Nearly 10 months and still an awful sleeper

[CARNAT22]

Sob.

Bee is a terrible sleeper (day has always been really hard and most days she survives on a few cat naps) but night time is just as hard.

We cosleep - she won't entertain her cot even though it's against the bed - and she still feeds several times a night.

She is a very light and restless sleeper... she wriggles, thrashes, grunts. The moment her eyes open she is all over the place... crawling and climbing and it's a real battle to resettle her.

Some nights she will have a solid 4 hours, 1 feed and another solid few hours but these nights are few and far between.

I am broken with tiredness and feel like I won't be able to cope with going back to work in January if sleep hasn't improved.

Bee is a happy, active, very inquisitive wee thing. She is crawling, pulling herself up and cruising. She eats well (BLW), has 6 teeth, and never seems tired or cranky with lack of sleep.

Add to the mix James has started night waking (3 times last night) I am struggling.

Any ideas? HV is useless!!

Also just to add my parents always say I didn't sleep through until I was 4!!! God I won't last until she is 4.

X

 

[Nutsyputs]

I don't really have any advice. My son was and is the same and he's nearly 3 vWe're lucky if we get a few hours sleep before one of ours wakes up. Only thing, you recently potty trained James is he waking to use the toilet or do you put him in pull ups/nappies?

 

[tinselcat]

I was mostly co-sleeping and baby feeding a lot overnight but had to stop that for a variety of reasons.
Went through a number of really difficult stages including:
- baby not settling
- baby waking every hour to feed
- baby waking frequently and then feeding for 1 to 1.5 hours a time (I would fall asleep during these!)

We are currently at baby waking on average once a night, and the other day he even slept from 7.15pm all the way through to 6am (first long sleep ever!) but it has been getting better on average slowly.

The steps I have taken to get there are:
1) Let baby feed to sleep (me on chair) and then put in cotbed. Baby always goes back into cotbed, no matter how exhausted I am & how much easier a feed in bed would be.
2) Let baby feed and then do nighttime routine to get him to go to sleep in my arms.
2a) Set up baby environment to help keep him asleep - involving a fan for constant white noise, Ewan the dream sheep on its white noise setting, and music playing in the background (he doesn't seem to like it when it's quiet or dark).
3) Put baby down into cotbed at night, even if awake. Unfortunately had to use my version of controlled crying/rapid return to help with this (involving me stroking him a lot whenever he started settling down as an incentive for him to do it! using the mantra saying "night night, sheep is here, mummy loves you" and putting him to lie down whenever I go back over and he's stood up & sometimes sat up), as he needed to learn to self-soothe and it was otherwise not happening. He quickly found that he liked to snuggle right up to Ewan for comfort.
4) Reduce number of feeds per night. This was helped by him being able to self-soothe to an extent as not every time he disturbed did he feel the need to wake up properly and start crying. But I have also used a bit of controlled crying when I am sure he doesn't actually need a feed.
5) Try to wear him out during the day with lots of exercise. He has slept better overnight on those days where he has had interrupted naps, bit of a double edged sword!
6) Forgot this one - have migrated bedrooms so that I mainly sleep in another one, as even soft noises from me were sometimes disturbing baby.

None of this is easy but it has been worth it. If you are too exhausted then neither you nor baby are getting best quality of life, hence me eventually going for an option where he cries for a while (the whole, give a man a fish and he can eat for a day vs teach a man to fish and he can feed for life).

I know your situation is slightly different but hopefully there is something from this that you can take away. Baby has been an absolute terrible sleeper and is also incredibly active so there are some similarities. xx

 

[El1en]

I feel for you I really do. My little girl is 6 months and up until 4 months was only up once or twice a nights. Since then she's got worse and worse. Until last week she was down until midnight then up every hour. Last night she was up three times. I'm so tired. Have you considered controlled crying? I'm trying it, it's really hard but for us it's needed. She doesn't need feeding during the night she usually just has a 5 minute cuddle and will go on the boob but doesn't actually feed and falls asleep straight away. I have to use controlled crying to get her to bed at 8pmish. She'd rather not go to be until 10/1030 but The late night makes no difference to the quality of her sleep and my hv said she should be going to bed nearer 7

Have you tried a hot water bottle in her cot? And maybe a tshirt of yours? Or something that smells of you. I'd try and make it as warm as is safe. And maybe use a mobile or some background noise?

 

[can]

No advice I'm afraid. My 9 year old didn't sleep through until he was 5���� and my 22 month old sleeps in the bed with me�� my 4 month old is best sleeper by far but still up 4 times a night for feeding. So last 9 years I've hardly slept!!! Looking forward to 5 yeArs time when I'll buy the most expensive comfortable bed I can find and sleep for a year!!!! Hang in there I feel your pain

 

[jcox]

Hugs to you. My daughter is nearly 14 months and has only been sleeping through for the last week and a bit! I haven't done anything different and her routine hasn't changed at all. I'm not sure it will last though we'll have to wait and see. It's so hard especially when you can't see an end to it!x

 

[Mrs CW]

I have a friend going through this. Are you able to move Bee into her own room? I found once I moved my boys into their own room they slept better. I know it would mean feeding her there but you might find you get better sleep when she's in her room. I didn't co-sleep with either of my boys but I know from friends how difficult it is to make the transition x

 

[bigbee]

Jeez, please no CC!!! I know everyone parents differently, but controlled crying is just cruel...in my opinion.

My boy is the same. Falls asleep around 6.30 give or take, and I have to go upstairs three times before 10 pm. We also bed share. Had his cot against the bed but he would have none of it. I really do sympathise, especially since you also have an older child. Good luck.

White noise (look up alpha music) and solid routine seem to help.

Some babies just don't sleep. Zzzzzz

 

[Les1504]

I was also going to ask whether moving her into her own room was an option? I only have one child, but he's also 3 and back to waking several times a night! It's absolutely killing me alongside working full time! Xx

 

[Selina13]

Hey carnat!
We're in Jan/Feb mums too (me and Theo 9mt)!
I might be going against the grain here but could she eat more solids in the day, could that be why she's restless because she's hungry? We do a mix of BLW and spoon feeding mashed food now. Theo for each meal eats some finger foods, mashed food, fruits, yoghurt and with most of his meals he has some kind of bread type food (typical man eh?!), he has 3* 8oz bottles a day (morning, mid afternoon and night) with water in between- not BF so don't think Bee needs water!
I'm only saying this because my sister did exclusively BF my neice and did BLW and said she struggled because she just didn't put on much weight and was fussy a lot, she put it down to the BLW and that she wasn't eating enough.
Just a thought.
Hugs for you I bet your bloody exhausted!!! Xxxxxxx

 

[Selina13]

Jeez, please no CC!!! I know everyone parents differently, but controlled crying is just cruel...in my opinion.

My boy is the same. Falls asleep around 6.30 give or take, and I have to go upstairs three times before 10 pm. We also bed share. Had his cot against the bed but he would have none of it. I really do sympathise, especially since you also have an older child. Good luck.

White noise (look up alpha music) and solid routine seem to help.

Some babies just don't sleep. Zzzzzz

I used a rain sounds app for Theo and left iPad or phone in his room and it worked a treat- similar to white noise and it helped me when I had pregnancy insomnia!!!

It's well worth a try! Xx

 

[littlemonkey]

I have nothing to offer but sympathy! And to commend you for managing on such little sleep!

My youngest has started teething and waking in the night again because of it. A week before I go back to work. Doh!!!

 

[CARNAT22]

Thanks for all the replies - what would I do without this place?

Bee will be sharing a with James but I want to wait until she is sleeping better as I don't want poor James to get woken [especially now he is starting nursery]

The cot-bed is pushed up against our bed with a side removed - so it's like a massive co-sleeping crib. We need to decide if we're going to keep it like this our put it back together and have it "stand alone". Bee has never, ever spent more than an hour in it. If I move her when she is asleep she just rolls back into bed <sigh>

We started co-sleeping as it was the only way I got any sleep.

Last night was actually a bit better but not great.

Bee has just started to show some proper interest in food and she is eating as opposed to messing about... but I did wonder if she is waking so much as she is hungry.

Or she could be cold? She hates blankets / sleeping bags and even baby-grows. She sleeps in a long sleeve vest, PJ bottoms and socks... Our house is quite cold but Gro-Egg says its OK?

Or it could be teeth I guess?

She has 6 and they just kind of appeared after a period of bad sleeping.

Who knows!

Thanks though.

X

 

[CARNAT22]

PS: I am not a fan of CC as such but I think I am going to have to try some gentle sleep training as there is no way I can go back to work FT on this kind of sleep!!

X

 

[tinselcat]

PS: I am not a fan of CC as such but I think I am going to have to try some gentle sleep training as there is no way I can go back to work FT on this kind of sleep!!

X

I really didn't want to do it either, however my health was rapidly going downhill without the sleep & I made it as gentle as I could for baby, returning rapidly and stroking him/singing to him/cuddling him over the cot's bars etc.

He's still happy and cuddly during the day so it doesn't seem to have affected my bond with him (thank god).

p.s. he went from 7.30 through to 5am this morning, then with some assistance from me from 6.45 to 8.30. Sanity starting to return...

 

[TTT]

My lo is the exact same as yours. We co sleep because it meant that I got some sleep instead of nothing. I also feed him loads of solids during the day.

Yesterday he ate his morning porridge, napped, ate some home made fish pie, a whole banana, napped, had a jar of hipp baby food and a fruit pot cos we were out, napped then had a huge portion of more home made fish pie before bath and bed. He slept between 830 and 1am which is unusual. He was then like a jumping bean in his sleep between 2 and three so my husband took him away and sat with him from 330 til 430 and he fed at 5/6/7.

He has started chewing my nipples at night rather than actually feeding, no long sucks, which is contributing to my.nipple blebs and plugged ducts. So I think I should try and rock him instead of feeding him to reduce his night feeds now. I let him lead and he has dropped day feeds himself although he'll still ask for a quick feed every now and again. I let him feed in the night as I don't have to get up but I think its time to try rocking first and feed if he's genuinely hungry. That's what I'm going to try.

When you go back to work, would it be an option for your parents to stop over between bed time and early hours of morning to give you a break and catch up on sleep?

 

[Toni.C]

I have nothing so add but wanted to command you and the other super mummies that do it with no sleep! You must be exhausted

My friends little boy was never a good sleeper until he hit about 14 months old and he started gradually going longer and longer. He also never napped during the day and hated going in the car too so she couldn't get him off that way. He is now so much better and gets a decent 1-2 hours during the day. He is such an active baby that just doesn't settle and can't switch his brain off.

I just wanted to say it'll get easier and to hang in there. There is some great advice above

 

[northerngirl]

I think that saying controlled crying is cruel is an awful thing to say. Sometimes it's the only way and it's some people's choice, I did it for 1 night and it helped felix get himself back off to sleep for ages. Does that mean that mothers who use controlled crying techniques are cruel??

 

[Belfa]

I'm lucky as my LO likes his sleep but to get him to sleep through I did have to "train" him as it were. He was basically waking up and wanting a bottle but not needing it as he would never finish it so HV suggested when he started to stir I should use dummy / shush him back to sleep etc. It took a good 3-4weeks but it did eventually work. We also did dream feeding - have you tried that? Does she have a set bed time routine?

As for naps, LO refused to nap in the house and would do it when I was out and about or being pushed in his pram but this week I've been determined that he would nap in his cot. So i knew he liked to drift off at 10am for example so at 9.55am id get him back in his sleeping bag, offer a bottle if he was due soon and shush him into his nap. His naps were short in his cot but yesterday and today he's gone 40mins each time x

 

[caseysmummy11]

I co slept with my little boy for a year as it was the only way I got sleep. (Honestly didn't know how grumpy I could be til sleep deprived) he slept well like this but was hard transition back to his own bed at over 12 months old. I tried everything would even rock him to sleep on pushchair for hours a night ( something I've sworn I won't do with lily ) so I'm the end I did something similar to tinsel cat and put him in his own cot sit at the side with him and hold his hand and then eventually got further and further out of his room until he no longer was bothered whether I was there or not. I tried controlled crying but didn't work for us.
Lily on the other hand has been different I didn't co sleep as she was premature it's not recommended. She started off falling asleep in my arms then would put her to bed. She would wake frequently throughout the night. I found an app which didn't work at first but does now called baby sleep and it has lots of different white noise options I. E hoover, shower and car. I now put her down awake with the app she has to have all lights off and she falls to sleep within 10 mins. It took alot of perseverance and stroking her head to start off with or just holding her hand but now if she wakes in the night I just put the app back on and she falls back to sleep for the most part. Although when I tried to use just the crib as we currently use the carrycot off the pushchair inside the crib she was very restless and woke frequently throughout the night. She like to feel cosy with her forehead on the side of the carrycot but I think that has a lot to do with her being a twin as she was likes to feel snug and always has so that's my next hurdle to convert from carrycot to crib! But I really do sympathise with you I was up with both of mine last night as my little boys unwell so had 4 hours broken sleep and I'm feeling very grumpy today so I'm having a pj day with lots of chocolate lol! Hope it gets better for you soon xxxx