my mom

[*saulino*]

Hi

Wellsome know that all my life my mom has come and gone due to being an alcoholic and a drug user of many sorts.
Well i refuse to let her see Kiara till she is clean.
She broke up with her bf and is now in Quesnle living with my auntie and cousins trying ot get better tonight she is going to her first na meeting which is a class with people who are allstopping using .
She told mne she is really nervous cuz its all shes ever known i told her i am here to support her through it and i got all emotional i miss my momso much but cannot get close other when she was using so i am reallyhoping she is gonna stop fo rher sake and for mine and my siblings
Just last month my brother who will be 19 at the end of themonth was cryin got my dad saying he did a good job raising us but he still wished our mom was here and that she was with us growing up.
I told my mom this which is what i think really hit her.

I talked to her for about half hour and said i want you back mom i would lovce to have a momand told her that i dont feel likei have one. o even told her i loved her for the first time in 2 years .
I think when i said that it made her feel good as she didnt know what to say after i had said it back toher i think now she realizes i was never made just disappointed and sad.

What would you guys do in my situation?
Im gettign all emotional im excitied but dont wanna get my hoppes up as she has tried many times to stop and hasnt succeded .
How long would you want her to wait before seeing your children? she had never seen Kiara. would you wait and say by christmas she can see her or wait till sometime next year
Please i need some suggestions i hope im not the only one tahthas gone through somthing like this

Sorry ive gone on for so long had to let this out

Katrina xx

 

[Em78]

Ah hun thats so sad. brill news that she is trying though.

tough one with when to let her see the kids. if you make it too far away it might seem too impossible for her. i know from my dads experience giving up alcahol that you have to take one day at a time so if something is too far away it might all seem to much.

perhaps a reasonably short visit in a month or two to give her something to look forward to then once she has seen them and sees what she has been missing it may give her something to aim for. but i wouldnt make it regular at that point. for your kids sake you dont want them to get attached at this point as its early days. then maybe arrange another visit in one or two months to give her a next point to get to.

i think the kids could really be a good way of helping her as long as you protect them by not making it too regular. as she improves then the visits can increase. she might need some reasons to keep trying and family is the best reason she has.

i think this is what i'd do but ofcourse hun its your family and you have you decide what you are comfortable with.

really hope it works out for you. my dad has never looked back and i am so proud of him. i would wish the same for your family.

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[*saulino*]

Hi

Thank you for your reply hun
I think something like that could work, she wouldnt be visiting regular as she lives in Quesnel whichis 7 hours from us so realistically she would only be able to afford to make a trip once a month or every second month
Im glad your dad is clean now i know it must be tough to do and dont know how to help except to be there for them.
i have barely seen Bernie the past few nights been working over time and he had no clue i had been talking to her i was nervous to tell him as he had a grudge with her cuz she had kicked us out on the street 2 summers ago but i started crying and told him how i felt he understood gave me a hug and told me to tell her were here if she needs us and said hope she gets better.
thanks again for listening to me rant em78 i thought no one would reply
Katrinaxxx

 

[Urchin]

Awww hun

Personally I would havea short (15 mins?) visit in a few weeks to show her what she is missing. Give her a photo and tell her that she has something to work towards, your family is her reason to be clean.

 

[Em78]

its good that bernie understands - best to be united on these things.

yeah my dad stopped drinking , god must be over 15 years ago now! i was only a kid and never really knew anything was wrong, my mum was pretty good at hiding it from us and he wasnt your stereo typical drinker, just quiet & uninvolved with the family a lot. when i look back now i see stuff and think ahhhh! but at the time was oblivious really. thankfully i can honestly say i had a very happy childhood. just wich my poor mum had been happier in herself as she dealt with it alone and was really strong to made my dad choose in the end. they are relly tight now as is the whole family.

things can turn out right and i really hope things work out for your family.

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