Just needed to get my feelings out - sorry

[hesty14]

Not really sure where to start with this so sorry for the ramble but I cannot keep going on to my husband and my best friend is great but just has no idea what I am going through and thinks I just need to have a few sad days and and then get on with it.

I had a d&c yesterday after finding out via a scan last thursday at 9 weeks that the baby did not have a heartbeat and had died a few days earlier looking at the size of it. It was my first pregnancy and was so wanted it just has really hit me hard. I am feeling better than I did now the procedure was done as I struggled over the weekend knowing I had something dead inside me.

To me it was my baby already and I had started to talk to it and just because it was not even started to be anywhere near developed I had started to love it.

I just feel so sad about it all and even though hubby and I are going to try almost straight away, we have said May as we have just booked a holiday to give us something to look forward to and have said that this is when we will start again, I cannot stop thinking about it all.

I just keep thinking why me, when it is something I have wanted forever, why did this have to happen to me and what did I do wrong. I also keep feeling that I have let everyone down as our parents and siblings were so excited to have a new baby in the family.

I have been signed of work for the rest of the week which is going to help as I dont want to snap at anyone at work over things when I am not feeling myself.

I just cannot see how I am going to get over this.

Sorry for the ramble, just needed to empty my head.

 

[heartbroken]

So sorry hun .. You will get through this, you will never forget but you learn to cope better as the days go by. It will take time.. No matter how long your gone in pregnancy it is your baby and that was your future.. All your hopes and dreams.. Its good you booked a holiday hun, hope you have a great time.. xx

 

[1986princess]

hope you feel better soon hun, i had a d&c yesterday and i had 3 weeks of negative remarks off early pregnancy nurses(yet they kept bringing me back for more and more visits) to which i got dissapointing hcg levels a lack of changes on all 3 scans and then confirmation it wasnt a viable pregnancy but a week wait for the d& c. so 4 weeks of hell. but by the time i had the op yesterday as awful as it sounds id had those weeks especialy the last 7 days to get my head round it and felt a sense of relief that it was over. dont get me wrong id rather have continued with a healthy pregnancy, but as the week went on i went from feeling crushed and empty like i couldnt continue with the thought in my mind to mentally preparing for next baby to keep me going and then the relief that the ordeal was over yesterday. My approach now to get me through is to get my body baby ready again by taking folic acid and eating well, and enjoying quality time with oh and friends until my next bfp i feel it will happen in next 3 months(hoping and praying). i started to look at it from the angle that it juist wasnt meant to be. right now u will think easier said than done and u wont be able to cope but i PROMISE u will soon feel better. and e will see you in ttc forum. sorry for essay, thinking of u xx

 

[laurat]

Im so sorry for your loss and on here noone has to apologise for rambling as we all know we have to get our feelings out. Our oh and friends can be amazing but sometimes
they just dont get how attached we were to our little beans. Hopes and futures in them.

I think your booked holiday is a great idea. As the days pass it does get a little easier but will always be there. I take hope that I will also get a bfp in the next 3 months too. I really hope you do too! Keep your head up!

 

[p1nk11]

so sorry for your loss hunni, we r all here if you ever need to talk/rant/anything. It will get easier xx

 

[Cazza]

Rant away hun........lots of us here know exactly how you feel

It seems this is a horribly common thing to happen.

For me, my experience (very similar to yours) has made me more determined to make it work!!

 

[hesty14]

Thank you for all your kind words. Today is a positive day and I am going with it. I have opened the laptop and had a look at work emails so feeling a bit more like me and getting back to some sort of normality. I am going to go back to slimming world and make sure I am in the best shape as I can be for May. I have 6 weeks until the holiday and a ton of summer clothes that are a size too small which i am determined to get in to so it is focus.

I have got to get through this and it will make me stronger. I just want to get on with trying again but have to listen to my rational head and I know that I need a little break to properly grieve for this little bean.

I just want my AF to hurry up so I know where I am with dates and my cycle. I think that this is the first time in my life I have actually wanted the old witch!

 

[Constantstar]

Hello hun. Sorry to hear ur bad news I had a mc in april at 8 weeks but was measuring 5 but it happened naturally so no need for d and c. We struggled at first as its such a big thing but it does get better and the time will be right for you to start again. Enjoy your holiday and come back feeling refreshed ( we went to egypt for a week after ours as needed a break) xx

 

[Samsgirl]

hi hon...i also miscarried at 9 weeks on the 4th March........we are waiting til May too.....as we are getting married on november and getting pregnant now would make it just a bit too close!!! although we both cant wait and just wanna ttc now,,,

so i feel your pain.........we can be waiting to try buddies together,...and trust me, it does get easier as the days go on..

you did nothing wrong, just natures way......just think of your next little bean and that will make you smile

xx

 

[Butterflykisses]

Hey hun so sorry for your loss. It does get easier as the days go by. Don't blame yourself. Just natures way and sadly seems to happen way often. Take care of yourself and OH.

 

[k8_005]

there is nothing harder for a woman to go through. i have to say honestly until i lost my baby and had to have a d&c (was 14.5 weeks when we found out things werent right and 16weeks when had the d&c (there is a thread somehwhere to explain exactly what went on but not want to hijack yours!) even when someone else has been through the same its still different as every mc/d&c, person is different for them personally some people are ok quicker than others one thing is you never forget but you will cliched as it sounds with time be able to move on. we are going to try again in april end/may too having lost ours in oct, its NEVER easy, but having the suppor tof family and friends your husband and the ppl on here is definatly helpful, somepeople find councilling helps, some find time off work, i treid to get back to work asap the only reason being is at home i would lie in bed crying and thinking about it at work i had something to do, i did do restricted duties (as my job involved concentration at a high level) and i then gradually went back to normal duties over a 3week period, going to the toilet is a constant reminder of what you have lost and there will be pregnancy books, preg people, friends etc and things that will keep on reminding you, you have to think of things such as happy pregnancy moments you had and stop asking yourself why as sadly there is often really no reason no closure and you continue to upset yourself, big hug we are always here for you look after yourself and oh as best you can, and try and think towards thte future, make sure you continue to take folic acid and preg vitamins if you are planning to try again very soon, and make sure you feel emotionally able to cope with trying again. everyone copes differently but we are planting a rose bush on the date baby was due (couldnt do before due to frosts) as a memory to the one we lost, every time we see it flower we will remember i know others have done similar things xxx

 

[beautytalk]

I'm so sorry to hear that
dear, be strong and dont lose hope. everything happens for a reason..