Mums with one already and TTC no 2

[bizzygirl101]

Hi

We are TTC number two, and dont get me wrong i am so excited about being pregnant again and breastfeeding agatin etc.. i had a great pregnancy and birth etc and have wanted another for ages. Now its really happening i cant stop feeling anxious, mainly about my little boy! I feel guilty, how is he going to feel, and like im letting him down etc.. also i barley get everything done in my life at the moment, so hoe am i going to cope with 2 babies. The thing is im an only child, and I hate it, so i really want him to have a brother or sister, my OH cant understand it and says it will be good for him as i mollycoddle him! I dont, but Im his mummy and i think they should be mollycoddled a bit when they are babies. Has anyone else felt like this? Was it ok in the end!!

Thanks

 

[Melly+2]

I f you feel you are ready then go for it, my mum says the small age gap between me and my sis was perfect and im hoping shes right as there will be 2.5 year gap between my two. I have had all the anxiety, will i cope, will Hope be ok but at the end of the day it feels right deep down and thats why i chose to have another, good luck

 

[valentine]

I think that this is a perfectly natural way to feel from what I hear. All my Mummy friends talk about this, but other Mummy friends who have 2 babies say that as soon as number 2 is born, your love is split, its so clever.

As for whether its the right thing to do or not, only you can answer that. I agree that its good for children to have siblings. Personally I would like 4 children as I'm not very close to my brother and have always been sooo jealous of big families.

Good luck with TTC!

Valentine Xxx

 

[Minxy]

I don't worry about Stanley so much as us!

He's a demon child at the mo; not sleeping, paddy throwing and wants attention ALL THE TIME. I sometimes wonder what the hell we're playing at wanting another, I can't cope with the one I've got.

 

[bizzygirl101]

I know, thats also bothering me, how will he be when the baby comes, he is more and more of a challenge at the moment, but i do thinks its time to start trying, i feel ready, also, and i dont want to be pessimistic, but it may take a while or i may miscarry,

The goosd thing is my OH is really good and involved with him now, he was all along, but he really isnt into babies and as i was breastfeeding i think he felt a little left out. Alexander was a suprise, and i was more up for it than him, whereas now its him going on about having another baby! I should be really happy but i look at my little boy and feel sooooo guilty!

 

[claire2711]

i sympathise!!! Riley is only 5 weeks and I have already been thinking about this!! I'd say if it's what you want, and theres a nice wee age gap, then go for it!

 

[Bagpuss17]

I think what you are feeling regarding feeling guilty towards your first child for wanting to have another is perfectly normal.

I was the same as you, I felt ready to have another child but did have moments and still do where I have pangs of guilt towards my first child. I almost feel like I will be betraying him by having another baby, which is silly really. He's really interested in baby and I would hate him to miss out on having siblings.

It's also another reason why I didn't want a big age gap, I'm sure as time goes on the feeling of betrayal and guilt must get worse as the first child is much more used to being the centre of your world.

Good luck with TTC no.2

 

[maybebaby]

I had huge feelings of guilt all the while I was TTC and even now throughout the pregnancy. I feel guilty about not being able to give Austin 100% of my attention, then I feel guilty because this baby will never have me all to themself. I feel guilty because I love this baby so much already and don't want Austin to miss out.

On the other hand I know I'd feel so much more guilty making Austin an only child, I loved growing up close in age with my brother & sister, so I know in the long run it's exactly what I want.

So yes, it's completely normal to feel like that

 

[Mik]

My eldest was 2 yrs 8 months when my second was born and he was ok with his brother from the get go but he was not impressed with me at all lol. It took him a couple of weeks to come to terms with it all and it wasn't helped by the fact hubby was away with the army so he didn't even have any 100% daddy attention either. But like I said it lasted a couple of weeks and my boys quickly became very close and still are. My third was born when eldest was 4 yrs 4 months and second son was 1 year 8 months. That was harder having 2 in nappies etc but we had not further jealousy problems at all.
With this one I am panicking cos my youngest is the only girl she will be nearly 5 when baby comes along and has had a long time being used to being the baby of the family but you have to take it as it comes.

So what I am trying to say in a very long rambling way is that Alexander will be fine it is normal to feel all these concerns and worries but whether he jumps right in and adores his sibling from the get go or whether he is jealous and moody at first as long as he still gets attention he will get used to having a new baby and eventually be a doting big brother.

 

[Redshoes]

I just wanted to say that when we decided to try for Ophelia, people often said we were either mad or that we shouldn't because it wasn't fair on Isaac. Personally I feel there'll never be a perfect time for anything in life, especially the responsibility of a child, so listen to no-one but yourself because ultimately it's you having and caring and loving this child, no-one else will ever give them the unconditional love you will. Isaac adores Ophelia, and Ophelia is always turning to look at where his voice is. Isaac hugs, kisses and smells her (don't ask lol) all the time, and when I am feeding or changing her, he can get annoyed and start being loud about it, but its teaching him too, he can be loved even when Mummy's busy You cannot give the attention you could when they were an only child, but how you handle that is what makes the difference, not the fact that they now have a sibling. Very best wishes and good luck with ttc too

 

[bizzygirl101]

Just like to say thanks ladies, feel better now. oh and redshoes I think your names are lovely!

 

[Redshoes]

Thankyou bizzygirl101 Alexander is very handsome name too
Very best wishes with TTC, I do hope it happens real soon

 

[flowergirl]

Thanks for posting about this bizzygirl101- I know I would like another baby and although it is still only at some point in the future, I also have been going over the pros and cons and wanting to try for the optimum time so that Kathryn (and me!) won't find it too stressful having a new baby brother or sister in the house! From where I look at things there is no perfect time- you just have to go with whatever life hands you and you'll muddle through the tough times any way you can!

Good luck TTC I have everything crossed for you!

 

[emma10]

Im so glad for this post! i thought i was being over-protective.. i cried my eyes out when i found out i was expecting, it was a shock to say the least (a happy accident ) but mainly for the overwhelming sense of guilt i felt for my two year old daughter, my mum giggled at me and told me it's normal, but still 2 months on i still keep getting pangs of guilt.. i have to keep reminding myself that one of the reason's i am doing this is so she is not a only child.