poppypd
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Warning..... this is an absolute blow by blow account that is LONG!!! It's not scary at all however! (Well I don't think it is) I wrote it for myself to look back on mainly.
Well Monday I had a few niggles and a crampy feeling under my bump, noticed it more prominently when I stood up, I did spend quite a lot of time sitting down and do wonder on reflection if I should have walked around more in the day to speed it up? Who knows? We had some food in the evening, I had a lasagne, I wasnt quite feeling myself and did say to Chris, I dont feel quite right but was still convinced I wouldnt be lucky enough to be a week early! After a little further sit on sofa, I took myself to bed, I did say just in case I need to get as much sleep as possible. I laid awake for a while and there were a few more cramps coming and going. When Chris came to bed I told him they are building and then disappearing and I started to use my iphone timer, think there were a few 1/2 hour apart, but they were lasting about a min right off the bat! I started the hypnobreathing techniques. in through the nose and out through the mouth and listened to the recording on my ipod. The surges came on quite fast and got to their peak within a few seconds and then after a short while it started to fade away.
I let Chris sleep through a few and I was managing them on my own but needed complete focus on the breathing. After maybe an hour I woke him up telling him yes ive had quite a few and I needed a hot water bottle on my back as it was aching. He went off to do that, after this the time sort of dragged on, they came and went. As they got stronger I did feel a bit sick, and I had to go to the toilet it was quite runny, not total D but getting close to it, it was difficult as the contraction came on straight after going and had to lean over the bath for it. Tried lots of different positions, on a pillow on my knees by the bed, leaning on bed but this made me feel sick at times - think it was the intensity of the contractions if anything, think it took a while to get used to them.
Was on my side on the bed for quite a while, until it felt quite uncomfortable as in she was moving down and I wasnt sure if side on was letting her come down properly.
On my knees on the bed was quite good too.
The focus on the breathing took on a new direction, early on I had to keep reminding myself to breathe in through the nose - quite a long one, as in through the mouth really didnt work for me. I then let it out on one long drone sound, I didnt plan it, it just came naturally. While doing each breath in/drone out I imagined starting on a number and on each breathe I lowered the number by 1. After 4 numbers at quite a strong intensity I noticed the surge was getting less and then there was a feeling of relief like it was going off! Just had to get through those first 4 almost which felt manageable. I started for some reason at 16 most times and got down to 8 sometimes to 1.
Chris got my tens machine on quite early on also and I really did find it helped, pressing the boost button on the contraction i felt just took the edge off the peak on the first wave. He was dozing a few times, and I had to shout contraction as it came on as he was timing with an iphone app, and then stop when it finished, a couple times he was asleep so I had to be quite loud!
He got dressed at maybe 2am/3am and started to get things in the car, so he had something to do in between my contractions, he also was timing the contractions and keeping an eye on them. They were coming at 5/6/7 minute intervals for quite a while all lasting about 1 minute. He phoned the hospital at some point but they were pretty adament about the 5 min rule and no point in coming in. The hours didnt exactly fly by in the dark although looking back they went faster than expected. It was made harder because I had no sleep I was feeling quite exhausted at times.
I did try to be sick over the toilet as I felt it might help but nothing came up and after this the feeling seemed to go away. It wasnt a horrible terrible sick feeling and it didnt bother me very much (I do have a bit of an issue with being sick in normal life!), the rest of it was far more intense. If I had been sick it wouldnt have been a big deal either. I burped quite a lot quite often at the end of a contraction.
As the light came up I found a renewed sense of energy. I remember looking down at my phone on my hands and knees on the bed and seeing the time as 8.56am and saying in 4 minutes the phone is going to remind me that im 39 weeks pregnant today.
Chris called a second time to hospital who said the same he told them contraction were varying from 4min - to 5 and 5 and half I thought dont tell them the 5 and half!!! They still said to wait. I felt a bit disheartened as I thought id have preferred to make the car trip in the dark as roads would be clearer, I also said, theyll be lots of people there watching me have contractions as we arrive, I feel panicky about silly things like this.
My first little emotional outburst was when my mum called, she didnt know I was in labour and Chris told her, I didnt want to talk as I was focusing on contractions, but I heard the conversation. It then hit me that I was going to be a mummy and knew my mum would be excited and I felt the tears coming. Had to keep it together as I knew I couldnt lose focus - hence a new phrase keep it together, keep it together that I recited when I needed to focus.
As the time wore on and the contractions were getting slightly closer, I started to feel worried about what if Im only 2-3 cms after all this effort and I wouldnt be able to do it, I told Chris I might need to have pain relief if this goes on for too much longer. About 10am I asked him to call up the local midwifery number to see if anyone would come out to see me, bearing in mind also i didnt know for sure if baby was engaged, right way round etc due to my excess fluid! My waters hadnt gone so the hospital hadnt wanted to know. The local team said they would send someone, so I waited on the bed contracting etc.. focusing all the time, same pattern! When they arrived there were two ladies and they asked a few simple questions, they let me have a contraction when I needed it and commented on how well I was breathing. They asked if I would like an exam to see how I was progressing, I said yes, they performed this in between contractions, it didnt take too long and wasnt that uncomfortable. She said the magic words, you are about 6 cms, you have done so well to get that far at home!! She phoned the delivery suite and told them I would be coming in, it was nice to have the decision made for us.
We got ourselves sorted and headed to the car, I told Chris to get some pillows in the back so I could lean diagonally, I didnt want to have contraction sitting upright. This is where the hypno birthing voice came into my head
however you get to the place where you are to give birth you are more calm and relaxed than before I heard these words over and over again in my head from no where and felt myself relax, and the journey was totally uneventful and calm, I had 4 contractions during the 18 min journey. When we arrived, Chris parked outside the doors and we walked into lobby, the electric doors opened and I felt a contraction coming on, I stood up against Chris and lent onto him and just did my breathing as usual I didnt care at all who might have walked past me.
Went up in the lift, they let us into the delivery suite and i went straight into the room that i was in before at 31 weeks early labour scare! I had a few contractions leaning over bed, they asked me a few questions about my birth plan, I asked them to keep noise to minimum during contractions as I was doing hypnobreathing. I got onto the bed, had some contractions leaning on my left side, she then examined me and said I was 8 cm which was great progress. Head was there, turned a little to the side but all in the correct place. My waters hadnt gone and they wanted to just let nature take its course not pop them for me which I had expected at this point. I felt quite tired so didnt really want to be up and about, the mobility during labour seemed to be out for me, the times in between contractions were needed to regain strength. They had a monitor on me at all times because of the excess fluid but I hardly noticed it being put on let alone being on the whole time. I started to feel some pressure building very much in the bum area during the contractions and thought is this the urge to push, it was unusual and it felt different to just a normal contraction. They offered me the gas and air and I tried it once lying on my left side but I found it put me off my breathing as it was new addition I wasnt used to so I said no at that time.
The two midwives were called Katie and she had student Melissa with her but she wasnt a young young student - she was very pleasant looking - friendly and caring. Katie told me I was doing really well to be 8 cms and that it shouldnt be that long.
The two girls went off for a half hour lunch break and another lady came in to take over, I did wonder if theyd be back in time but they obviously knew more than me. The other lady didnt do much but sit and watch me go through the contractions. I did have sips of drink in between of ribena and water c/o Chris who was on my left side, (definitely handy to have your own straws ladies!) they also got me some ice in a cup and a flannel for my head. It was hot work. I remember seeing the clock up to the right on the wall but I cant remember much about the time although I thought to myself Im doing well as I only got here at 1 and they guessed her being here at 3pm.
I might have said theyre getting stronger now and the new lady did suggest I try gas and air, I said I wasnt sure but asked for some help on how to breathe through it. She said to breathe in like I was doing and it should take the edge of the peak of the contraction. On the next few I tried it and yes it was helping. She said at one point if youre not sure if its helping try the next without and I instantly said No, its alright Ill keep it! The pushing feeling in the bottom can personally be described as the feeling before you need the no 2 toilet but like youve waited quite a long time to go and it might wanna come out by itself, but it feels like the poo is ginormous on relation to normal.
I remember a time with the contractions where I started to breathe the baby down in my mind. I could sense that she was coming down the birth canal and when I was on my out breathe drone which I kept up throughout, (gas and air on the in breathe through the mouth not the nose any more) I imagined I was droning her down and out and even my left hand was doing a motion over my tummy going down my body, not sure why I did this, but it helped me visualise her coming down.
There was lots of encouragemnt, the midwives who then returned were being very positive telling how well I was doing, that babys heart rate was absolutely solid and very happy. I put this down to the breathing I was doing, the book said something about not panicking yourslef helps the baby be calm.
Then came some contractions which I felt the pushing sensation, it felt absolutely 100% in my bottom, although I knew very clearly that baby wasnt coming out of there and I didnt give two hoots if I pooed so anyone worried about his,honestly dont be - dont even think about it! I might have done? I might not have done?, They did say oh there a bit of show here, lets clear this mat away and put a fresh one, this might have been their polite way of discarding of sneaky poo. Again I cant reiterate enough that I didnt care.
So on to the pushing section. They knew I was getting to the pushing part because my drones sounded more intense and higher in tone as the pushing feeling took over. They said that sounds like a pushing sound. they didnt look between my legs all that much, they just sat back and watched me quietly. This is the part that I thought might be over quicker than it actually was. For some naive reason I thought id get her head out in a couple of pushes. The pushing sensation got more intense and I really kept going for as long as the contraction let me, I didnt want to push at all when it was dying off, it felt unnatural and I was happy to wait for the next one to try again. There was a definite sensation change when the head was crowing, a real burning feeling. I was so keen for that to be it, but they said we saw a bit of her head then and I thought and said A bit!!! So the next several contractions went like this, the burning feeling getting stronger and them saying yes yes yes youre doing really well and we can see the head, in the noise I was making with my droning and having the gas and air tube on my mouth the midwives voices werent that clear and I kept thinking they were saying the heads out! - They werent!
Im not sure if I was feeling so much pressure in my bum because my waters still hadnt gone and it felt like I was pushing out a balloon at times. When the babies head was coming out they did finally pop my waters and the relief was fantastic, so maybe with waters had gone before it might have been easier and quicker?
They also poured cool water over me when baby was crowning - this was also very nice because in between contraction you can feel very stretched down there!
So she told I was doing brilliantly breathing her out and I was gently stretching myself which was better all round for me down below.
In the whole labour I hadnt wanted Chris to touch me at all, as it distracted me. But towards the end I did hold his hand ( in an arm wrestle type grasp), not sure if I squeezed hard or not. The worst thing I said was oh my goodness after a contraction which made them laugh, I never knew I was so polite!!
They asked to put me in stirrups to help open the cervix and help me push her out as I could grab the back of my legs. They said as it was clearly getting closer to watch her when she said to pant and try not push, I kept my eyes firmly on my midwife, and did just this, there was a really strong pushing feeling and she said to keep pushing as much I could even if contraction was dying away. The next part all happened very suddenly as they say! There was the instruction to pant and then they told me to give tiny pushes, and then big push and all I can say was slither, total slithering sensation and before I knew it baby was there on my chest and I was in total shock. I had no tears which I had completely expected but no just total shock that here she was at long last. My little baby. Her eyes were open she gave a bit of a cry but nothing over the top, she seemed very content moments after to be there, looking around with a glassy stare. I looked up at Chris and proabably said something like its our baby. He had a big grin on his face Writing this now makes me want to cry so it;s very strange that I didnt but there are so many physical emotions I guess in your body, mine wasnt able to feel that just yet! I felt like I had run a marathon but the overwhelming feeling of bliss was there also. I had done it, it was over and she was here and she looked healthy.
After the placenta had stopped pulsing, chris did the honors and cut her cord and I said something like, youre not attached to me anymore little girl
The placenta I chose to have injection in the end as didnt want to drag it out any longer and literally after about 10 seconds the midwife said I think its just here anyway and I felt a little slither and out it popped.
After this they left her on my chest for quite a while as they told me that she had come out with her right hand on her face, which had caught me on the way out and caused a small labial tear and a 2nd degree tear in bottom where it joins I guess. I could feel this, there was a general stinging sensation but not anything I couldnt handle. I was still in stirrups and they had no intention on bringing me down from then because of needing stitches. The labial one would heal on its own but the other tear would need some. They asked if Dad would like some skin to skin and off came that t shirt in a flash and he took her and sat with her in his arms over to my left, it was so lovely to watch him with his little girl, He was just staring at her in awe. He asked about her not making much nosie and the girls just said shes a very happy baby, she was very content all the way out. They put this down to my breathing and this is what the hypno practise does say, getting lots of oxygen down to your baby with those deep inbreaths!
The stitches took a fair while, longer than I would have hoped for as wanted to get some more baby time, but it was nice for chris to have this special time with her. I knew I would get lots in the future. So I was injected and sewn up, I didnt really enjoy this but then who would I guess. Midwife said she was proud of her work and it would bring it all back together nicely !
After the birth and the stitches they put my legs down from the stirrups and I just felt all jelly like, I knew I wouldnt be able to stand up at all. lack of food, sleep and all that immense effort and I was totally spent, Shed pood on chris arm a bit and then shortly after pood on the midwife! I had to sit and watch all the goings on from the bed, babys had her first nappy change by Chris which I filmed, she was put under the warmer in the corner so not very near for me to see. I did have some feelings of I cant get out of bed to see her, im a rubbish mummy and chris must think I just cant be bothered. I felt a bit of a disappointment
Hour later I still couldnt get out of bed or even sit up, I had a few sweets to give me some sugar they got us some toast to eat also, my throat was so sore when I ate the toast, from the gas and air and the grunting droning noises I guess.
I couldnt even get up to go to the toilet and had to go on a bed pan, the midwives helped give me a clean on the bed too I felt that weak.
When it was time to get out of bed and into a chair, to go down to the ward for the rest of the day/night, they offered for me to hold baby Gwen as we had now named her. I was quite apprehensive as I felt weak, and initially I was a mess and couldnt make a decision. They pretty much enforced it on me and im very glad they did. They put her in my arms and that was it, the flood gates opened full on!!!! Every possible good emotion under the sun hit me all at once but I was so happy!!! After keeping it together for so long finally I had some emotional release. I sobbed and sobbed like a baby! (pardon the pun)
When we got to the ward It was cooler than the delivery suite and I felt a lot better.
That night when Chris had to go home, I was in a ward with 4 other beds, everyone had their curtains drawn around their beds so you had privacy but there were so many noises going on. I was still struggling to walk upright, everything felt so odd, like my balance was now totally different. I couldnt really sit upright either as it hurt a lot down below, my best description to Chris was it feels like theres a big hole where my bum used to be - although I knew there wasnt! I hadnt planned for feeling so different afterwards and wish that someone had warned me. It was very hard to sleep on the ward as there were phones going off in the distance, other babies crying during the night. I wasnt really sure what I had to do with baby as havent had much experience with them in the past. They did help me with the breast feeding, they were very helpful. It was very hands off, they just said if she cries try feeding her, change her nappy, wind her. In the night a nurse came and woke us both up about 4am and got her out for me to feed her. She didnt take much but guess there isnt much anyway. I changed her bum and it was a thick brown sticky poo, it was hard trying to do this as quietly as possible and not being very mobile still.
We came out the following evening at 8pm ish, it took forever for them to get round to discharging us but I guess I was getting used to breast feeding and was grateful to being fed regularly by the staff. First night at home was fine, she slept well, a bit grizzly at times.
Its now 2 weeks+ on and since we have had her home she has been generally a very good and contented baby. Im trying to sleep and have naps during the day, yesterday i didnt for the first time and boy I really noticed the difference. I have had to have some antibiotics for the stitches as they were feeling very sore after 2 weeks, more than they had been and nurse at doctors said they were bit infected and that it happens a lot!
Finally my advice for all you waiting to have your babies.
They are absolutely amazing! Gorgeous, beautiful little people, you have a treat in store.
Be strong, remember you can do this, whatever happens in your labour you will feel proud of yourself after it all.
I totally recommend hypnobirthing by maggie howell, I would use it again in an instant, having it as my focus I didnt feel the fear at all.
According to hypno book - The 6cm-8cm part is where you have the self doubt. This is where I started to feel it when I was still at home, so if you are feeling that remember that you are probably well on your way to being fully dilated, I was. Trust in your instincts and get a second opinion if necessary like I did.
Well done if you read this immense essay!!!
Pictures attached - Re professional one - my sister is a photographer (lucky me) so she rushed down and we had a photo shoot the day we got home!
Well Monday I had a few niggles and a crampy feeling under my bump, noticed it more prominently when I stood up, I did spend quite a lot of time sitting down and do wonder on reflection if I should have walked around more in the day to speed it up? Who knows? We had some food in the evening, I had a lasagne, I wasnt quite feeling myself and did say to Chris, I dont feel quite right but was still convinced I wouldnt be lucky enough to be a week early! After a little further sit on sofa, I took myself to bed, I did say just in case I need to get as much sleep as possible. I laid awake for a while and there were a few more cramps coming and going. When Chris came to bed I told him they are building and then disappearing and I started to use my iphone timer, think there were a few 1/2 hour apart, but they were lasting about a min right off the bat! I started the hypnobreathing techniques. in through the nose and out through the mouth and listened to the recording on my ipod. The surges came on quite fast and got to their peak within a few seconds and then after a short while it started to fade away.
I let Chris sleep through a few and I was managing them on my own but needed complete focus on the breathing. After maybe an hour I woke him up telling him yes ive had quite a few and I needed a hot water bottle on my back as it was aching. He went off to do that, after this the time sort of dragged on, they came and went. As they got stronger I did feel a bit sick, and I had to go to the toilet it was quite runny, not total D but getting close to it, it was difficult as the contraction came on straight after going and had to lean over the bath for it. Tried lots of different positions, on a pillow on my knees by the bed, leaning on bed but this made me feel sick at times - think it was the intensity of the contractions if anything, think it took a while to get used to them.
Was on my side on the bed for quite a while, until it felt quite uncomfortable as in she was moving down and I wasnt sure if side on was letting her come down properly.
On my knees on the bed was quite good too.
The focus on the breathing took on a new direction, early on I had to keep reminding myself to breathe in through the nose - quite a long one, as in through the mouth really didnt work for me. I then let it out on one long drone sound, I didnt plan it, it just came naturally. While doing each breath in/drone out I imagined starting on a number and on each breathe I lowered the number by 1. After 4 numbers at quite a strong intensity I noticed the surge was getting less and then there was a feeling of relief like it was going off! Just had to get through those first 4 almost which felt manageable. I started for some reason at 16 most times and got down to 8 sometimes to 1.
Chris got my tens machine on quite early on also and I really did find it helped, pressing the boost button on the contraction i felt just took the edge off the peak on the first wave. He was dozing a few times, and I had to shout contraction as it came on as he was timing with an iphone app, and then stop when it finished, a couple times he was asleep so I had to be quite loud!
He got dressed at maybe 2am/3am and started to get things in the car, so he had something to do in between my contractions, he also was timing the contractions and keeping an eye on them. They were coming at 5/6/7 minute intervals for quite a while all lasting about 1 minute. He phoned the hospital at some point but they were pretty adament about the 5 min rule and no point in coming in. The hours didnt exactly fly by in the dark although looking back they went faster than expected. It was made harder because I had no sleep I was feeling quite exhausted at times.
I did try to be sick over the toilet as I felt it might help but nothing came up and after this the feeling seemed to go away. It wasnt a horrible terrible sick feeling and it didnt bother me very much (I do have a bit of an issue with being sick in normal life!), the rest of it was far more intense. If I had been sick it wouldnt have been a big deal either. I burped quite a lot quite often at the end of a contraction.
As the light came up I found a renewed sense of energy. I remember looking down at my phone on my hands and knees on the bed and seeing the time as 8.56am and saying in 4 minutes the phone is going to remind me that im 39 weeks pregnant today.
Chris called a second time to hospital who said the same he told them contraction were varying from 4min - to 5 and 5 and half I thought dont tell them the 5 and half!!! They still said to wait. I felt a bit disheartened as I thought id have preferred to make the car trip in the dark as roads would be clearer, I also said, theyll be lots of people there watching me have contractions as we arrive, I feel panicky about silly things like this.
My first little emotional outburst was when my mum called, she didnt know I was in labour and Chris told her, I didnt want to talk as I was focusing on contractions, but I heard the conversation. It then hit me that I was going to be a mummy and knew my mum would be excited and I felt the tears coming. Had to keep it together as I knew I couldnt lose focus - hence a new phrase keep it together, keep it together that I recited when I needed to focus.
As the time wore on and the contractions were getting slightly closer, I started to feel worried about what if Im only 2-3 cms after all this effort and I wouldnt be able to do it, I told Chris I might need to have pain relief if this goes on for too much longer. About 10am I asked him to call up the local midwifery number to see if anyone would come out to see me, bearing in mind also i didnt know for sure if baby was engaged, right way round etc due to my excess fluid! My waters hadnt gone so the hospital hadnt wanted to know. The local team said they would send someone, so I waited on the bed contracting etc.. focusing all the time, same pattern! When they arrived there were two ladies and they asked a few simple questions, they let me have a contraction when I needed it and commented on how well I was breathing. They asked if I would like an exam to see how I was progressing, I said yes, they performed this in between contractions, it didnt take too long and wasnt that uncomfortable. She said the magic words, you are about 6 cms, you have done so well to get that far at home!! She phoned the delivery suite and told them I would be coming in, it was nice to have the decision made for us.
We got ourselves sorted and headed to the car, I told Chris to get some pillows in the back so I could lean diagonally, I didnt want to have contraction sitting upright. This is where the hypno birthing voice came into my head
however you get to the place where you are to give birth you are more calm and relaxed than before I heard these words over and over again in my head from no where and felt myself relax, and the journey was totally uneventful and calm, I had 4 contractions during the 18 min journey. When we arrived, Chris parked outside the doors and we walked into lobby, the electric doors opened and I felt a contraction coming on, I stood up against Chris and lent onto him and just did my breathing as usual I didnt care at all who might have walked past me.
Went up in the lift, they let us into the delivery suite and i went straight into the room that i was in before at 31 weeks early labour scare! I had a few contractions leaning over bed, they asked me a few questions about my birth plan, I asked them to keep noise to minimum during contractions as I was doing hypnobreathing. I got onto the bed, had some contractions leaning on my left side, she then examined me and said I was 8 cm which was great progress. Head was there, turned a little to the side but all in the correct place. My waters hadnt gone and they wanted to just let nature take its course not pop them for me which I had expected at this point. I felt quite tired so didnt really want to be up and about, the mobility during labour seemed to be out for me, the times in between contractions were needed to regain strength. They had a monitor on me at all times because of the excess fluid but I hardly noticed it being put on let alone being on the whole time. I started to feel some pressure building very much in the bum area during the contractions and thought is this the urge to push, it was unusual and it felt different to just a normal contraction. They offered me the gas and air and I tried it once lying on my left side but I found it put me off my breathing as it was new addition I wasnt used to so I said no at that time.
The two midwives were called Katie and she had student Melissa with her but she wasnt a young young student - she was very pleasant looking - friendly and caring. Katie told me I was doing really well to be 8 cms and that it shouldnt be that long.
The two girls went off for a half hour lunch break and another lady came in to take over, I did wonder if theyd be back in time but they obviously knew more than me. The other lady didnt do much but sit and watch me go through the contractions. I did have sips of drink in between of ribena and water c/o Chris who was on my left side, (definitely handy to have your own straws ladies!) they also got me some ice in a cup and a flannel for my head. It was hot work. I remember seeing the clock up to the right on the wall but I cant remember much about the time although I thought to myself Im doing well as I only got here at 1 and they guessed her being here at 3pm.
I might have said theyre getting stronger now and the new lady did suggest I try gas and air, I said I wasnt sure but asked for some help on how to breathe through it. She said to breathe in like I was doing and it should take the edge of the peak of the contraction. On the next few I tried it and yes it was helping. She said at one point if youre not sure if its helping try the next without and I instantly said No, its alright Ill keep it! The pushing feeling in the bottom can personally be described as the feeling before you need the no 2 toilet but like youve waited quite a long time to go and it might wanna come out by itself, but it feels like the poo is ginormous on relation to normal.
I remember a time with the contractions where I started to breathe the baby down in my mind. I could sense that she was coming down the birth canal and when I was on my out breathe drone which I kept up throughout, (gas and air on the in breathe through the mouth not the nose any more) I imagined I was droning her down and out and even my left hand was doing a motion over my tummy going down my body, not sure why I did this, but it helped me visualise her coming down.
There was lots of encouragemnt, the midwives who then returned were being very positive telling how well I was doing, that babys heart rate was absolutely solid and very happy. I put this down to the breathing I was doing, the book said something about not panicking yourslef helps the baby be calm.
Then came some contractions which I felt the pushing sensation, it felt absolutely 100% in my bottom, although I knew very clearly that baby wasnt coming out of there and I didnt give two hoots if I pooed so anyone worried about his,honestly dont be - dont even think about it! I might have done? I might not have done?, They did say oh there a bit of show here, lets clear this mat away and put a fresh one, this might have been their polite way of discarding of sneaky poo. Again I cant reiterate enough that I didnt care.
So on to the pushing section. They knew I was getting to the pushing part because my drones sounded more intense and higher in tone as the pushing feeling took over. They said that sounds like a pushing sound. they didnt look between my legs all that much, they just sat back and watched me quietly. This is the part that I thought might be over quicker than it actually was. For some naive reason I thought id get her head out in a couple of pushes. The pushing sensation got more intense and I really kept going for as long as the contraction let me, I didnt want to push at all when it was dying off, it felt unnatural and I was happy to wait for the next one to try again. There was a definite sensation change when the head was crowing, a real burning feeling. I was so keen for that to be it, but they said we saw a bit of her head then and I thought and said A bit!!! So the next several contractions went like this, the burning feeling getting stronger and them saying yes yes yes youre doing really well and we can see the head, in the noise I was making with my droning and having the gas and air tube on my mouth the midwives voices werent that clear and I kept thinking they were saying the heads out! - They werent!
Im not sure if I was feeling so much pressure in my bum because my waters still hadnt gone and it felt like I was pushing out a balloon at times. When the babies head was coming out they did finally pop my waters and the relief was fantastic, so maybe with waters had gone before it might have been easier and quicker?
They also poured cool water over me when baby was crowning - this was also very nice because in between contraction you can feel very stretched down there!
So she told I was doing brilliantly breathing her out and I was gently stretching myself which was better all round for me down below.
In the whole labour I hadnt wanted Chris to touch me at all, as it distracted me. But towards the end I did hold his hand ( in an arm wrestle type grasp), not sure if I squeezed hard or not. The worst thing I said was oh my goodness after a contraction which made them laugh, I never knew I was so polite!!
They asked to put me in stirrups to help open the cervix and help me push her out as I could grab the back of my legs. They said as it was clearly getting closer to watch her when she said to pant and try not push, I kept my eyes firmly on my midwife, and did just this, there was a really strong pushing feeling and she said to keep pushing as much I could even if contraction was dying away. The next part all happened very suddenly as they say! There was the instruction to pant and then they told me to give tiny pushes, and then big push and all I can say was slither, total slithering sensation and before I knew it baby was there on my chest and I was in total shock. I had no tears which I had completely expected but no just total shock that here she was at long last. My little baby. Her eyes were open she gave a bit of a cry but nothing over the top, she seemed very content moments after to be there, looking around with a glassy stare. I looked up at Chris and proabably said something like its our baby. He had a big grin on his face Writing this now makes me want to cry so it;s very strange that I didnt but there are so many physical emotions I guess in your body, mine wasnt able to feel that just yet! I felt like I had run a marathon but the overwhelming feeling of bliss was there also. I had done it, it was over and she was here and she looked healthy.
After the placenta had stopped pulsing, chris did the honors and cut her cord and I said something like, youre not attached to me anymore little girl
The placenta I chose to have injection in the end as didnt want to drag it out any longer and literally after about 10 seconds the midwife said I think its just here anyway and I felt a little slither and out it popped.
After this they left her on my chest for quite a while as they told me that she had come out with her right hand on her face, which had caught me on the way out and caused a small labial tear and a 2nd degree tear in bottom where it joins I guess. I could feel this, there was a general stinging sensation but not anything I couldnt handle. I was still in stirrups and they had no intention on bringing me down from then because of needing stitches. The labial one would heal on its own but the other tear would need some. They asked if Dad would like some skin to skin and off came that t shirt in a flash and he took her and sat with her in his arms over to my left, it was so lovely to watch him with his little girl, He was just staring at her in awe. He asked about her not making much nosie and the girls just said shes a very happy baby, she was very content all the way out. They put this down to my breathing and this is what the hypno practise does say, getting lots of oxygen down to your baby with those deep inbreaths!
The stitches took a fair while, longer than I would have hoped for as wanted to get some more baby time, but it was nice for chris to have this special time with her. I knew I would get lots in the future. So I was injected and sewn up, I didnt really enjoy this but then who would I guess. Midwife said she was proud of her work and it would bring it all back together nicely !
After the birth and the stitches they put my legs down from the stirrups and I just felt all jelly like, I knew I wouldnt be able to stand up at all. lack of food, sleep and all that immense effort and I was totally spent, Shed pood on chris arm a bit and then shortly after pood on the midwife! I had to sit and watch all the goings on from the bed, babys had her first nappy change by Chris which I filmed, she was put under the warmer in the corner so not very near for me to see. I did have some feelings of I cant get out of bed to see her, im a rubbish mummy and chris must think I just cant be bothered. I felt a bit of a disappointment
Hour later I still couldnt get out of bed or even sit up, I had a few sweets to give me some sugar they got us some toast to eat also, my throat was so sore when I ate the toast, from the gas and air and the grunting droning noises I guess.
I couldnt even get up to go to the toilet and had to go on a bed pan, the midwives helped give me a clean on the bed too I felt that weak.
When it was time to get out of bed and into a chair, to go down to the ward for the rest of the day/night, they offered for me to hold baby Gwen as we had now named her. I was quite apprehensive as I felt weak, and initially I was a mess and couldnt make a decision. They pretty much enforced it on me and im very glad they did. They put her in my arms and that was it, the flood gates opened full on!!!! Every possible good emotion under the sun hit me all at once but I was so happy!!! After keeping it together for so long finally I had some emotional release. I sobbed and sobbed like a baby! (pardon the pun)
When we got to the ward It was cooler than the delivery suite and I felt a lot better.
That night when Chris had to go home, I was in a ward with 4 other beds, everyone had their curtains drawn around their beds so you had privacy but there were so many noises going on. I was still struggling to walk upright, everything felt so odd, like my balance was now totally different. I couldnt really sit upright either as it hurt a lot down below, my best description to Chris was it feels like theres a big hole where my bum used to be - although I knew there wasnt! I hadnt planned for feeling so different afterwards and wish that someone had warned me. It was very hard to sleep on the ward as there were phones going off in the distance, other babies crying during the night. I wasnt really sure what I had to do with baby as havent had much experience with them in the past. They did help me with the breast feeding, they were very helpful. It was very hands off, they just said if she cries try feeding her, change her nappy, wind her. In the night a nurse came and woke us both up about 4am and got her out for me to feed her. She didnt take much but guess there isnt much anyway. I changed her bum and it was a thick brown sticky poo, it was hard trying to do this as quietly as possible and not being very mobile still.
We came out the following evening at 8pm ish, it took forever for them to get round to discharging us but I guess I was getting used to breast feeding and was grateful to being fed regularly by the staff. First night at home was fine, she slept well, a bit grizzly at times.
Its now 2 weeks+ on and since we have had her home she has been generally a very good and contented baby. Im trying to sleep and have naps during the day, yesterday i didnt for the first time and boy I really noticed the difference. I have had to have some antibiotics for the stitches as they were feeling very sore after 2 weeks, more than they had been and nurse at doctors said they were bit infected and that it happens a lot!
Finally my advice for all you waiting to have your babies.
They are absolutely amazing! Gorgeous, beautiful little people, you have a treat in store.
Be strong, remember you can do this, whatever happens in your labour you will feel proud of yourself after it all.
I totally recommend hypnobirthing by maggie howell, I would use it again in an instant, having it as my focus I didnt feel the fear at all.
According to hypno book - The 6cm-8cm part is where you have the self doubt. This is where I started to feel it when I was still at home, so if you are feeling that remember that you are probably well on your way to being fully dilated, I was. Trust in your instincts and get a second opinion if necessary like I did.
Well done if you read this immense essay!!!
Pictures attached - Re professional one - my sister is a photographer (lucky me) so she rushed down and we had a photo shoot the day we got home!
