Lack of parental support

[laurenbnknki]

Hi guys,
I previously posted in a different forum where I was unsure if I was pregnant and now I’ve just had my 8 week first midwife consultation and it’s all feeling real now!
The only people who seem really unhappy about the news are my family. I’m 21 years old & I know they wanted me to be in a different situation when and if I fell pregnant. My mum tried to convince me not to proceed with the pregnancy and that felt wrong to me so I’ve went with my gut and decided to proceed and I’m excited (and a little nervous). Have any of you experienced disappointment from family during a pregnancy? And do you have any advice because it’s really getting me down as it’s early days and it’s something I wish I could talk to them about?

 

[PeanutButter]

I haven't - but I've read lots of stories where families disapproved but once baby was here they were completely different and wouldn't want anything different.
All the best to you x

 

[Ktpotatie]

Hi guys,
I previously posted in a different forum where I was unsure if I was pregnant and now I’ve just had my 8 week first midwife consultation and it’s all feeling real now!
The only people who seem really unhappy about the news are my family. I’m 21 years old & I know they wanted me to be in a different situation when and if I fell pregnant. My mum tried to convince me not to proceed with the pregnancy and that felt wrong to me so I’ve went with my gut and decided to proceed and I’m excited (and a little nervous). Have any of you experienced disappointment from family during a pregnancy? And do you have any advice because it’s really getting me down as it’s early days and it’s something I wish I could talk to them about?

I found out I was pregnant with my daughter at 16 years old. And like you, my family were unhappy, I was meant to go on and get my A levels, go to university, have a life. But I went with my gut and continued my pregnancy. It took my mother about 4/5 weeks to really accept the decision I had made and she came with me to my first scan. After that the rest of the family followed suit, and although they may have all still disagreed with my decision, they hid that from me and kept their opinions to themselves. My daughter is now 8 years old and there’s not one person in my family who hasn’t fell in love with her, and they all finally believe I made the right choice.
Unfortunately this may not be the case for you and your family, but what you need to remember is your medical professionals, your midwife, and your closest friend can also be your family at this time, they will talk to you about any concerns or worries and support you throughout the whole pregnancy. Much love, and if you ever need to chat, I’m here x

 

[laurenbnknki]

Thank you both! That really resonates with me - I thought once I was considered an adult, they would be okay with me making my own choices but they feel differently now as this will also affect my child. My sister is a midwife and I know she has looked after many young mothers, she is trying to be supportive but she doesn’t believe at my age and stage that I will be able to provide all the necessary support and meet all emotional needs of a baby. I feel completely differently, and don’t think I should have to prove myself to them. It’s just incredibly difficult to be going through a life-changing situation and to not be able to count on them to be by my side. I have an incredible partner & he’s right there with me but sometimes I feel you really need your mum. I’m sure you’re right & that once the baby is born they will be happy, but the continuous disappointment I’m hearing from them and silence when I reach out to them for help is starting to really take a toll on me. Do you think there is something I should be doing differently maybe? Give them space to think about and accept my decision and then hope they can be happy for me? It’s too upsetting at the moment x

 

[Linnett3]

I fell pregnant with my daughter (now 10) at 21. Me and her dad had split up but decided to give it another shot and 4 weeks later we were pregnant! I wasn't sure what to do at first and I did consider a termination for a short while but then thought better. My family weren't exactly over the moon as they didn't like my partner at the time for how he ended it previously and how he'd acted during our split. Totally understandable as I had my doubts too. However fast forward 10 years, weve got a 6 year old son, we got married 3 & half years ago, brought our first house 2 & half years ago, had our 3rd child 16 months ago and am now 8 weeks pregnant with our fourth. I'm now just as nervous telling my family about this baby as I was with my first haha! They'll come round, who doesn't love a new baby?!

As for doing something differently - certainly not! You do you and let them come to you. You haven't done anything wrong. Id make your little team with your partner and let them realise what they are missing. They'll soon change their tune!

 

[laurenbnknki]

Wow, thank you so much for sharing - that makes me feel so much better & gives me hope! Oh, and congratulations on your pregnancy, your children, your marriage & your house - what an amazing life you have created
My family have always joked about me getting pregnant too young as I tended to have a lot of partners in the past but I’ve always been careful. In this instance, the man I’m with now is the one I know I want to be with. We moved in together after barely 4 months together (thanks COVID) & went through a lot. We decided to come off birth control and try for a baby after many lengthy discussions about how we would raise the child, discussing religion, cultural aspects, religions, etc & concluded we‘re on the same page. We certainly didn’t expect to fall pregnant merely 6 weeks after coming off the pill! I guess that’s why it came as a shock to my family who didn’t know we’d even attempted to start a family and they haven’t met my partner as we live in a different city and due to lockdown we haven’t managed introductions. It can’t make them feel better knowing they haven’t even met the soon to be father of their grandchild. Even so, the complete disdain they’ve shown regarding my choice to have a baby is shocking.When I first told them, they asked me to speak to a fast track pregnancy counsellor to ensure I was making the right choice, they fired a bunch of questions my way to check I’m ready & I did all those things and answered the questions to the best of my ability & they said they’d support me whatever I chose. When I chose to keep the baby, they did a 360 and at the moment we’re not even talking! Christmas is coming up & I’m worried I’ll be spending it on my own instead of with the family I love. I don’t want to wait 7 months for them to come around, and I certainly don’t want them to turn their back on my baby as a punishment for my decision which is another concern I have. I always thought family were the people you could come to no matter what, but is that really true? I thought they would want to support their daughter/sister/granddaughter during this life-altering time. My mum and sister have also expressed their insistence that I refrain from telling anyone else including other close family members due to it being early and as my mum so eloquently put it “you may not know this, but 1/3 of pregnancies end up not progressing past the first trimester” but I don’t want to keep this a secret during the holidays. It’s hard enough hiding it from friends & everyone at my work. It’s beginning to feel like my mum wants me to keep it to myself because she thinks I should be ashamed or embarrassed. I may be just paranoid, but it certainly feels that way. Does it seem like I’m overreacting or could this be a genuine concern?