need help :( :( :(

[purple13]

i've just bawled my eyes out reading midna's thread about BF - i hope you all don't mind me starting my own... i'm just feeling so desperate and need help and support

we came home from hospital last thurs (had connor at 0354 thurs) and he was so sleepy - he'd latched on a couple of times, but wouldn't suck - everyone at the hospital said it was hardly surprising he was tired - 16 hours of established labour combined with pethidine probably hadn't helped... but they said that we had good technique etc so should be fine.

the midwife who came round on friday also went through our positions etc and just said that she was sure he'd start feeding when he was hungry.

i did loads of skin to skin on friday and was still getting him to latch on, but not to suck.

then in the early hours of saturday morning he woke up hungry and started screaming but still wouldn't suck we persevered for nearly 2 hours and then i sent OH out to buy formula and bottles (thank god for 24 hour supermarkets)

a midwife came round again on saturday and again yesterday, and we keep going through positions and the same thing keeps happening - connor latches on well but then just won't suck. but he just looks round or falls asleep. when we're on our own his reaction breaks my heart...

i'm still trying to get connor to feed and failing dismally. he gets frustrated almost straight away and headbutts me, hits me with his little fists and howls... but he sucks ok on fingers, on his bottle, on everything apart from me.

i've been desperate to come on here and ask advice, but i've not had 2 seconds to sit down at the computer... i'm going to a breastfeeding 'cafe' this morning and i'm not going to feed him this morning before i go. please keep your fingers crossed for me...

i really want to make it work but i'm feeling like such a failure and its starting to affect my bond with my beautiful little boy. i love him so much, but i'm starting to not like him very much... it hurts when i see him with OH all curled up and sleeping, when all i feel like i'm getting is a baby who doesn't want me...

 

[Warley]

Hi Purple

Can totally feel for you.

I am exactly the same, really wanted to do it but it just didn't happen for us. In fact I started a similar thread last week, although Tom would latch on, it was so painful I just couldn't bring myself to put the nipple in his mouth...you prob read on Midna's post.

Good luck today and I hope it all works out. X

 

[valentine]

Aw honey - my heart is breaking for you reading the desperation in your post. You need help and you need excellent help and you need it today.

I really really hope that the work that the people at the cafe will do is the breakthrough you need. If not, I would strongly advise you to get alternative help ASAP from your midwife, doctor, local breastfeeding counsellor - as you know, the failure to suck and introduction of formula and bottles at this stage may cause confusion and affect your milk supply.

I would definitely recommend phoning the NCT Breastfeeding helpline or La Leche League for support, advice and help. Here are the numbers:-

NCT Breastfeeding helpline 0870 444 8708
La Leche League 0845 120 2918

Please, please don't give up if you are really keen to breastfeed, this is a key time for you. Whatever decision you make we are here to support you, but it needs to be the right one for you and your baby - reading your post I think that the determination to breastfeed is definitely still there.

Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

P.S. Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

Valentine Xxx

 

[Squiglet]

They should have checked everything was ok before you left the hozzie... my friend had the same problem with her son... and for that reason she ended up giving him formula in the end... and she felt really upset by it when she shouldn't have.

Your LO probably doesn't know what your boob is for.. sometimes lil miss will go on the boob and just fall asleep rather than suck but she does it out of comfort. Try and squeeze some boob milk into his mouth while he's rooting for the nipple, let him lap it up and keep doing it as you put the breast in his mouth.... then squeeze on your boob while he is feeding... the subsequent mouthful of milk will hopefully make him swallow and then keep sucking..

It may or may not work... but go and seek help if you need it. As Mid says all we want to do is feed our LO and have happy healthy babies... and how we accomplish that (either breast or formula) shouldn't be such a huge issue.

 

[Gem & Leland]

im sending u loads of hugs cos this is exactly what ended up with me , part from he also wouldnt latch for first 2 weeks . im sorry i cant help , im now full time bottle feeding and loving it , he looks so happy feeding now and makes this cute lil gulp noises that we didnt get when attemting bf ,it was just a battle , and now i enjoy gettoing naked and having him feed like thats sometimes too , specially after a bath its still great skin to skin contact part from im giving him a bottle not boob

 

[rachie29]

I really feel for you hun

You have had some excellent advice from the others so there isnt much else I can say except you are not alone, b/f is really hard. I hope you get some help today but please remember as long as you are both healthy and happy that is the most important thing, no matter how you feed him.

Good luck today I hope it goes well

 

[happy-chick]

If you want to continue BF I would ttry to get advice/help from a bf advisor cos i was same as u & so distressed that i very nearly gave up but I went to a BF support group & it was best thing i ever did

Good luck whatever u decide xx

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Try and get the help you need breastfeeding as it sounds you really want too do it and it is the best food for your baby, but dont make yourself unhappy trying to do it.

Do whatever makes you totally comfortable.

 

[rusks]

oh hunny i was exactly the same i felt so guilty that i couldn't feed my baby and a complete failure, in hindsight i was much happier and luke was once i put him on a bottle and i could enjoy our time much better and he thrived from then on. i'm not saying for you to give up on breast feeding especially if you really want to do it, but don't do it to the extent you get so down, breast feeding is not for everyone and i personally didn't find it as great as i was made to believe it would be.

if i was in the same situation again i would try my best but if it got too much would make my mind up a lot sooner about trying a bottle - thinking of you

 

[trixipaws]

aww im sorry hun i dont kno what to say others hav already said it- hav u got any BF support groups near where u live?

 

[happy-chick]

Have a read of my thread wen i was struggling, might help u

http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/forum/v ... sc&start=0

 

[purple13]

omg thank you so much everyone i felt like absolute crap yesterday and all your replies really really helped. jo - it sounds like i'm going through pretty much what you went though after reading that link, and its so reassuring to know that i'm not on my own...

i felt so desperate yesterday but things are loads better today. we went to the BF support group and whilst he wouldn't feed when we were there, the lady who took it said that its his fault rather than anything that i'm doing. my milk has kicked in big time now so i've been expressing and feeding him that rather than formula.

then this morning, he latched on at about 1030 and has been feeding (almost constantly) since then! i'm so happy.

the thing is, i've set him down now and he's still sucking his fingers and thumbs and whimpering a bit, so i'm guessing he's still hungry? he doesn't seem to want to suck on me any more though... i'm presuming i just keep trying? reckon the housework will have to wait today

 

[rusks]

well done hunny for persevering x