it on to my lo.

I wash my hands so much because of it, I'm worried that I will pick it up from door handles etc as I know that its a very contagious virus. I never share someones drink and always use a straw when I'm out in restaurants.

I don't mind friends holding Colby but I don't like them kissing him incase they have the virus. Yesterday I was out at coffee morning and the ladies were cooing round him and he was laughing at one of the ladies who had leaned in close to him, he went to touch her face but got excited and launched forward and 'kissed' her on the mouth iykwim. They were joking that he just had his first snog. I'm panicing now as what if she has the virus and will have passed it onto him. I didnt say anything at the time but I've been so anxious about it since yesterday. I feel completely down about this. (I don't even know if she suffers from them, but apparently some people can shed the virus and not have the cold sores)

The cold sore virus can be very dangerous to babies, and if he gets it he's stuck with the virus for the rest of his life. He always has his hands in his mouth so if he has it, what if I'm changing his nappy and he 'touches' down there by accident, as he's always grabbing his feet etc.

I've read up that if you catch a coldsore it may appear within a couple of days? Has anyone had any experience of this. I am washing my hands so much more just in case he's been exposed to it. If I'm out and someone touches his hand I have to wipe it straight away as I don't know where their hands have been.

I don't feel I can go to the drs about this, as I'm in a different country and I don't know how they will react, what if they think I'm an unfit mother

 

[Bunnykins]

Oh hon I don't really have any advice about the coldsores as I don't know much about them, but it can't be good to be worrying so much about it? I'm sure if you spoke to a Dr they wouldn't think you were an unfit mother at all, and they might be able to put your mind at ease and help especially as its making you so upset, its not good to carry on being so worried. I get a bit irrational about things and panic over stuff I have no control over and I've always suspected I might have a touch of ocd!!

 

[Sassysugar]

I was diagnosed with ocd when I was a teenager. I thought I had it under control now but it seems to be getting worse since Colby was born. So worried he is going to get ill etc. I just want to protect him.

The thing is I can see I'm being irrational but I just can't stop myself thinking about it, it's a vicious circle. I'm my own worst enemy.

 

[Bunnykins]

I think if your struggling to get it back under control you should talk to someone, do they have health visitors over there? They might be able to suggest some therapy to help you? With all the hormones and changes a fragile little new human brings its completely normal you'd have some irrational panics even without a history of ocd, the important thing is to get on top of it before it spoils your enjoyment of colby, you deserve to be able to relax and not have to feel worried about everything xxxx

 

[Sarah13]

I worry a bit about them too and it's because of that baby who was really ill and hospitalized on here when I was still pregnant, can't remember her name but her DS was only days old when it happened, do you remember that? Do you think that could have got you thinking about it? That baby was newborn though and Colby is 6 months and breast fed so if the worst happened and he caught the virus I'm sure it wouldn't be as serious now. Maybe you should speak to someone as you have suffered with OCD in the past and its easy to get hung up on these things and germs with a new baby, they won't think your a bad mum, it's best to keep these things in check now before it escalates further. I think we all get a bit funny about people touching our babies though, I scrubbed a toy the other day because after visiting my neighbor her DIL who was there with her little boy tells me he had been really ill all week with a high temp, all this time he's playing with Kynons toy!

 

[Princess81]

I remember that too Sarah but can't think who it was. My mum suffers terribly with cold sores, has done since before I was born. She managed to raise me and my sister without passing it on to either of us. She just was extra careful when she had a cold sore. I have never heard of any babies catching the virus bar the l/o from on here x

 

[Bunnykins]

I think it was traceym who's little boy got poorly? I haven't seen her on here in a while so I hope everything turned out ok with her little boy?

Argh the toy thing really gets me too, N's toys ended up in the mouths of about 3 different babies at the mum & baby group I go to before I could get them back, I put them straight in the wash when I got in before he was allowed them, worst thing was I was tasked with making the coffees and when I came back he was happily chomping on a Sophie giraffe, I thought I'm sure we didnt bring a Sophie with us? Turns out another mum had given him her Lo's!! I was really worried about it for ages!!!!

 

[vickib_1984]

I remember that but I have to say in my experience it's very rare my husband suffers with cold saws and so does my mum and Thomas has never caught one and he's 8 and a half I would seek advice for your anxiety lovey as it sounds like your OCD my be flaring up again don't get me wrong I worry about germs also and am forever thinking is this clean but I do think your thinking more on it as your so anxious......big hugs lovey xxxx

 

[Sassysugar]

I remember that one too, i think the baby was in hospital for nearly a month getting anti viral drugs, i think he caught it from her step son. I hope he's ok, I haven't seen her on here for a while.

That's reassuring princess that you've never had them.

I've always been funny about them. I'm also funny about toys, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I know not all 'dirt' will hurt him and it will help build up his immune system but I just worry constantly and it's exhausting.

I sometimes avoid certain situations ie a friend back home gets cold sores and I didn't want her holding him while she had one, I feel like such a horrible person for admitting that

 

[Sassysugar]

Thanks Vicki, I think I needed to hear that other people come in contact and don't get them.

I think I need to pluck up the courage to go to the drs, my oh says I should go too but then I start to worry about what the drs will say out here, it's not the uk so don't know how they would 'handle' my anxiety

 

[knopk@]

Cold sores is a Herpes Simplex virus and is passed very easily, a lot of people have it but it never appears (my mum had it 5 times in her life probably but I suffered as she passed it on to me). I hate it but you cant really get rid of it. Some people have immunity and just live without knowing.

You can only catch is when its in an active stage it cold sores. I understand what you mean but in my case I was petrified I was going to give it to lo (if he doesnt have it already via placenta or maybe he has had antibodies) but he has never had it.

I would never give him to anyone who has a cold sore as well as it is highly contagious virus. Unfortunately you cant shield lo from everything so have to hope he doesnt get it and avoid obvious dangers.

I think its only very dangerous to newborns esp ones who havent had antibodies through milk etc.

I wish they found a cure for it, it was horrible when I was a teenager, now I only get it couple of times a year but its still horrible

 

[Sassysugar]

My anxiety has just gone from bad to worse. I went to coffee morning this morning and when I arrived one of the ladies 3 year old was playing on the floor. I noticed he had a mark on his cheek so asked her if he was ok, had he hurt himself? She said that the nursery had noticed it and that they have asked her to take him to the drs. She said he had it on his cheek, nose and two on his bottom and then said 'oh I think it's just cold sores'. I then noticed she had one on her lip too. The child must have got them from his mum, but how can she be so blasé about it?

I literally had only arrived but I got so anxious that I had to leave. (They didn't see that I was anxious at that point) I went to collect our post from the other room as I was leaving and one of the other ladies asked if I was ok. I said I wasn't feeling well and was going to go home, she kept pushing it saying just have a cup of tea and you might feel better. She could see I was distressed so ended up breaking down to her (which I feel like crap for doing, I don't do talking about problems) I feel like such an idiot for telling her. She was really understanding, suggested I should go to the drs, that I can't wrap him up in cotton wool, that he may get it when he's older from kissing. I said that was out of my control and if he got it then that was his own doing, where as now he is just a baby and if he gets the virus now, it's from me not protecting him iykwim

One of the ladies here is also a HV so she said I should talk to her, if I don't feel comfortable going to the drs, but she said I should go as I may be suffering from pnd. I don't feel like I'm suffering with it, but I don't really know how I should be feeling. I hate that I've even written a thread about this, but I feel like I'm suffocating and just keeping my head above water. I think I need someone to talk to but I don't really know anyone that well out here yet.


I just phoned my oh and broke down on the phone to him, I said I want to go back home to my parents for a break, he is now on his way home. I feel like such a terrible wife and mother

 

[lewisca]

Oh hun ! Glad oh is on his way home. To b honest hin it really does sound like u may have pnd. I was very much like u with my first wouldn't let anyone else do things for him etc used to have have anxiety attacks too . Speak to your Gp they can arrange counselling etc and it really does help. Big hugs hun we r all here for u xxx

 

[Sassysugar]

Thanks hun, one of the other girls saw that I left abruptly and messaged me on fb. She wanted to make sure I was ok and said she was worried when she saw me leave so quickly. She said she is here if I need someone to chat to.

I wrote back and said I might take her up on it. It's hard when you're in a foreign country with no friends or family around. I didn't think it was affecting me this much as I moved to England when I was 18, but then I made lots of friends at college. This is completely different, especially as I have Colby now too and the no one else has babies.

I feel a bit numb today and its horrible.

 

[pringle88]

Hey Hun just to put your mind at rest.... I came out in a cold sore when Ella was less than a week old I was beating myself up so badly thinking I mustve kissed her when the virus was active and I was a wreck for a good couple of weeks.... Ella never caught it from me (I even called the midwife out to check her over) so even though she was with me every hour of the day for the 4/5 days that I had it she never caught it! Hope things get better for you soon hun Xx

 

[Princess81]

Don't feel bad for starting the thread, you need an outlet and you know we are all here to offer advice and not judge you.
It's good that people in RL are offering to help as well. If you can, you should def take them up on their offers of help. I'm the same situation in that I moved overseas and I don't have my family here or many friends. It's easy to feel extremely isolated and lonely which doesn't help matters I'm sure. The situation today I'm sure just pushed you into a state. I have to admit I wouldn't be happy with my l/o coming into contact with cold sores, they are nasty things x

 

[lewisca]

Glad u have someone u can confide in now hun. I always felt the numb feeling was the worst at least u can react to things when u have a feeling. It is hard when no one else has babies my friends have started to catch up now and I'm not one to join mother and baby groups. But it does help getting out. My mum used to drag me out for coffee once a week. Is there someone u can do that with? Not necessarily in a big group as it might feel too
Much xxx

 

[Sarah13]

Don't feel bad about starting this thread, its what we're all here for x
I would have felt a bit funny about the cold sore thing at the baby group too, that's good you found a few people you can open up too though so was maybe a good thing it came to a head today x

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

 

[Sassysugar]

Thanks pringle, stories like that make me think a bit more rationally. Said girl with the 3 year old then put on fb that she had taken him to drs and they think it might be chicken pox but that they're not sure (it didn't look like pox, it was the size of a 10p) but then if i though it was something like that on Colby i would keep him at home so as not to expose other people/children. I know he will catch chicken pox at some point but wouldn't that be easier when he can tell me where it hurts/itches.

I managed to calm down a little bit when oh was home. Still not 100% though. I'm going into town today with a couple of the girls (just to explain, there is a small British community out here, most of the wives don't work and the husbands work with my oh) so it will be good to get out of the house for a bit and I might try and talk to them, one of them is the girl who messaged me to make sure I was ok.

Thanks for listening, I just wish I could stop being anxious about everything

 

[Sassysugar]

So got myself all stressed this morning as his lip looked all weird, red with a little white bit on it. Rang drs to get an appointment, and went down for mid-day.

Dr was lovely and doesn't think it's anything to worry about but I broke down in tears to her. She was all concerned about me and asked if I was like this (ie anxious etc) pre-pregnancy, said yes, I'm such a worrier all the time (it's exhausting) and that I was diagnosed with ocd when I was younger. She asked if I had been on any medication (which I was before ttc) so she has written me a perscription for anti-depressants. She said it's one that's fine to take while bf (which is the whole reason why I'm not any at the mo - mw's tried to persuade me to take them while I was pregnant but couldn't bring myself to take them for fear it affected C)

I have the pack here but I'm apprehensive to take them as I don't want them to affect C, I presume the amount that would go into my milk is miniscule? Anyone else taken a/d while bf?