Moaning - just because I want to!

[KirstyL]

Hi All,
What a great first post this is going to be, lol.
Is anyone else having "problems" with their OH, or is it just mine
Would it be unfair to say he's driving me mad!!
In brief, we haven't been together too long, talked about trying for a baby, decided we would do it, but it happened way faster than anticipated, I know - nobody's fault but ours. Still, things seem to have gone bad. We don't live together at the moment, baby due July this year, and all I get from him is "I will move in when I'm ready" and when I try and explain that he's 36 and it isn't just about him anymore, all I get is"Yes it is, it's my life, and I'll do it when I'm ready", does this sound unreasonable to anyone else, or just me? Am I being especially touchy? I just feel that most days I could sit down and cry. get moaned at for not being full of beans everyday and the life and soul of the party, to be ho nest it's all I can do to get up in the mornings, and I'm shattered by mid afternoon!!
Oh well, moan over, just wondered if it was just me (usually is!) lol.

 

[rachaellouise]

Aww hun
No you are not being unreasonable at all!
It sounds like he needs to grow up to be honest and realise that whether he likes it or not he is going to be a father and he needs to start showing the mother of his child some support!

 

[lea554]

Lol, you are not alone, trust me!

I think all men, however old they are, will find this whole experience strange. I have a friend, whose wife is also expecting, and I asked if men get a bit jealous, and he said, yes that he felt a bit jealous, that all the attention is going on with the mum, and not many people talk about the dad - which I can see to some point.
You are still so early on, but wait untill your first scans, and MW appts, and he will have to get used to it.
I find it has helped at my stage in giving my OH the job of decorating the nursery, and putting all the furniture up - he is doing it as I type, lol!

Give him some time, and approach it all gradually, and you will both be fine!
x

 

[KirstyL]

Aww thanks for your replies
Helped a little, I just seem to be fighting a losing battle with him at the moment.
Well I'm 11 +1 at the moment, and have already had an Early Pregnancy Scan as I was so worried (all fine thankfully), and we have seen the MW already for the first appointment, I'm even getting a bump!! So, in theory it should seem real

Have to hope he comes to realise that it isn't as scary as he probably thinks, I know he has a lot on his mind though, as all the finances will fall to him, as I won't be working for a while. Guess I need to try and be more understanding.

Thanks again
x

 

[purplehippy]

I'm sorry to hear about this.

If he is willing to start a family, which is the biggest commitment, then he should be fine with moving in. How else will you be looked after the way a preglet is supposed to be, by their other half?

Or is he thinking he now doesn't want the responsibility?

I hope for you and your baby that he grows up fast and accepts that no, it really isn't all about him. Hang in there, laydee!

 

[scaredmum2be]

He sounds selfish just like my OH he will do things in his time an when he is ready an my OH is in his 30's middle.
I know i hate it when hes like this to. It doesnt seem to get any better. lol x

 

[KirstyL]

I'm sorry to hear about this.

If he is willing to start a family, which is the biggest commitment, then he should be fine with moving in. How else will you be looked after the way a preglet is supposed to be, by their other half?

Or is he thinking he now doesn't want the responsibility?

I hope for you and your baby that he grows up fast and accepts that no, it really isn't all about him. Hang in there, laydee!

Tell me about it! We talked about having a baby, it happened a bit quicker than expected, but was still planned. Had a huge argument last night, haven't seen him for 3 days now, he says that we should go to relate and sort ourselves out, the way he talks he makes it sound like we have the worst relationship in the world and that isn't true. Admittedly all we seem to do is argue at the moment, which isn't helping. Apparantly "we have time to sort us out, then I will think about moving in", he just doesn't seem to understand how I'm feeling and all the emotions I'm having

I need him with me, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's all worth it, and whether we should just spilt, although I never wanted that to happen, I can't see any other way.

I'm fed up of the arguing, and feeling like rubbish al the time, now I have to pretend I'm happy so that he moves in?! This is all too hard.
xx

 

[KirstyL]

He sounds selfish just like my OH he will do things in his time an when he is ready an my OH is in his 30's middle.
I know i hate it when hes like this to. It doesnt seem to get any better. lol x

Oh no!! Does your other half not live with you either? Yeah mine is 36 now, I'm 31, and getting quite fed up.

Like I said, really feel like giving up and walkiing away. If he wants to be on his own that much, he can be. Currently he stays at mine 5 days a week, (I'm gonna sound like I'm moaning now!) he hasn't got a job at the min, so he stays at mine 5 days a week, doesn't contribute, which I don't mind as much, because he picks up my eldest, looks after her for me, cooks, cleans etc, so he is doing his bit, but my gripe is I can't understand why as he's there 5 days, why he can't give me the other 2?! He see's it as giving up his independance and when/if we argue once he's living there, he will be trapped, and that I'm going to stop him doing things - I wouldn't.

Just seems that we aren't very compatible Really don't know what to do, just feel like sitting here and crying half the time, blimey, these hormones really play havoc don't they!
x

 

[KirstyL]

Am so upset, I thought i'd come and vent on here - well after the not living with me until he was ready thing, he then spoke to his mum and one of his mates, and late friday afternoon, he decided that he was ready, and that he'd give notice on his place and move in with me in March - great, that's what I wanted.
But, because I didn't jump for joy when he told me, he then assumed I wasn't happy - I was, but I really wish he'd understand how much the start of being pregnant, wipes me out
Went to bed, woke up Saturday and I was making breakfast for me and my DD (he was still asleep), he came in and said wheres mine, and that I always used to make him breakfast...so I jokingly said, well you'd better get used to it - meaning that once little one gets here, I won't be having time to make anyone's breakfast.
That forgotten, I went on to hoover the stairs, think he was upstairs getting dressed etc, this is so silly, but he wanted to come down the stairs and I was half way up them, now yes I know I could have gone back down, but he said can he come past, so I said, no you'll have to wait, then he got mouthy, and stormed past me, muttering stuff about how I'm never going to change etc etc, when all I meant was crossing on stairs is back luck....

Well it was as it turned out, because when I finished the stairs and went downstairs to find him, so we could go out, he was nowhere to be found, rang him, text him, nothing. Went back upstairs and found he'd taken all of his stuff, so I assume he had left me, again, still couldn't contact him....found he'd turned his phone off in the end, so 6 hours later, I went round to his, and he was there. Wouldn't let me in at first, then finally did, but only into the corridor of the flats, just said he was unhappy, was fed up with me always being in a mood, and snapping at him, and I will never change, so he wants to be on his own, but that he'll do right by little one, but he can't be with me anymore.

I dont' know what to do I love him so much, and yes at the moment I'm not the easiest person to be around, I am fed up with my job, so I'm not in the best frame of mind when I get home, I don't talk to him a lot, but I find it hard to talk about how I feel, and I can be quite insecure, because of things that have happened in my past, I'm not using any of this as an excuse btw. I have also been shattered recently and on Thursday it is a year since I lost my dad, so I'm quite upset about that too. I just wish he could understand.

I don't want him to miss out on a minute of this baby and I've apologised but he won't reply to my texts or anything. Sorry for the long post, I'm just so upset, and don't know what to do for the best anymore. One thing I do know, and that's no matter how hard it is at the moment, is that I love him so very much and don't want anybody else ever, it's just him. Soppy I know.

xx