Low sex drive

[LuckyLaura]

Hey,

I know this is really random but just wondering have any of you low sex drives? I think it's stress and basically I am always stressed and busy and overtired but I never feel like I really want to have sex and then now we are ttc it's added an extra element to it!

Its stressing me even more because obvs no sex=no baby but at the same time, I just started a new job, I have low iron, low b12 and low folate and I am exhausted from about 2pm onwards and finish work at 6 then come home which takes about an hour travel then I just crash out

The worst thing was I was predicted to be ovulating on Monday and I really couldn't even make myself TRY to get in the mood.

How have you overcome this if anyone has experienced basically a non-existent sex drive?

xxxx

 

[Sunflower1]

Stress doesn't help. If you can take time out to do yoga or relaxation regularly it might help. Also compensating with good nutrition is important. I take Spatone iron water for iron. If you can I would recommend eating lots of fresh fruit and veg and getting as much sleep as you can. Maybe look into aphrodysiac foods - I think strawberries are good. And take some zinc.

 

[LuckyLaura]

Stress doesn't help. If you can take time out to do yoga or relaxation regularly it might help. Also compensating with good nutrition is important. I take Spatone iron water for iron. If you can I would recommend eating lots of fresh fruit and veg and getting as much sleep as you can. Maybe look into aphrodysiac foods - I think strawberries are good. And take some zinc.

I eat fresh fruit and veg constantly and we eat mainly vegetarian cuz my husband is vegetarian and who has time to cook two meals I think I am wired for stress as I have just had two of the worst years of my life with a legal battle through High Court and I ended up losing my job, being treated for "low mood, anxiety and stress" according to my medical records- I was on antidepressants but I am completely off any sort of medication. I just find the slightest thing really overly stresses me and its so frustrating because I never used to be like that- I'd just get on with it and take things as they come

I will definitely try the strawberries suggestion- I mean worst case scenario if they don't work at least I have eaten something healthy I just find it really frustrating, in my mind I am like okay let's do it but my body isn't cooperating- it doesn't want to have sex

xx

 

[Sunflower1]

It could also be eating vegetarian as that can affect some people. I was veggie for nearly 20 years and got mega run down and ill. Having meat for quality protein might give your system a kick. If you are just veggie for convenience and not ethical reasons then maybe you could grab something meat related for lunch - steak works for me. There are certain amino acids it is hard to get elsewhere (not to offend any vegetarians on here - it works for some people but not others in my opinion). We tried to go more veggie a few years ago and my husband's sex drive bottomed out not to mention his energy.

I was on antidepressants for anxiety too and they can take a while to get out of your system. Plus for me they made me gain a lot of weight which then messed up my hormones. They totally killed my sex drive while I was on them.

Also if you are quite adrenal with the stress then cutting down on caffeine might give the body a bit of a rest. Magnesium is great for stress too. I have it in cocoa but you can take it too.

 

[treetrunks]

I dont suffer from low sex drive but I would look at how you approach sex with an emphasis on touch.
So instead of having sex as the ultimate goal, trying to spend quality time caressing, stroking and kissing each other.
Therefore no pressure to DTD just to give each other sensory pleasure through gentle touch.
Hopefully you both then build up arousal but if not you just enjoy the tickling and the closeness xxx

 

[Alexis2017]

I have found the same issue after 7 months of ttc it feels like a task , I think it's best to try take a break from it and forget about the dates and timings and try just see what happens....but easier said. We are trying to do exactly that. Good luck

 

[Sunflower1]

Actually, me too...after 18 months of opks and temping, this month we are trying to just relax and stop all the testing! It's sooo stressful. Just enjoy being together with NO expectations - develop the intimacy instead. When sex becomes a chore it's a real turn off!

 

[Dolores]

Hey LuckyLaura,

Honestly I can completely relate to this!

I don't know about you but I am a natural worrier, stressed and perfectionist, which is seriously the worst combo ever for a great, spontaneous sex life!

My husband and I had been together 8.5 years married for nearly 3 and on average before ttc we had sex about once a week if that. It was weird because once we'd done it I'd often want it right after or the next day again, then it would fall by the wayside and I'd almost "forget" and I got out of the habit of being in the mood.

Trying for a baby really should be all romantic and close but the reality is it can be stressful, a little too technical and the man can feel just used. It's not exactly kinky/hot thinking "Yeah hope he's fertilised me this time!"

Worse thing you can do is put pressure on yourself or plan it in my opinion.

I'd firstly make sure you're up on your vitamins, iron and SLEEP! Don't go to bed late! And the thing I found when you're in a long term relationship or trying for a baby is you forget to flirt and seduce each other, because you feel you don't have too! So, without any expectation of sex, why don't you run yourself a bath straight after work, put on something nice and cook a quick and easy dinner for the both of you? Or get dressed up and ask him to take you out to eat. You can talk, chat, flirt - connect without pressure and you never know

I think it's just a case of relaxing, letting go and appreciating your other half and making yourself feel good and desirable that can make all the difference to improving your sex life.

If it's any help, thankfully even at once or less a week it took us 4-5 months to conceive, but I will say we're getting back on track to a healthy sex life which we both want - it just takes work, combined effort and some relaxation!

Life will always get in the way, it's up to you to not let it.

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