My wife is infertile. Can we ever have a baby?

[LinColn]

Dear folks, hope you all are doing well!

I'm a 38 years old husband. I have a beautiful wife, 36 years old. I was 31 and she was 29 when we got married. It was actually a love marriage. We have been married almost for 7 years. And since then, we've been trying for a baby with no luck. My darling wife is suffering from a fertility problem, she looks pretty healthy though. When I first started dating her, she never told me about this because she didn't know. After a couple of years of our marriage, we decided to have our first baby. We tried many times, but unluckily no positive result. My parents asked us to go for a medical checkup. My report was okay, I can have children. But the report said that my wife is infertile. Believe me I was so depressed when I read that report. Even I had no idea how to discuss it with my beloved wife. With a very heavy heart, we had words. I still remember that day, we actually cried a lot like hell. My wife was literally heartbroken because she knew she can never give me a baby due to her infertility problem. But I didn't give up. I knew we can't help each other, but medical science can do.

We've already consulted many fertility specialists and experts so far. Even we did IVF#1 last year, but it was failed miserably. I have still some hopes, but my wife doesn't. Our family members and friends are recommending us to go for surrogacy. I've researched about it. It may give us good results, but I'm not sure about it. I've been trying to make my wife ready for this, but she never shows a positive response. My life has now become a living hell. I love my wife, I can't leave her just because she is infertile.

What shall I do? Any help please?

 

[snowbee]

Hi there. Sorry to hear you are struggling. We also had problems conceiving and after testing we found out it was me with the issues and my husband was ok. I felt really guilty like it was all my fault. It was awful seeing my husband upset and knowing that it was me, although he never blamed me at all I still felt bad. What issues have been identified? Depending on what the problem is would make a difference to your options.

She may not be ready to accept surrogacy as an option, it can take time to come to terms with things, try not to push her into an option she isn't ready for, although I feel your frustration. Would it be an option to take some counselling, either together or separately? It might help her to talk with someone outside the situation.

 

[loui_helen]

This is very sad, you guys have been married for 7 years but still childless (not by choice). I can understand your pain. Life becomes a living hell when you come to know that you can never have babies due to infertility. But, thanks to advanced medical treatments that today you can easily overcome infertility issue.

Which infertility problem does she have? Doesn't she have enough eggs to get pregnant or what? The more you tell us, the better we can help you. If the infertility is caused due to insufficient amount of eggs, you can consider using egg donation. As I can see you did IVF in your past, but that was failed. Sometimes IVF treatment may fail, but not always. You look interested towards surrogacy, but your wife doesn't. Surrogacy should be the last option for any couple suffering from infertility. Even surrogacy may cost you more than egg donation.

And if your wife is not ready for surrogacy, then don't just force her. Try to convince her, take her to a counselling. All I suggest you to visit a good fertility clinic, they can help you better.

 

[miamia]

Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. If your wife underwent IVF, it means that fertility treatments might help your wife get pregnant. I would recommend discussing with yr doc IVF with PGS NGS (1st IVF often fails) or IVF with donor eggs. You might also skip fertility treatments, and go straight to surrogacy. Good luck on your journey.

 

[LinColn]

According to her report, her ovary can't produce enough eggs to get pregnant. Even her eggs quality is poor. When the first IVF was failed, the doctor asked us to go for another one. I was ready, but my wife was not. She had no hope left just because of the first IVF failure.

And if your wife is not ready for surrogacy, then don't just force her. Try to convince her, take her to a counselling. All I suggest you to visit a good fertility clinic, they can help you better.

Last week, I took her for counseling. They did their work, and my wife is now ready for IVF one more time. She also says if unfortunately the IVF wouldn't help us, she's ready for surrogacy. Now my job is to find some best fertility clinics.

 

[loui_helen]

Last week, I took her for counseling. They did their work, and my wife is now ready for IVF one more time. She also says if unfortunately the IVF wouldn't help us, she's ready for surrogacy. Now my job is to find some best fertility clinics.

Generally, infertile women show less interest towards surrogacy than fertile women. Just because she knows that the baby she gets from the surrogate would only be her husband and the egg donor or the surrogate (in case of traditional surrogacy). It's very good to know that your wife is now ready for surrogacy. Best of luck.

 

[LinColn]

Last week, we visited few fertility clinics in both Canada and USA. But the cost they're telling us for IVF is quite high and unaffordable. Some countries like Ukraine and Mexico provide IVF treatment at low cost. But we can't take any health risks just to save some money. Is it a good idea if we move abroad for IVF treatment?

Also, we consulted some experts who told us that IVF may fail sometimes. Is it really true or just a misconception? Please guide us and share your thoughts here.

 

[blacksnow]

Also, we consulted some experts who told us that IVF may fail sometimes. Is it really true or just a misconception? Please guide us and share your thoughts here.

Even the best IVF clinics get 60-65% success rates, and it might happen that a lady undergoes a few IVF-s to get pregnant.
There are a few countries that offer high-quality IVF at pocket friendly prices. Myself I know a few ladies who cycled in Czech Rep and Poland (Gdansk), and have been happy with IVF clinics. I have no dir experiences with surrogacy, but from what I have read many ladies are happy with IVF clinics in Russia and Georgia. Even if IVF clinics in the US are the most expensive, they have the highest success rates in the world. Good luck

 

[Syd43]

As blacksnow says, the 60-65% success rates that some clinics have are really as good as it gets, if you know for sure that your wife's egg quality is poor then the odds of success are likely to be lower. Sorry to sound negative but when my partner and I did IVF I knew that the chances of it working were less than 5% (due to my age) and it turned out he didn't realise that and was completely shocked when it didn't work, I think it's best to be informed going in. It could absolutely work but you need to speak to the clinic about the odds.

You wouldn't need to move abroad for treatment, just be able to spend some time in the country that you choose. I will have my next round of treatment in Greece and I live in Hong Kong. There are lots of recommended clinics in Europe that will be significantly cheaper than the US. If you are both considering surrogacy, you may want to look at donor eggs as an option.

Very best of luck.

 

[loui_helen]

Also, we consulted some experts who told us that IVF may fail sometimes. Is it really true or just a misconception? Please guide us and share your thoughts here.

Yes, sometimes IVF may fail. I’ve heard many people telling that their IVFs were failed miserably. Don’t forget it’s just a medical procedure, that’s it. No one can really guarantee that IVF can help you. But this doesn’t mean that IVF always fails. Many people have successfully conceived through IVF treatment. Unfortunately your very first IVF was failed, but you should try it again.

Some countries like Ukraine and Mexico provide IVF treatment at low cost. But we can't take any health risks just to save some money. Is it a good idea if we move abroad for IVF treatment?

If you can’t afford IVF in USA, you can go abroad. I don’t think so there’s any harm. I’ve heard many successful stories of people who visited Ukraine for IVF treatment.

 

[miamia]

Syd43- good luck with yr treatment. Agreed, there are many IVF clinics in Europe that offer high quality and affordable treatment. Myself I know a few ladies who have undergone IVF in Poland and Czech Rep, and paid about EUR2,500