Nearing the end

[Linzie2012]

Having a down evening regarding my miscarriage so feel the need to write about it.

Had my ERPC early evening of Tuesday, the entire operation went well & smooth. It was a very scary & emotional day, I also cried through to theatre.

Being under it just felt as if I blinked, it was over & I was in recovery. Back on the ward not soon after where my OH was waiting it my room, I felt so happy to see him. I was home within 2 hours of having the operation.

Being home, first day I was tired with a tender tummy & some discomfort of cramping with very light bleed. Today I have a little more bleeding & passed a clot but a lot less discomfort today. I'm still feeling emotionally wrecked though & waiting Until I feel normal again - but I know that would never happen.

I did want or prefer to have a natural miscarriage but I felt It could of dragged on or a few more weeks, & felt I needed closure now to move on.

To remember my angel baby I'm going to plant daffodils in my front drive where they will grow & smile in the wind each February/march.

I still can't believe I have lost my baby, we are not throwing ourselves or ward just yet & trying to quick for the next. I feel we need to overcome this yet.

 

[can]

hun im so sorry for your loss i know it is horrible. I just wanted to say to you i know its hard now for you but believe me it does get better with time, the pain starts to fade and you will get back to better. I had my second mc in jan which was a erpc and i had a natual mc in nov, and i felt able to move on better and quicker after the erpc. Look after yourself and look to the future x x x x

 

[Lozzaste]

Hiya, so sorry for your loss.
I lost two last year, both at 11+ weeks and exactly five months apart, it is hard, don't get me wrong but as Can says above it really does get better. The pain fades but you never forget. The daffodils are a beautiful idea, really lovely. Mine is that if we send cards as a family (I have a 16 month old too) then I always sign the card with two kisses for the two we lost. No one else needs to know what that means, but we do.
In terms of natural, both mine were natural, the first was very quick, it all happened within hours, so when the second happened, I figured it would be the same. I didn't pass the baby until three days after the first bleed. I couldn't look, but my husband did. That's why in a way, I wish that I had gone for the surgical, option - as then the baby could be analysed to find a cause, that doesn't happen if you go home.
The one thing that kept me going is trying again, but that's a very personal thing, and only do that when you're ready. As I say, it does get easier but I will never really get over the anger of "why me" but I guess these things just happen.
Big hugs xx

 

[Linzie2012]

Thank you for the reply.

We are getting much better.

The last few days since the operation I have found it very difficult to think to be pregnant again, I'm just totally petrified of having to go through any of this again.

But today I have slightly come to terms, & picked myself up a little. We're not trying immediately but allowing my body to recover so awaiting my first period. Im hoping that wont take to long.

My emotions are still all over the place, I cried this morning again, But I am home alone today for the first time since having the operation so I think I just let lose a little. Crying helps!

 

[Katkin72]

Hi Linzie I just posted in your other thread too what you're feeling is totally normal, I would have days when I felt I was coming to terms with my loss and even felt ok, and then wham I would be in floods of tears. Be kind to yourself and don't bottle your emotions up, give yourself time to grieve and talk to your OH about how you are feeling as he will be hurting too. Sending lots of love & hugs xxx

 

[HelenJ]

Just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss. I felt so bad with my mc,not per se at first but as theweeks/months went by it got worse. I really do think I got obsessed by getting pregnant again and depressed for feeling sorry for myself for losing the other one. I came to a point where I detested to have sex or any physical contact with my husband (but I had too to get pregnant).

Now being pregnant again I am still sad and it will never replace the other lost baby. I still miss that baby (that would have been born by now). I don't think it will ever get away but it will ease down a bit in time.

I bought a small girl with forget me not flowers from willow tree and it stand on my dresser in my bedroom. Besides from that I didn't really do anything.

 

[Linzie2012]

Thank you for your replays. I'm very grateful