MEN!

[caz2008]

Hi all..

i have a three yr old daughter and a 3 week old son, when my daughter has gone to bed my partner will watch our son while i have a sleep in bed as at the moment i sleep down stairs through night so my son doesnt wake my daughter...but when im trying to sleep up stairs if our son cries i hear my partner shouting at him saying "have your dummy" and if he doesnt have it he just says fine dont have it then and he gets stressed with him,,,,he'd never hurt him and he doesnt try shake him etc..he just shouts n moans but if our son cries he doesnt really pick him up or talk to him..he has said that he doesnt love him like he loves our daughter n that he knows he will love him in time... im the one who does all the nappies and the day time/early morning looking after n my partner has him just 6 hours at night..but like i say he gets stressed but now i feel like i should just do everything with our son and not have extra sleep so my partner doesnt get stressed about him and maybe would start bonding with him..i hope this makes sense n it doest make my partner sound like a monster as he is fantastic with our daughter and would never harm anyone he just seems to be avoiding our son??

sorry for the log typing lol

 

[chaz84]

my husband was the same with our son i had to tell him how can i relax when you are shouting at him i said dont you understand if your stressed the baby will sense that and how will he settle if your screaming n shouting could you if someone was doing that to you my husband didnt get any nice time with our son if you get me like when they fall asleep on you or when they are staring and looking around at things i would ask your partner what the matter is perhaps he feels like the baby only cries when he is there so thats why he is trying t avoid him perhaps he his worried about sometime i think only he can tell you why luv

 

[rocksyroberts]

I can empathise here. I've not shouted at my three-week-old son, but I certainly have less patience with the crying than his mum does. I really wanted a girl, which might have something to do with it,
but I definitely think blokes take longer to 'fall in love' with their offspring than women do.
Every Dad I've spoken to has admitted as much.

 

[caz2008]

yeah my parter admitted not loving our daughter when she was born ad now hes so pretective of her and there so close, we were trying to concieve with my son and we knew we wanted a boy and we got him .. i understand men take longer to love there children then mothers as us women get all the kicks in our bellys and feel like we get to know our little ones before there born, Im glad i got a response from a man too as it makes it feel better and makes it seem normal, i guess it will just take time.. i just feel like im always on edge incase our son cries as i dont want my partner to see him as just a baby thats come n interupted our lives and caused problems, ill admit i have been stressed my self with our son n had a moan but its only down to exhaustion i havent shouted..but my patner just doesnt seem to have the bonding time he wont really talk to our son or entertain him..i know its a common thing and its hard for dads too but it just makes me feel bad. our son is such a good baby he sleeps most of day and only problem with him is that he doesnt settle untill 2am after having his last feed at 12am but he will sleep untill 6am or sometimes even 7am which is fantastic... but the time that my partner watches our son while i sleep is the time that he starts with colic like symptoms our son doest get this everynight but does get it every other night or so.....

sorry for waffling on lol..

 

[Meggiewoo]

I have a theory that some men are terrified of tiny babies - they feel totally useless when they cry etc. My OH was like this, loved her to bits but would barely let me leave the room. If I did manage to escape upstairs myself for a bit - he would follow me with the baby! I felt like kicking him in the nuts sometimes! I soon came to realise that when they were alone OH felt totally inadequate, which I think was accentuated by the fact that I was Breastfeeding.

hugs hun!

Kim x x x

 

[caz2008]

its made me feel alot better knowing that other people have had same problem and everything you say sounds familiar...but if i look tired my partner will tell me to go to bed..but then id listen out for our son crying n if he does cry my partner doest wake me i can just hear him saying "whats wrong with you"...or i hear him saying "for god sake" lol.. but then wen i come down stairs my partner will say "hes just been a pain in the a** for me". and then i feel guilty for leaving my partner with our son i dont want my partner to think our son is a pain, i dont want to hinder there bonding by putting my partner in awkward situations, but at the same time i need my sleep lol

 

[Meggiewoo]

I think the problem lies with your partners attitude here, try to make him see that he is defenseless and his only method of communicating is that wailing noise that annoys him so much! . I think he has just gotten so used to your daughter being more grown up and less dependant. You wait! he will soon be totally in awe of 'his son' when he says "dada" or starts to kick a football!

Kim x x x x

 

[Morganuk]