just need to say this

[Andrianne]

I feel as if I'm cheating and I'd just like to be honest

I'm undecided about this pregnancy. I really want to keep the baby but there's so many factors I have to consider that might eventually make me decide against continuing this pregnancy. I haven't told my bf yet, will tell him after Saturday

I see many women ttc'ing or getting their BFP after months of trying and I feel bad for even writing this. Hope I'm not offending anyone

I just want to make sure my baby will have a good life. It's complicated as my whole family is in Europe, I myself am in Canada and bf is here as well.

Well I have to talk to bf, that will play an important part in my decision I think. I still have time to think about it.

Until then I hope it's OK to stay here with you? A part of me is celebrating and is so happy about this pregnancy, I want to have a ticker, share things here etc

thanks and again sorry if I'm being offensive

 

[dannii87]

Don't be sorry We're all here for one reason - support.

And that's what you'll get - whatever your circumstances <--- Can never have enough huggles!!

xxx

 

[Sherlock]

Don't feel bad please

You of course need to think things through and let it all sink in. And telling your BF might make things a lot clearer for you and help in your decision.

Don't rush yourself and decide something you may regret. You may find in a week or so you feel very differently than you do today, one way or the other.

With regards to your mentioning about living overseas and family in the UK... My hubby is from Australia and his family all live there. We live in the UK and are having to deal with the fact his family cannot be here to support us and him and spend time with our LO once s/he arrives. Most of my family live in Spain. However, visits are planned, the internet and computers make contact much easier in this day and age. Granny Oz is looking forward to webcam and voice chats already Things can be overcome and its not all doom and gloom if they are not in the same country living. I also spent many years living overseas and am used to long distance family, even if it is sometimes tricky to get your head round. Feel free to drop me a PM if you want to talk about it.

 

[cinnamon81]

Just wanted to say give yourself plenty of time to think things through and talk to your OH. And have some hugs

Finding out your pregnant is really scary, whether its planned or not, and I spent weeks worrying if I was doing the right thing or not, had only been with my OH a year when I fell pregnant, halfway through a degree and no income

But even though the worries about providing for my baby are still there somwhere, they're nothing compared to the feeling that I'm going to be a mum.

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

My first daughter was totally unplanned - wasn't living with my partner, had just got a good job (finally) after years of crap jobs following Uni, so I can kind of relate to what you are going through. All I'd say really, is talk to your BF, and take plenty of time to make your decision - it is likely one of the toughest you'll ever have to make. I decided to have my baby after serious thought and I'm very very glad I did but it is a very individual thing - plenty of women have terminations due to bad timing etc (I think my Mum did, a few years before she had me, and I may well have done 5 years before!).

I'm not aware of your living abroad circumstances but would like to add that I have a similar situation - I live in the UK but my parents and brother live in Spain, and the only other family I have here is my Grandad who has dementia and lives in a nursing home. I don't find it to be too much of a problem to be honest - sure, I wish my Mum was here but she does come over a fair bit and we spend more quality time together. She has an excellent relationship with the girls and will hopefully be here when this baby is born. It's not ideal but we've managed to work around the distance thing.

All the best with whatever you decide.

 

[Mildly]

Of course you can stay It is a big decision for you and your partner and no one but you both can make it.

 

[Andrianne]

Thank you so much ladies, it means a lot to me

I'm not scared to tell him it's just not a good time right now and I'm only respecting something he has to do on Saturday. He's probably going to give me sh*t for not telling him sooner but I think he will understand

We're not rich but my family is wealthy/ comfortable and they could afford me and a baby easily or regular visits (although it's overseas) but they're not going to be thrilled with the idea so I'm wondering how much of a help they'd be willing to give me or if they're going to tell me 'you're on your own, it's your responsibility'. If I knew they'd be there 100% I'd even have the baby on my own - if bf says no that is

So I just need to talk to him first and it's very bad I might consider other options here or in my country

My therapist was positive about this (she was a little happy for me) and encouraged me. She agreed it will be extremely difficult on my own

thank you for your advice and the hugs

I'll keep you posted

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

All the very best, and good luck with your talk

 

[Suzie and Faith]

 

[Mildly]

Yes, please let us know how you get on and good luck

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Hello

I just wanted to say that I know it's very scary when you weren't expecting it but just take a deep breath and think about how you'd feel if you DIDN'T go through with it

My religion teaches that children are a blessing whether you wanted/expected them or not. We also believe that once you have been blessed with a child you will be able to provide for it...whether that be lavishly or on a tight budget - but you should not worry about poverty because you will both be taken care of

I know you may not religious but I thought I'd just mention it as food-for-thought

I've just found out I'm pregnant and although I'm pleased - I also have at the back of my mind that I've just got a lovely well paid new job and we were about to move home and sponsor my sister in law on a visa so she could come over....and now all this is going to have to work around our baby ....but I have faith it will all work out.

 

[Penstraze]

Give it some time even if your bf isn't happy at first that could just be the shock and he may come around same with your family!
When I found out I was pregnant it was quite a shock - I only went to the doctors cause thought I had a UTI! - I knew my OH wouldn't be happy and he wasn't he wanted me to have an abortion but knew I wouldn't he said he didn't want it and if I kept it I would be on my own, he ranted and raved for a weekend and I really thought we were going to be over and he'd never come round, but suddenly he did. He said he loved me and wouldn't lose me over it and by the time I had a dating scan a couple of weeks later he actually said he'd be quite disapointed if the scan was bad news cause he was actually looking forward to being a family now that he had gotten used the idea.

Thinks looked so bleak in the begining but its amazing the difference a day makes!

 

[Andrianne]

thanks for the support and for sharing your stories, they help a lot

I was actually talking to my dad yesterday, I finally told him about bf. I hadn't told him before because i was worried about our age difference (it's kinda on the high end ) but he took the news relatively well and asked me questions about him and our relationship. He mentioned he and my mum are only spectators and I'm the only one responsible for my life, they'll always support me and my decisions. So I was happy but then he added 'of course if we see some decision would bring you to a dead end, then we might interfere' (pretty sure a pregnancy would be a perfect example of that statement!). They love me very much so I have a little faith they might be OK

One thing at a time. I have to talk to bf. Either tonight after the show or tomorrow. Getting a little nervous. Will let you know

xxxx

 

[Andrianne]

penstraze, i'm glad your OH came around

 

[Sherlock]

Age gaps are what you make them to be. There are 12 years between myself and my husband, I am the older It's never been an issue for us though. The only thing was we had to consider how long to leave it before trying for a baby. My being 36 turning 37 we felt was long enough, after almost 5 years together.

I've also dated men 20 plus years older then me and never thought it a real problem.

At the end of the day, if you and your BF are happy and feel you have a future thats the most important thing. You could be with a man closer to your age and its no guarantee it will last. My husband is more stable, mature and decent than many men twice his age. Its the person not the age at the end of it, remember that

I don't think your parents would interfere too much. They might be shocked having only just found out about your BF, but they would come round in time I am sure.

Anyways, good luck with telling him. I am sure that he'll be surprised when first told, but give him a chance to take it all on board, even if he needs a few days.

 

[dannii87]

Age gaps are what you make them to be. There are 12 years between myself and my husband, I am the older It's never been an issue for us though. The only thing was we had to consider how long to leave it before trying for a baby. My being 36 turning 37 we felt was long enough, after almost 5 years together.

I've also dated men 20 plus years older then me and never thought it a real problem.

At the end of the day, if you and your BF are happy and feel you have a future thats the most important thing. You could be with a man closer to your age and its no guarantee it will last. My husband is more stable, mature and decent than many men twice his age. Its the person not the age at the end of it, remember that

I don't think your parents would interfere too much. They might be shocked having only just found out about your BF, but they would come round in time I am sure.

Anyways, good luck with telling him. I am sure that he'll be surprised when first told, but give him a chance to take it all on board, even if he needs a few days.

Ooooh bagged yourself a toyboy!? I agree with Sherlock 100% - age gaps mean nothing, it's how you connect with that person that really counts

Anyway, hoping all goes well with talking to your boyfriend. It's great that you have found comfort in our replies, again, we're here to support each other so do let us know how it goes

xx

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi Adrianne,

I agree with Penstraze - give your bf some time after you have given him the news. My bf said he'd support me, and then a few days later freaked a bit (neither of us were exactly used to children at the time, he'd not long got over a nervous breakdown and his life had just been getting back on track!!) but he was ok in the end and he's very very glad now we've got Daisy, and of course Rosie.

I'd also just like to add, 'follow your heart'. There may be a 101 reasons that you can find why it would not practical at the moment but if you feel deep down that you really want your baby then you may really regret it later if you don't go through with it. I'm not religious at all but things do have a habit of working themselves out; I'm almost positive your family etc will come around eventually, even if they give you a hard time at first. If, on the otherhand, your heart is telling you that it just isn't right for you then maybe the alternative is best. Whatever you do though, give it some time and don't rush into anything until you're really really sure.

All the best

 

[Andrianne]

Thanks DR, Dannii and Sherlock. Age gap is not much of an issue with this guy and he acts younger than his age. Sherlock, it's great that you make such a good couple. Guys like yours are hard to find!

Well I talked to him and it's good news (it seems)

I'll start a new thread

xx