missing- sense of humour, sex drive & do i care enough t

[GBLiz]

i posted about this before because i got the contraceptive implant 3 weeks after I had Anjali, and my sex drive (which was high all through pregnancy plummeted) Im still not sure if its due to that or due to having recently had a baby

she sleeps well so its not that im too tired (although I am tired)

i have had a ridiculous amount of stress but to be honest ive had stress the entire past year and its not affected my sex drive before. But with the stress i had leading up to buying our business , moving house constantly, being told i could lose my mortage , over the last couple of weeks , i did get to the point where i every time a new obstacle came up I started physically shaking cos i just couldnt take any more stressors....

but now everything has come together pretty much, its not as bad as that...but i dont seem to be able to enjoy it much and my sense of humour has totally gone, im not much fun to be around right now, as well as the sex side of it

due to living circumstances and the fact that she was stuck alone 14 hours a day i gave away my cat yesterday. My cat has always been my baby who ive loved fiercely but i dont feel anything about the fact i gave her away, ijust hope she's happy.

Anjali is a really good baby and im really thankful for that, but i never had the rush of love - i know not everyone gets it so i hadnt been too concerned about it, but reading other posts i think maybe i should feel more? This sounds terrible but when i have looked at her and thought 'would i have chosen this if i'd had a choice?' i cant honestly say i would have..its just how things have turned out and now im getting on with it...Kami my OH says not a day goes by when she doesnt make him smile and feel happy but i think thats cos you come and go but i have to be attending to her ALL the time! I dont regret having her but at the same time i dont think im getting as much enjoyment as i SHOULD

hope i havent rambled too much , i dont feel depressed but when i read what ive just read it doesnt look too good, or is it understandable given ive had just about as much stress as a person could take and will i just feel myself again more when i realise the fighting for everything is over???

 

[1sttimemum]

I dont no if its normal or not but this is how im feeling when i look @ Caitlyn.

Have you spoke with your health visitor?

xxxx

 

[trixipaws]

do u mean now still or at first? when i first saw melissa i didnt think she was beautiful! i'd never seen a newborn before i think i was expecting a peachy-skin complexion and bright sparkling eyes- the beautiful face she has now- not a tiny, judst-been-squashed-thru-someones-bum-for-almost-an-hour face with bulging eyes- and i did fall in love with her but nothing like the way i do now. i hate admitting this i feel so guilty about it
but i think thats normal after just giving birth to think and/or behave strangely, if u still feel the same after 2 months i'd guess u have a touch of PND. now i was lucky i didnt get PND so i cannot offer any wisdom on it. i wish u all the best tho i hope u feel better soon

 

[Babylicious]

I didn't feel it with Paris, it came about a year later with Harry it was instant

 

[Squiglet]

I think most people mistake instant rush of love with that overwhelming instinct we feel to protect and care for the young, which is why so many people say that they loved them instantly..in a way it is love... I grew to love both my girls and that makes the bond between us strong...but I knew I didn't "love" either of them at birth...with lil miss... I thought that I should feel this rush of love.. and I expected her to look like my baby whom I loved.. so when she popped out and didn't look a thing like Tia I was like... OMG she doesn't look like my baby... ... but I got to fall in love...and sometimes, the falling in love with someone is far more enjoyable and special...you learn to love them not solely because they are child but because of who and what they are and what they do...

At the stage Anjali is... she doesn't really "do" anything for you to fall in love with... but in a couple of weeks time, she will start recognising you, wanting mummy cuddles, smiling and laughing and it will become more worth while and you will start to fall in love....

 

[GBLiz]

thanks for the replies....unfortunately i dont have a HV or dr to talk to with all the upheaval but im pretty sure if i told them all ive had to deal with in the last few months theyd say its a wonder i havent had a complete breakdown!!

to be honest i never expected the rush of love thing cos im just not like that, im a grower with emotions , like when i saw the scans it was kind of interesting but didnt make me mushy or anything.

its more the combination of how im feeling/not feeling about EVERYTHING not just the baby ...OH says he thinks i'll feel more myself when we have a home to settle in and maybe i will. ...i just wish i could have a bit more of a laugh and stop getting irritated and stuff

 

[valentine]

Hi honey,

From what I gather this is a normal way to feel. Its awful to admit, but occassionally I look at DD and feel a bit blank then other times I love her so much I could eat her. I really struggle with not having any time to myself (my OH seems to struggle with doing anything with her on his own without involving me 100%) and I really think that if I had some time away from her (just once a week or something for a few hours) then I would definitely appreciate her more.

Valentine Xxx

 

[lauramumof2]

i posted about this before because i got the contraceptive implant 3 weeks after I had Anjali, and my sex drive (which was high all through pregnancy plummeted) Im still not sure if its due to that or due to having recently had a baby
???

I got the depo and my sex drive is about 0. I am totally stressed out as well and like you said, not much fun to be around. I might try going back to the pill till dh has the snip.

 

[Becky]

Its a strange thing, love. If you compare your love for you LO to the love you have for your OH/mother/father/friend etc then maybe you can put it in perspective. I don't feel overwhelming love for my mum everytime I think of her or look at her but it doesn't mean the love is any less. I think with strong feelings like love you wouldn't be able to cope with them if you felt them at their strongest all the time.

The same way for love, you can feel annoyance and other negative emotions about your LO but that doesn't mean you don't love them. I mean I love my OH but there are times when I'm really annoyed with him or just want some space. I still love him, its just part of the complicated nature of relationships.

I think there is so much expectation that you shouldn't feel negative or less than 100% positive feelings about your relationship with your baby that its easy to feel like there's something wrong.

You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the normal range of emotions at all.

However that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be aware of PND, it is a possibility but when you do think about it, try and put it in perspective.

But most of all, don't beat yourself up about what you're feeling, no matter what that is. Emotions aren't wrong, they just are how you are feeling.

 

[clarey]

Be kind to yourself hun, it sounds like you have had a lot to adjust to and cope with. Hope you feel better soon

 

[clarey]

Just had another thought - are there any baby classes or groups you could join? I have found doing a couple of structured things with Eva each week really great, we go to 'Baby sensory' (think its a national thing, try googling it) and swimming once a week, it gives me ideas of things to do with her and also tires her out a bit for a good nap and some 'mummy-time' when we get home!

 

[KJ]

just wanted to add, about the sex drive bit. Are you breastfeeding? It's completely normal for a breastfeeding mum to lose her sex drive completely.

xx

 

[GBLiz]

hi, yes i am breastfeeding.

with the sex drive and my OH, before i had the baby i was soooo intensely in love with him i could feel it at the front of my consciousness all the time (same with my cat ) but now its like, I have to stop for a minute and look at him and remember I love him and remember to appreciate him, because he's still as great as he ever was but its like i'm a million miles away from being 'there' in my emotions if you know what i mean?

I do feel like mine and Anjali's relationship is developing, especially now she does big smiles for me, i just wish i could get some space in my head to enjoy it

 

[KJ]

before i had the baby i was soooo intensely in love with him i could feel it at the front of my consciousness all the time (same with my cat ) but now its like, I have to stop for a minute and look at him and remember I love him and remember to appreciate him, because he's still as great as he ever was but its like i'm a million miles away from being 'there' in my emotions if you know what i mean?

That could have been me saying that paragraph above! When we breastfeed, not wanting sex is nature's contraceptive. It helps us to recover after having a baby and adjust to life and get back to normal physically. I love my DH to bits. But since having Asher we've argued so much, a lot of the time I have to think 'do I still love him?', becasue the feeling is not there all the time. But now and again I get this overwhelming feeling of love for DH, and it's such a relief to know that I do still love him. I think everything you've descrived is completely normal.

Me and DH have just had some counselling sessions with our local pastor and we're getting back on track. Asher is now 9 months old, so it's taken a long time, but hang in there, it WILL get better if you work hard at it and remember that your love is not lost, it's just hidden for a while.

K.xx

 

[KJ]

my OH, before i had the baby i was soooo intensely in love with him i could feel it at the front of my consciousness all the time (same with my cat ) but now its like, I have to stop for a minute and look at him and remember I love him and remember to appreciate him, because he's still as great as he ever was but its like i'm a million miles away from being 'there' in my emotions if you know what i mean?

Think I've finally worked out how to quote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That could have been me saying that paragraph above! When we breastfeed, not wanting sex is nature's contraceptive. It helps us to recover after having a baby and adjust to life and get back to normal physically. I love my DH to bits. But since having Asher we've argued so much, a lot of the time I have to think 'do I still love him?', becasue the feeling is not there all the time. But now and again I get this overwhelming feeling of love for DH, and it's such a relief to know that I do still love him. I think everything you've descrived is completely normal.

Me and DH have just had some counselling sessions with our local pastor and we're getting back on track. Asher is now 9 months old, so it's taken a long time, but hang in there, it WILL get better if you work hard at it and remember that your love is not lost, it's just hidden for a while.

K.xx

 

[GBLiz]

thats good to know that im not the only one .... Im lightening up as we cross more and more things off our 'to do' list, just hope the sexual feelings make a comeback eventually!

 

[flowergirl]

I reckon you're having a delayed reaction to a very traumatic year. You kept on going and stayed ridiculously active mentally and physically right through your pregnancy, you had temporary homes to deal with, lots of moving about, uncertainty and worry AND a baby! It's no wonder that now that things are getting on a more even keel that you are feeling the effects- you no longer have to keep putting on a a brave face.

The contraceptive injection is almost certainly causing the loss of sex drive- it may even have caused you to react to the stress in your life in a more extreme way, the hormones can be too much for some women- I know that one brand of oral contraceptive really exaggerated my PMT mood swings to the point that I was like two differnt people depending on the time of the month that it was.