Just feel so blah- so happy & so sad

[furbaby]

Okay so I am really excited to be having a baby and although I am not looking forward to the pain - I'm not freaking out about labour - yes I had morbid thoughts awhile ago but feeling pretty ok about it now and actually wondering how it will begin and start and feeling ok (this may change as the time draws nearer

I had my midwife appointment today and for once I have no uti, baby is fine in fact babies head is engaged- he's apparently snuggled into my pelvis- could it be wishful thinking to presume he comes sooner than 40 weeks?! probably!

Unfortunately have no make a dr apt as midwife thinks i have mastitis in my right boob

My Spd is playing up and finally decided to be referred to physio so here's hoping that helps

Now for the worst bit...... I found out my dad is having tests done (a biopsy) as he could have throat/lung cancer - he's been keeping this from me as not to upset the baby and he made my mum and sister also keep it from me- I'm so torn apart by this as I am so incredibly close to my dad and angry that no one told me Obviously I am worried and I am now terrified that the results will show he does indeed have cancer (they'll also stage it at the same time) and that its the worse case imaginable, I have no idea how I will cope (I know how selfish that sounds) and my dad is acting all very 'ah well we'll see' he's acting so blasé that i don't want to act overly concerned........


I have such a mix of emotions- I'm so happy and despite the pregnancy symptoms really looking forward to being a mum and on the other hand I am so scared and worried about losing my dad that my heart feels ripped in two

This was really a bit pointless but I don't want to tell people around me and sometimes its easier to talk to you ladies as we've gone through loads together and I can't actually cry in front of you ...


xxxx

 

[BellaRiven]

Oh honey massive

I can kind of relate, my dad went into hospital about 2 years ago for a serious operation to remove a tumour from his oesophagus, he now only has a quarter of his stomach and half his gullet but they caught everything.

He rang me the other day to say that they had found a tumour on his liver whilst scanning him the other day, he is doing the whole blase thing too and it's downright annoying, they think it is benign but he has to go for more tests.

I am very much a daddies girl always have been and always will be but it is so worrying when they say not to worry!!!

If you need anyone to chat to then please message me even if it's just to scream xxxxx

 

[furbaby]

Thank you Bella I may take you up on that offer, I do am so much more of a daddies girl than mums, and he is acting like 'whatever will be, will be' and appears to be taking it in his stride - he's that kind of man anyway he's not the overly emotional type...

I really hope your dads tests do turn out to be benign as do I hope my dads are.....

He went around telling people he had an autopsy and he honestly didn't click when we kept saying its called a 'biopsy' he just laughed it off....he's still calling it an autopsy?!

 

[BellaRiven]

LOL dad's you gotta love em...

When dad has his operation he kept telling people it was his fesofagus that that was eing operated on to this day he can;t pronounce it right but it's so funny I don't have the heart to tell him lol

I really hope everything works out with your dad, they do tend to be more relaxed than the mum's.

Like I say just message even if it's just to scream because he has frustrated you xxxsx

 

[furbaby]

My dads irish so everyone just laughs when he can't pronounce certain words or comes up with some really unique phrases- I think it's just my dad though!

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow- I'm going out for lunch with some friends in the hope it'll occupy my time- has to be better than sitting at home waiting for mum & dad to ring with the results.....

I spoke to him yesterday and he was just like 'no sense in worrying about it, till you know there's something to worry about' and 'we'll just go with what the dr says...' I can't believe how caviler he is being and I wonder if its just a show he's putting on for us- but on the other hand he is just very much that way - he isn't overly emotional and he is very logical- I can't say I have ever seen my dad cry in my life he's just incredibly practical and I don't think he would respond well if i started crying or getting all emotional

mum said he was reading through the life insurance policy the other day and saying things like 'it's such a shame, I was planning on increasing my cover at renewal last month' ?!

anyway this time tomorrow evening I'll have some answers xxxx

 

[jacy90]

So sorry to hear of your news. Fingers crossed its nothing serious and your dad's ok..

 

[furbaby]

Thanks Jacy90 - results should be in anytime after 2.30 today I have everything crossed, but chances aren't in his favour...


will update

xxxx