Looking for Advice from Second time Mummies

[skimpy]

Hi All.

Not long off the phone to my mum and as some of you may know, we are not long after moving away from our families to a new area. The plan was that my oh has 2 weeks holiday when baby comes, and we are spending week 1 at home and week 2 visiting the families. my mum was going to come down when labour started and be my birthing partner, and stay a few days until things settled a bit.

now she has decided she will come down, be there at the birth and rather than stay, she is going to go back to her home (3 hours away) and take my toddler son with her for the week.

now this does not lie well with me, as i dont want to upset my son by removing him from the family home as soon as the baby comes. i think it might upset him to be taken away when his little brother arrives.

What do you think?

i said to mum it might be better for her to stay but she is against the idea now, and blamed it on a conversation she had with my oh. he swears she approached the subject and he told her she was more than welcome to stay as long as she wanted. why is she doing this?

now i am in a state thinking she doesnt want to be there for us.

sorry for long-winded post, didnt think this was going to happen

 

[Emmamb]

I think u need to put ur foot down and insist ur son stays at home. She'l end up causin jealousy between ur kids which won't b good. Hope u get things sorted xxx

 

[skimpy]

Thanks, that's what i was thinking too. my son is such a good oy really, full of beans, but i dont want him removed from the family unit for a week, could be really bad for bonding etc.

then part of me thinks that i will be glad of the help when the time comes.

Oh i dont know what to do argh!!

 

[mel_ed]

i spose theres good and bad 2 both. tricky 1 really. as u wanna be able 2 give bbay attention and bond but then like u say u dont wnat it 2 cause jealousy.
is ur son close 2 ur mum? maybe he'll be excited 2 go? u could make it out it 2 be a little holiday for him and give him some pocket money. and some 2 buy somethimg for his new bbay brother?

 

[skimpy]

Thanks yes he is close to them, they all took it quite hard when we moved. he's a granda's boy lol. that is the angle she is taking "it'll mean he will get spoilt too, he'll love it". I want him to be happy that's all, and we wont be able to correct it if we make a bad choice. I mean his dad has worked away for weeks at a time, but he has never been more than a night away from me, and only a couple of times with no mummy or daddy.

he got a bucket o dinosaurs from baby, they in my hospital bag hiding lol

 

[karenandbump]

Being honest, I'd keep LO at home with me - I;m expecting my 2nd in about 6 weeks. I think bonding time as a family is important as it ur sone seeing baby comne home and getting his head around the fact baby is staying. I'll be keeping both kids with me even tho I know it will be hard. might be worth asking a midwife or HV for advice although i sense ur not happy about ur son going and that is enough of a reason to keep him at home x x x

 

[flexilexi394]

hey! im not yet a mum at all, but i think i would keep him there to be honest, at least he can adjust to another one being in his home - where as taking him out the equation then adding him back in a week later may be a bit strange for him as his home wont be the same, with new baby stuff everywhere and your attention on the little one. at least if he is with you from the beginning he can get involved and help you - not sure excluding him will help matters. totally up to you though! x

 

[skimpy]

Thanks Girls. There is plenty of room for my mum to come and stay here, but she has it into her head that this is what should happen. don't want to upset her and then she turns away all together, she can be a bit funny like that.

My brother thinks she just wants me to beg her to stay so she feels really needed lol, thats the man's perspective for ya

 

[flexilexi394]

its a tricky one isnt it! i know you dont want to upset her, just explain to her that her help at the house will be of much more use to you than actually taking your son for a week, as she can get to know the baby too she lives too far away to just pop in, so try that technique! xx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

i'd put your foot down hun! having a new baby in the house is a massive upheavle (sp), especially if he gets taken away from home for a week! i'd say to your mum that the MW had said tis best for you as a family or something!

 

[skimpy]

Thanks Lexi. I don't know what's gotten into her. she been acting strange. she's admitted she's going through the change...even went so far as to do a pregnancy test at work a couple of weeks ago.... distinctly remember her doing the EXACT thing when i was expecting DS1 (pregnancy test i mean lol) she was sterilised about 20 years ago

Trying to sympathise with her but it's hard right now. made my feelings clear about possibility to upsetting DS1 by removing him for a week, think it fell on deaf ears. just have to wait and see now...

 

[midnight]

if you dont want him to go then dont send him he is your son therefore only you can decide where he goes ect explain to your mum that you dont want her to have him and that you would prefer her to be at your house with you to support you and bond with both her grandchildren together and help ease ds into having a baby into the house and that you would like her to be with you so you know she is there on hand if needed even if its to watch both children well you have a quick nap or even a bath

 

[skimpy]

Thanks everyone for talking this through...when she does come down i will make it clear no one is going anywhere. if she wants to go home then she can, alone.

still cant see the logic in her suggestion to take ds1 away...is she not interested in meeting new baby?!

Not to worry, mind made up now, thanks girls