Losing my mind

[Pinkz]

I've had a pretty rough week.
Bleeding for a week now. Hey doubled. Passed something. Was Told it was the baby. Then told it's not. Called back for more bloods. Hcg gone down 298 in 4 days. Got to go back for a scan.

I'm terrified it's ectopic at the moment. The hospital don't seem to realise how stressed I am about it.

If they don't find anything on the scan on Monday can I ask for abortion pills? I just want this over with and if they don't find a live baby in there at 7 weeks I just want to give up!

Their answer seems to be just wait. Phone us if it gets worse. Come back in 2 days. Come back in another 2 days. I'm getting to the point where Im feeling desperate. I know I wouldn't do anything but I just keep having thoughts

 

[candymycandy]

Hi Pinkz. It's such a frustrating time and an awful limbo, I really empathise and sorry you're having a rough time. If the scan isn't a positive one they will give you the options which will include pills (please just be mindful of using word abortion here though I know you've not meant it like that). Please look after yourself x

 

[Pinkz]

They said there is nothing there anyway so it's doing it itself. I very much wanted this baby. I only meant abortion pills as in something to flush out the baby if it was stuck (but "gone") as it just felt like they wanted me to hang on and hang on till I got an infection or needed some kind of operation.

Anyway hopefully it's all over now. Roll on getting a negative result so I can try again and hopefully get a sticky BFP

 

[candymycandy]

Oh sorry pinkz your message read as though they weren't sure if baby was there are not. They may just let nature run its course I'm afraid as you're already bleeding x

 

[Pinkz]

Nope we've been pretty sure there wasn't going to be a positive outcome from the off. The only uncertainty was if it was ectopic or if I had passed it. I think it's just the thought of something that's already gone being still inside you. Just wanted it out but it looks like it's already gone thankfully so just looks like they will check on my hcg. In armed with my ovulation tests to try get back on track. I feel surprisingly ok today actually. I think the relief of knowing I'm not going to need some horrible operation has probably helped. I get waves of overwhelming sadness and emptiness but I'm just trying to counteract that by keeping busy and telling myself we will get our baby. Just the stars aligning for absolute perfect timing was obviously TOO GOOD for me since nothing ever goes right for me. A good healthy dose of BS to remind me I can never be 100% happy