I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. I beg of you to stick to your guns and not get back with him. I know how hard it is as I've been in this exact situation, and it only got worse with violence towards me, but I stupidly kept going back and it took one hell of a battering on me and him running a bath in wich to drown me and my daughter for me to finally leave for good. It sounds to me like you have given him chances which he has blown, which says to me he will never change. I agree with the others, if he wants access make him go to court for it. Hope you are ok, and if you need any advice or support please feeel free to contatc me x