My lost twin

[evie_smith]

Its a bit long so i thank anyone that gets through this and replies xxxx

I thought I was ok but I don't know if I really am
It just keeps going round in my head someone in my family said when I lost one of them

"Oh well there must have been something wrong with it"

"Do how far are you gone?"

"Do you still have 2 sacs and are you sure they both survived?"

Now this person didn't even say sorry for my loss or anything just text me to see what happened to get the information. When I was told by another member of the family on the phone I must ring or text them to tell them what going on as they want to know I told them straight that I was really upset with this person. But I sent a scan picture to her phone anyway and all I got back was

"Is that the dead baby sack at the bottom?"

No awe at the baby or anything just as above as wrote. I didn't reply back to her.

I know it's not just about this one person but I have just been holding back - I haven't even cried. I feel so lucky to still have one an really grateful of that. But I feel so numb. I should have had 2! When this baby is born I'm going to be thinking what if they looked like each other?! I know I'm really lucky still be be left with one and I am grateful. But the "are you sure both survived?" I said yes as I seen the heart beat (she was implying the other one may be dead as well) and she went on to say
"Well that ok then you wouldn't want the other one to die now as well"

I know I shouldn't listen to her but its been circling. I feel greedy and spoilt for feeling sad and upset that I lost one as I've got one left. I feel like I shouldn't feel sad as I've still got one on board. Everyone I've spoken to (that have been nice) have all said

Well look on the bright side you still have one

And I know what they mean and I really really really am grateful and I mean that 100% but I feel like (and I know they are not) but its like they are saying. "Ah well you have got one so that's it no looking back and think yourself lucky" - but like I'm being selfish to moan my lost baby - maybe I am being. I still have one after all. But I feel like the lost twin was there and I don't want it to be forgotten. I think it has been made worse by people around me.

Am I selfish for feeling this way? Or being pathetic? Should I just forget? Like everyone wants me to?

X

 

[tiaflame]

You're not being pathetic- you have still lost a baby and you need to grieve for that lost angel. Yes you still have a baby on board which of course you will be thankful for-cant believe some people, it's disgusting. Big hugs xx


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[MrsMushroom]

Sweetheart, you are not selfish or ungrateful or pathetic or any of those horrible things. You've lost a baby, just the same as I have and whether you still have a baby growing inside you or not does not make that any easier for you to handle.

You have to be allowed time to grieve for that little baby and everyone does this in their own way and I their own time.

Have you thought about a way, like me, to remember your angel? It might help you.

And as for the family members/so called friends, whatever they are, people like that are not worth your tears honey. My best friend said to me today "Some people are complete fucking inconsiderate bitches. Fact!" and she is absolutely 100% right.

I wish I could give you a big hug xxx

 

[evie_smith]

Thanks for your reply. See that's what I feel like yes I still have got a baby on board but I've still lost a baby it's not a nice feeling at all but I feel like I can't talk to anyone as its like I'm being selfish as I'm still pregnant it's like "nothing happened" to everyone else but to me I've still lost my baby. Even if I have got one left. And thank you for gettin through my massive text and replying xxx

 

[faireunepipi]

Sending massive virtual ((( hugs)))

 

[evie_smith]

Sweetheart, you are not selfish or ungrateful or pathetic or any of those horrible things. You've lost a baby, just the same as I have and whether you still have a baby growing inside you or not does not make that any easier for you to handle.

You have to be allowed time to grieve for that little baby and everyone does this in their own way and I their own time.

Have you thought about a way, like me, to remember your angel? It might help you.

And as for the family members/so called friends, whatever they are, people like that are not worth your tears honey. My best friend said to me today "Some people are complete fucking inconsiderate bitches. Fact!" and she is absolutely 100% right.

I wish I could give you a big hug xxx

Thanks bab. Yes they are very inconsiderate. I feel bad as I haven't even cried. It's like I've been holding back I feel sad but haven't let it out. I had a mc in July too and haven't cried for that baby either. It's like if I cry its making it real. I know this is a mad way to look at it as I know it's real anyway but so far I haven't allowed myself to feel that pain phycially through crying I've just kept everything locked inside.

I haven't throught of a way yet to remember them but its a good idea I don't even know where I would start. I made my ticker but that's as far as I've got x


Also (((hug))) for you too

 

[knopk@]

Hun, its hard losing a baby no matter what. When i had an early mc, I knew that was probably because something was wrong but it doesnt really make a grieving any different.
Also with my son, at a very early scan they said it might be identical twins but at 8 weeks there was just one but it still felt weird that second one just stopped growing inside.
Nature is a weird thing, its amazing how strong your bean is though but dont try ro brush the grieving away, you went through a lot
xxx

 

[evie_smith]

Thanks bab I think that's what I have been doing trying to brush it away it was 2 different sacs that they seen on the 17th both nice and round in shape so would have been fractional then on the 29th just one - to which I'm really happy for but I feel like I'm ignoring the other life that was there x

 

[Sassyjane]

Huni, having not being thru this I know I can't say anything to help, but just wanted to send you a huge hug, don't let these selfish, inconsiderate idiots get you down, lots of love sweets xxx

 

[Emily0505]

Awwww sweetheart, first of all have a

Second of all, ignore hurtful and quite frankly completely inconsiderate comments and surround yourself with people who will support you through this.

Ofcourse it is ok for you to feel sad and grieving for your lost baby, regardless of the fact that the other is still safe and sound. Its not at all selfish or ungrateful. Ofcourse you can be happy that you have one little life inside you, but it should have been two and its ok to be sad about that. You need to grieve hun, its important to go through the process.

And, no matter what, you will never ever forget your angel

XX

 

[tinks77]

I haven't read all the replies but my god hunnie, its perfectly ok to feel the loss. Yes you still have a baby but you did lose one and you will never forget that. I think it's totally insensitive for that person to be saying anything like that. I'm actually furious on your behalf.
I don't get why some people think you'll be 'oh well at least I've still got one' that little bean was still your child and always will be

Massive hugs hun, its ok to mourn the loss of one and still be over joyed for the other xxx

 

[evie_smith]

Thank you every one I really thought I was being selfish a friend of mine said to me
"Well most pregnancies only have one anyway"
This sounds bad ^^ but used in the context we were talking in it was actually really nice as she was trying to cheer me up but I've been saying it to everyone and feel like its just something I'm saying. I think if the people who have said insensitive things say anything again I will tell them I'm still not overly happy with talking about it and still coming to terms with it. I know it wasn't long I knew I was having twins but for them 12 days I either thought there would be 2 or none left and I got used to the idea that if I was having a baby I was having 2! I'm so so happy for my 1 but I think people that are being insensitive will hear I'm not ok with them talking like that from now on.
Thank you everyone for replying I really so appreciate it x

 

[clairem1980]

Wow, it's amazing how insensitive some people can be! My jaw literally dropped reading those messages!
Can't imagine how it feels to lose a baby and still be having a baby at the same time really hope your baby is a strong one x x x

 

[evie_smith]

Thanks bab I'm feeling a little bit better after a nights sleep. I feel good within myself. Still a bit off but better and better is good - good old sleep ey! I think I feel better now I know I'm not being selfish. When I have the bab I might get a tattoo for the other baby and my mc in July something nice like a little bird or some writing x

 

[Katkin72]

Wow, some people can be so insensitive - it really upset me reading what people have said to you!! I think everyone here has already said what I was going to say but just wanted to stop by to give you a big of course it's natural for you to grieve for the baby you lost, it irrelevant that you still have another healthy baby growing inside you, you have still suffered a loss You are definitely not selfish or ungrateful and you will never forget the one you lost. Sending you lots of love and positive wishes for a healthy pregnancy xxxx
(sorry - not sure I worded any of that very well, having some emotional turmoil of my own atm and can't seem to get my words out lol - hope my ramblings made sense ) xxx

 

[BabysMomma]

OMG hunni What a disgusting, vile excuse for a human being that person is. I'd ignore them or change my number and wouldn't have anything to do with someone like that ever again! Some people are just horrible!

You need to grieve for your baby that you lost. Yes you still have one of the twins and naturally you feel greatful for that, but t doesn't take away from the fact that you've lost one of your precious bubbas. You're not being ungrateful be feeling the way you do. If you didn't then I think you'd be inhumane.

Stuff what that "person" says or does, someone like that isn't worth your time. You need all of your energy and time to put into you, grieving for your lost baby and concentrating on baby who is still alive.

I really cannot believe people sometimes. I'm actually peeved for you hun. Massive xxxx

 

[jojo3972]

Some ppl are just insensitive and more than likely have no had a loss ppl have no idea what ts like to have a mc or lose a child but are quick to open there gobs! Ur not selfish or any thing does not make it an easier that u have got one left inside I went through summet similar with my 4th pregnancy they said was highly likely I lost a twin I lost so much blood at 9 weeks and cervix was open wen I got to the docs. N he said u have mc but we will send u fr a scan anyways and to my relief there was my baby happily wiggling about they said we can't be 100 percent but we think I lost a twin and this has always bothered me and I watched that programme about beeing pregnant with twins and to lose one and the twin left having problems in life now my 15 yr old daughter has had lots of the problems that programme underlined sonido feel she was a twin and I think about how she should have had a twin and what life should have been like and this is 15 yrs later so u have every right to grieve ur loss yes ur lucky to have one left but of course ur going to grieve for the one u lost, don't know what is wrong with some ppl I realy don't and immrealy sorry for ur loss and gd luck with rest of ur pregnancy xxx

 

[evie_smith]

Thank you I'm sorry to ask but what problems can a twin that's lost a twin have? I would really like to know as its something I might have to look out for. X



I just told my husband about the tattoo idea and he replied with

"Nar what's the point if you didn't have an early scan you wouldn't have known"

I know he is still sad about the loss and shutting it out (this is how he deals with things). But I felt it a bit harsh to say to me - I'm all soppy today I actually cried this morning for the first time an now I can't stop myself from tearing up! How pathetic huh!

 

[redbear]

That person who said all that stuff is stupid or a bitch!
You have every right to morn the loss of your baby, I know your grateful for the surviving twin but its a loss all the same. I think that tattoo will be a beautiful way to remember the baby, dont feel guilty for what you feel its better to greave now when you have time to think than when the baby is here and your emotions will be all over the place. i hope your feeling better now xxxx

 

[evie_smith]

Yea I'm feeling better today. I think allot of it hasn't sunk in till yesterday. I know it happened but I wouldn't let myself process it iykwim? Specially as the 2 people that have been that way to me have had losses themselves I know one of them "the friend" well she is a friend of a friend so not my friend is really jealous of me getting pregnant - she is ttc but not actively. She has 2 girls but seems to have trouble ttc she has never used protection with her other half but there is 6yrs in between the girls and the eldest is now 6. So maybe she feels a bit pushed out. Or angry - and I know what it's like ttc and not getting anywhere but she doesn't have to take it out on me and not in that way. Specially as she was the one contacting me and making he effort as I didn't x