MIL turning into nightmare...

[rachie29]

I really need to vent this because OH doesnt get it...

I've always got on well with my in-laws to be fair but since Holly arrived they have driven me up the pole. Now I know they are excited and well-meaning as she is their first grandchild and thats fair enough, but they are so keen its almost as bad as being criticised.

I had to take my cat to the vets today so they came across to sit for me, very helpful and I was grateful. When they arrived Holly was asleep, she was clean, just fed and quite happy. I told them that she should sleep for another half hour, she wont be hungry cos she's just fed but there is a bottle of EBM in the fridge if I am not back by 3 and I would prefer them to wait until then unless she was really screaming for it, it was 1.15pm.

When I got back at 2pm - noone else at the vets luckily - they had her up, changed her and were preparing a bottle.... apparently she'd woken up and cried a little so they decided to feed her. Now this may seem silly but I was really peed off... I'd specifically said 3pm and if she was really hungry she would have been screaming the place down when I got there.. she wasnt!

When we are out and about the MIL will practically grab the pram from me because she wants to push.... I know she is keen and just excited but its starting to drive me mental..... she fusses so much.

How do I handle an overexcited MIL? I dont want to sound ungrateful but its getting really tiring..

 

[leckershell]

God I know how you feel although my OH's mum has chilled out a bit recently to be fair.

Is there no way of OH mentioning to her that she can be a bit overbearing? I was trying to think of a nice way to phrase it, but with my OH mum the only way to get it across was the truth but in a nice way. She calls every few nights and as soon as we would mention Ryan has a cold, or Ryan's been saying Ba and Ga and Ra (she's a speech and language therapist and obsessed with which syllables he says) she just goes off on one and OH has to tell her to chill out and back off, and because we tell her straight, I think she's got the idea now.

But if she won'tlisten, I don't know what to suggest. Other than straight talking. It would piss me off too, esp with the EBM I know what you mean. I'd just say "I specifically said this time for a reason, if you stray from it it messes up our routine so please don't".

Grr MIL's eh

 

[mamichuli]

Tell her, hun. In a nice way, she will certainly understand if she has always been nice and supportive. Point out that she was sure to have her own ways when she was bringing up your OH...
and that you want to do things yourself. Tell her that you are happy to ask her for help if you need it and that it's nice that she cares and is interested... hope this helps!



Lisa

 

[Urchin]

EEK that EBM thing would really pee me off too!
I would just make it clear....in a nice way, like if the vert situation happened again I would spell it out that you do NOT want the milk touched until 3pm.
Explain about EMB being like liquid gold and not just something to have a faff about with LOL

My MIL is very overbearing too and it drives me mad, but she is in South Africa so doesn't see my boys very often so when she does I have to try and let her do it and keep my mouth shut, but it's VERY hard!

 

[samandbump]

i sympathise with you 100% my MIL is the same so over powering and interfearing i could strangle her sometimes...no hang on all the time

 

[OopsyDaisy]

Completely understand where you're coming from.

Unfortunately no matter what I saw to my MIL, she still thinks her way is right and mine is wrong. DH won't do anything, he just tells me to ignore her, which is not easy when my LO's wellbeing is involved. But all I can do is grin and bear it for now.

 

[LilysMummy]

My MIL is nightmare so I know how you feel!

My MIL has a few screws loose though and I just cant trust her with Lily she insists on waking her up everytime she see's her and fiddiling. When she hugs her and rocks her she near enough suffocates her its horrible. And OH came home last night and said "My mum says if she can remember the way here ( ) can she come and spend the day with you and Lily, Shes said if you want to go out she will look after her the whole day and when you go back to work she can look after her everyday" First thing NO and secondly NO WAY. I cant bear to leave her in the same room as Lily is terrified shes going to hurt her and not even realise! OK I know I sound like a drama queen but its all true

 

[newmum]

My MIL is very overbearing too and it drives me mad, but she is in South Africa so doesn't see my boys very often so when she does I have to try and let her do it and keep my mouth shut, but it's VERY hard!

Mine is just down the road but same story! For us - we should visit more often because they need to see their grandchild.... For them - it is too far hence having only visited once in 3 years

Whenever we arrive at their house, MIL grabs LO before she has a chance to see where she is and who is there. Hasn't screamed yet but I can see it coming...

 

[rachie29]

thanks everyone, I reassured that I am not overreacting.

My MIL also live round the corner and I get a bit annoyed cos OH is nd always encouraging me to go round there - his mum doesnt work, but yet he knows what she is like. She fusses and stresses over everything. When I told OH about it he said well she has raised 2 kids and of course she'll have an opinion which we need to respect blah blah.... well yes she has raised 2 kids but this is OUR BABY..... my mum would never dream of going against my routine/wishes even if she didnt agree.

OH finds it difficult sometimes to say something to her because she gets so upset and she goes on about how bad she feels about it... she's not manipulative just hypersensitive....

ARGHHHHHHH

 

[Krystal]

I have the same problem, I love love love MIL. She is so sweet and loves Jack soooo much but bleeding heck she don't half fuss over him.

I put him to bed one night and went out for meal and they looked after him. Got a phone call half way through meal cos he had woken screaming He never ever wakes up She fusses over whether he's too hot/too cold hungry etc etc even when I know there is nothing wrong with him.

TBH I know she loves him and cares for him and I keep my mouth shut. UNless it was something that was putting him in danger i'd rather not say anything as I know she means well.

 

[sazzylou]

When we are out and about the MIL will practically grab the pram from me because she wants to push.... I know she is keen and just excited but its starting to drive me mental..... she fusses so much.

How do I handle an overexcited MIL? I dont want to sound ungrateful but its getting really tiring..

heehee, thats EXACTLY what my MIL used to do with me, its sooooooo irritating isnt it?? Her knuckles would be practically white where she would grip the pram so hard, and if we were shopping she'd get me to put her stuff in the trolley so she didnt have to let go of the pushchair, (cos then i might have taken it back, and she couldnt have that could she... )

I got into the habbit of if she took the pram, id take Beth out and carry her around the shop and leave her pushing an empty pram I know its mean, but FIL used to get really pushy and aggressive when i did this, so that made me do it even more. I dont mind her having a go with pushing, but Beth was my baby, and i loved taking her out and showing her off. There was no give or take with MIL.

Thats only a small example of what shes like anyway. Im dreading what she's gonna be like with this baby, cos she was abit of a loon when Beth was born. Im a bit older and MUCH more assertive now though , so i can see me possibly falling out with her which i dont want at all.

 

[NIE]

I'm having problems with my MIL just now too.

I don't have any advice as everything I have tried doesn't work.

 

[lella]

I get on with my MIL but just recently she is doing something that i just cant bare.

when she has my LO on her lap he faces her so she can talk to him . Then she sticks out her tongue and waggles it around so he can grab it. He thinks this is fun, but i think its disgusting and unhygienic. Im not sure how to tell her to stop doing this without offending her. Plus i dont want to rock the boat cuz we have just got over a falling out over them not helping me with the baby when i was really ill.

I did tell her about another child licking his face at playgroup and how i wasnt impressed by it all cuz of hygiene but she didnt take the hint and my OH doesnt seem to think its that bad. but it is!

 

[Llys]

hehehe....

Isn't it funny how it's never our own mothers, always someone elses

Wonder if all your OH's think your mother is driving them up the wall but their mother is fine


(oh I'm just trying to be controversial )

 

[sazzylou]

hehehe....

Isn't it funny how it's never our own mothers, always someone elses

Wonder if all your OH's think your mother is driving them up the wall but their mother is fine


(oh I'm just trying to be controversial )

hahah, nah, my own mum does my head in too, lol, but i find it easier to talk to her about things that she does that i dont like. I find it really hard to talk to my MIL about the same stuff. She gets offended a lot easier Either that or she doesnt listen and carries on doing things her own way I can get through to my mum cos obviously ive known her my whole life, hehe but my MIL and FIL are a totally different story