Just made to feel like a bad mum.

[Monkey]

I just went and got E weighed again as she had dropped how much she was putting on. So I went there to for reassurance that she was still gaining enough and to make sure I was doing right by her. Once there, the HV asked "if I took her to their weaning group" and I said "no, I was taking her to one done by the baby group that I go to". She then proceeded to get up me for not having taken her to one and declining their group. It's my usual HV and she always makes me feel like a bad mum but this time was the worst. Just wanna cry as now I really feel like I'm failing as a mum as I haven't taken her to a group yet, though I have asked my group to add me to their next one already.

Anyone else have little ones who should start properly weaning soon and haven't been to a group yet?

 

[BabyBrain]

We haven't got that far yet just wanted to give you a hug hun try not to take any notice of her xxxxxxxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

What a cow! I'm really starting to hate HVs. I wasn't planning on going to a weaning group as 1 I'm planning on BLW and I assume thats not covered? and 2 I'm not an idiot who's going to try and feed their babies chicken nuggets and chips and 3 I'm pretty in the know about healthy/unhealthy foods and the food group. I make every meal fresh in my house. Besides wouldn't it be better for you to be around your mummy friends not a group of strangers?

 

[xxbeckyxx]

*hugs* So sorry you've got such a crap HV!
I went to a breastfeeding group that also talked a bit about weaning but I found it completely boring and it was just the same old stuff that I'd already read about/talked about with family/seen on here.

I don't talk to my HV unless I have to, we stopped seeing her when L was 3 months and have only seen her since for her 10 month check. She's about as much use as a chocolate teapot

 

[jld123]

what a rubbish HV. to be honest alot of them are like that, i got asked about baby massge group, weaning group etc and i declined them all because its exhausting having to get your newborn baby ready after a night of no sleep then walking to one of their groups, purely to socialise. I weened and massaged Edie myself without any groups. dont listen to her, you know what is right for your baby x

 

[clairebear22]

They don't even offer groups around here apart from the usual Mother & baby groups! Tell her to stick her advice!! You'll do things your way!

Don't worry about your LO not gaining weight, Jack has been the same weight since January (18lbs) but eats like a horse and is as strong as an ox! As long as your LO is thriving and happy who cares?! x

 

[Belfast girl]

I actually sneak into the baby clinic and weigh emma myself as I am tried of the sighs I get from one of the hv's. Is that an option for you?

that said the other one is fantastic! she is a big fan of blw, she is one of these 'you know your baby best but if you want to discuss any options etc then give me a call, we don't generally bother you'

I used to argue against the other hv just for the sake of it but I don't even bother to do that anymore...

I go to quite a few groups but that is purely my choice, the hv reccommended the NCT book, Edinburgh for under 5's and left me to it!

 

[Hunnie]

You can request a health visitor change I think? I got a leaflet with a few of the health visitors round me phone numbers.

My mum keeps pressuring me to go to baby groups but 1. I like being a hermit crab 2. Sophie's too young to play with other babies yet and 3. I have better things to do atm.

 

[Dustbunny]

I'm sorry you were made to feel bad hun, she sounds like a horrible woman. It's entirely up to you whether you go to groups or not and it certainly doesn't make you a bad mum.

 

[willowwisp]

I think some professionals (not just limited to HV's and MW's) can get a bit too full of their own importance and loose sight of the fact they are meant to be SUPPORTING you and assisting you where you need assistance. They should not, in any circumstances be judgemental, patronising, disapproving or making you feel bad.

Even if there was a problem with your babies growth and development, and/or your parenting skills, they should be encouraging you in the right direction and helping you achieve goals. Making people feel bad achieves nothing.

I would ask for a change of HV and request someone who is constructive, supportive and reassuring.

 

[benjis mum]

I never heard of a weaning group. When i started weaning ben i bought a book by annabel karmel and used common sense! We started with a bit of baby rice then moved on to pureed veg and then fruit. Small amounts and as fresh as possible.

Oh i hate hv - no wonder us mums are always stressing when the people employed to help and advise us are so useless!

 

[Monkey]

Thank you everyone for the reassurance. I seriously left there feeling an inch tall. When the HV was talking the other workers were standing around looking at me too, which made me feel worse. I think I can change HV, but I hate making a scene and anyway the longest she has ever visited me at home has been 5 minutes and that was her initial visit.

The clinic that I go to get her weighed is run by a group of 3 - 4 HV's and MV's, so there is no sneaking in at all. I just have to try and find out when my HV is on duty there and avoid it. I shouldn't have been surprised really, it's not the first time that she has made me feel bad about myself or my motherly duties.

 

[rosey]

You wanna tell her to knob off! Bloody idiot, some people just don't think!

 

[Belfast girl]

remember you can go to any baby clinic - not just the one run by your gp!

my local one is heavily staffed but there is another one where they just leave the scales out and i pop into there!

 

[Monkey]

I just go to this one as it's literally just around the corner from me as I only have a car available to me once a week and that is when I go to baby group. Unfortunately they don't do weighing there. Thankfully, I don't see the HV much and I don't do anything else with the community MW's or HV's.