My thoughts

[Mumof3]

So I lost the baby over the weekend. I figured it was coming, but I was still holding out hope.
What hurts is I never knew how far along I was, I never had a scan pic and all I have left of the baby is a few pregnancy tests where the 2nd line is beginning to fade already

I'm finding it pretty hard to deal with at the moment. I know lots of you have been where I'm standing. It does get easier doesn't it?

We were trying, but not trying for this baby. It was soon after our baby was born, and we had small issues about the house move at the end of the month etc, and going back to work, if we could afford another baby. But we worked things out and we knew we would be alright. My partner's got a new job which he starts at the end of the month, and things were really looking well. We had so many plans and now they are gone.

It has made us feel that we definatly do want another baby soon. I had so many plans for the baby and the new baby together, with them being so close in age, that are gone now.

I want to get settled into our new house, and then really try again for another one. Am I wrong though? Should I be taking my time, letting my body get used to this? If I do get pregnant soon, it will be three pregnancies in a year. Is that too much? Is it why I lost the baby in the first place that my body isn't ready to look after another baby so soon?

And if I do get pregnant again, what if I loose it as well? I've already lost two babies in my last two pregnancies. Is there something wrong with me?

I was a mess last night. I had a huge row with my DP over our cats. They decided to crap in the bathroom and DP traipsed it all over the place. Swore it wasn't him when it was. Well anyway, he ended up going out and I just cried. I got it into my head that it was my fault. That I lost the baby because I wasn't a good enough mum to the children I have already. And if I can't look after these, then why should I have another one. I sat awake half the night just crying and thinking about what might have been. I also can't remember crying about the twin I lost, so I got myself more worked up because I was thinking it was a sort of punishment because I didn't care about the last baby.

I'm doing better today. I guess I just needed to put my thoughts down into words. And why does everything feel 100x worse at night?

 

[Manda&Thomas]

hiya hun
im sorry your feeling so bad but it does get better as for the feeling worse at night everyone does as we are relaxed and have more time to think about things
if you feel you would be ready to have enougher baby then go for it dont let the fact that you lost two babys stop you
my sister lost 2 babys in a year 1 at 13 weeks and 1 at 15 weeks then went on to have a healthy baby boy
we lose babys for many reasons i dont think there is any evidence to surjeched that if you get pregnant close together the risk for losing them is any higher
some of us are just more unlucky
i wish you all the best hun and hope you can work threw this
manda xx

 

[PRIDDY7]

hi hun, first of all im sorry to hear of your losses!! I think if your ready to start again then go for it!! I had a stillbirth at 27weeks and got pregnant again straight after which then resulted in miscarriage at 9 weeks but again I got pregnant straight away and managed to go on to have a healthy baby girl!! My midwife was very supportive and told me she believed we didnt need to wait and should just get on with things.

Im sure at the moment your emotions are still all over the place and you are bound to grieve for every baby you have lost, its only natural so please dont be so hard on yourself!!!
Things do get easier but unfortunately I think the hurt never goes away and even though my losses were over 8 years ago I still have a good weep quite often and its also the reason im struggling over deciding whether to have another baby or not as im sure you already know its hard to put yourself through the worry and trauma of what may go wrong but we can only cling to the hope that when things are right everything will work out right!! Good luck with things my thoughts are with you, Sarahxx.

 

[Rosebay]

So sorry to hear of your recent loss, and of your previous losses too. Have a look at the thread that Steelgoddess started on here about "things that I know"- it's got a lot of positive statements in it and it's worth reminding yourself of them. It hasn't happened because of anything you did or didn't do, it's not because you're a bad mother (I'm sure you're a great mum!), it's not because you became pregnant quickly or because you didn't deserve it. All those bad thoughts go through our heads but none of them are true .

I know what you mean about having nothing to show for it, I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks, I still have my pregnancy tests but one has faded and the digi one only lasts a few days. I have a photo of both that I posted to the TTC board and that's it for that baby- apart from the huge hole in my heart for it that is. It's so hard .

I am desperate to TTC again and so is my OH but we're going to wait until after my first AF, I think I need a little space before TTC but only a few weeks, everything else is telling me to get on with it and I think it's pretty natural. There are no statistics to say that TTC straight away or waiting after a m/c make any difference to your chances of a healthy baby so it really is up to you and how you feel about it all.



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[Steelgoddess]

Hon no one losses babys because they have kids already, or because its a punishment or your a bad mother. (Which i highly doubt you are.).

If you are wanting kiddies quite close in age then there is no reason to give yourself a short break and then try again...

xxx