Better start at the beginning I suppose...
Hubby and I were ntnp for 6 months and nothing. By this time I was getting impatient so decided to start trying properly and used OPKs for the first time and there it was BFP!!
So really, we got preggers on our first month trying properly! Nice!!
I had an amazing pregnancy with no complications. I did have to go for a growth scan as measuring big and not following a line on the growth chart. Also had to go in for monitoring once as baby's heart rate too high but all was well with both those extra checks. I loved loved loved being pregnant, watching my tummy grow and feeling my little one wriggle about was simply amazing and I truly hope to be able to do it again some day.
Labour and birth was an amazing experience and one that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Although I didn't end up with the birth I had hoped for the end result was the same.. my perfect son. Cameron Elliot was born weighing 7lb4oz on the 21st August (10 days overdue- I was obviously just too good at being pregnant!! Lol!!)
The week after his birth was simply the worst of my life. The day after he was born, having previously been transferred back to our local hospital, it was discovered that Cameron had a raised temperature and a raised respiratory rate. Cue ambulance, traumatised mummy and a transfer back to a bigger hospital. Not how you imagine your first day with your new baby. At the hospital bloods were taken but as his temp had gone back down and his breathing regulated we were sent to the transitional care ward for bf support. However, later that day after all my visitors and hubby had gone home, I was woken from my nap to be told that the blood results had come back showing that Cameron may have an infection and we were being moved to the neonatal unit.
Cameron was treated with IV antibiotics, had more bloods, a lumbar puncture and they attempted to take urine directly from the bladder but were unsuccessful. I was in pieces and terrified that Cam was seriously ill. I have never felt so helpless. I cuddled him and cried my eyes out, begging him, pleading with him to please be OK. The days and night seemed to roll into one and I seemed to spend all my time expressing to try and get my milk to come in. I was so exhausted after a few days, but would not let anyone take Cameron from me so I could rest. In the end, one of the nurses just said I'm taking him to the nursery so you can sleep and I'll wake you when he needs a feed. Well, when feed time came around, I was so exhausted she couldn't wake me!! Luckily she settled Cameron and successfully roused me a bit later on!
The news that Cameron had the all clear and we could be discharged back to our local hospital was music to my ears and after one more night there we were allowed to go home. The memory of that week will haunt me forever and has tainted my first few days of being a mum. The time when you should be at home in familiar surroundings, safe with the people you love and full of the joys of the new addition to your family for me were spent in a stark hospital room with no windows, bleeping machines sounding day and night and a constant headache from the tears that just wouldn't stop flowing. I never knew it was possible for a person to cry as much as I did that week. There was also an issue with him loosing too much weight after birth and we had to top up with formula as I have diminished milk supply so cannot sustain him on breast milk alone. I put him on the formula top ups with no hesitation after it was suggested, as after everything else that had happened, i din't want the added worry of him not gaining weight.
It has definetely had an impact on me as I find myself paranoid about Cameron overheating and I do think it is as a result of him being poorly. I know all new mums worry but I feel this is something more. I know he would cry if he got too hot or uncomfortable but I am constantly checking him! I tried to talk to my husband about it today but I don't think he understands. To be honest it's part of the reason that I wanted to write this journal, so that I can express my feelings and let it all out. He has his jabs next week and I am just dreading it as I know he is going to be upset and grizzly and that he may get a temperature. I don't have a thermometer to check it but to be honest that is probably a good thing as I would become even more obsessed than I am. In every other way I am so chilled about being a mum now and I don't worry about anything else, it's just this overheating thing! I know over time the raw feelings I have about that week will fade and although I will never forget it, it will not be so hard to deal with. I know that in comparison to some other mum's I have had it easy even with Cam being poorly, but even with that knowledge it doesn't make it any easier.
Anyway, enough of the down in the dumps woe is me posts (feel better for getting it down though) and time for more pictures of my gorgeous lil man...
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you did so good! Did you wake up at least rested?
m
