feel stuck

[nmf1987]

i'm sat here in tears cos i don't know what to do.

i have been trying to decide the best way to go about how to have family at the hospital as we have an awkward situation.

i am with lee and my real mum is married to his dad. we got togeether just after they got married.

lee's mum will obviously want to be there.

and then i have my dad and step mum. i am really close to my dad and originally said i want him in the room during the birth he has now said he would love to but feels it will cause problems cos of my real mum and should be me and lee.

that's fine as i was also worried about this. my real mum can be a bitch and will make my step mum and lee's mum feel awkward and make comments and give them little looks.

i don't want anyone to be left out but also don't want anyone to get upset or start arguing when im bringing my little man into the world.

i tried to talk to my step mum about my new plan last weekend which was to have everyone at home until we call to say he is here(or if i call and say i want my dad there after all)

well i have just spoken to dad and he said mum got abit upset as she felt she was gonna be left out and my real mum and my dad would be there. that isn't what i meant i want my step mum there over my real mum but just want to make everyone happy.

i don't know what to do and am so upset to think i have upset her as she has been my mum for the last 18 years almost as my real mum left me when i was 8 and didn't come bk till i was 14.

sorry for long post just feel stuck and at a loss. xxxx

 

[midnight]

you should do what is best for you and forget about upsetting people its not about them its about you so if you want your dad and step mum there have them and dont worry about your real mum if she has a problem with it she should of thought about that before abandoning you from the age of 8 till 14 bringing a baby into the world can be very emotional and you need to feel comfortable about who is around you xx

 

[nmf1987]

i just dont want them all there and me to be in labour worrying about what my real mum is doing to upset them. she would make comments about being his real nanny etc and i don't want my step mum to have thoughts like that. xxx

 

[Miss]

Aww hun - what a horrible situation.

The only advice I can give you is this

- You can't please all the people all the time

- It does not matter who made you - The people who mattter are the ones that have been Mum and Dad to you, the ones who have been there thru the good and the bad, provided for you, hugged you when you are down and smiled and laughed with you when hings were good.

- Sod everyone else - what do you want? What would make you happy? This is about you and your family (You, Oh and baby) and what is right for you 3.

It's prob come across harsh - but it's true - you can' live your life for others
xxx

 

[nmf1987]

i just want to bring my lo into the world with loving family around him but i have always been with my dad. when he and my real mum split when i was about 18 months i stayed with my dad. he is my rocka dn my hero and this will be his 1st blood grandchild and i want him to meet him 1st. xxx

 

[Miss]

See! You have your answer of who you want there hun - just don't be afraid of making it happen.

As for your real Mum.....she has no right to make your Mum feel upset and sounds like a self centered bitch who thinks the world revolves around her. I am sure she had her reasons for leaving I am not talking about that....more about the fact she will make your Mum uncomfortable on purpose.

How does Lee feel?

Big big hugs hun xx

 

[nmf1987]

he just wants me to be happy. but can also see my mum causing problems.

she hasn't got the right to be there after all the times shes left me. he doesn't greatly get on with her but we both find it hard to say anything to her cos she flys off the handle. xxx

 

[Miss]

Well.....sounds to me like you know what you want you are just worried about the blacklash of telling everyone.....I know the feeling.

Sounds like the woman is going to make more people sad by being there than happy - you and OH included - you are the 2 people that matter most in all this.

It's all about you and your family now hun....surround yourself with people who you want there and will make you feel happy. You don't have to have anyone there you do not want.

I do not envy your situation - I may hit a similar one myself when baby is here lol Not looking forward to it but I have made my mind up what I want and no one will make me feel bad for it if the time comes

xx

 

[amandapanda]

What a messy situation!! If it helps any, at my hospital they have a rule of only 2 visitors + partner at a time so maybe you can police it that way.....xxx

 

[nmf1987]

thats a good idea amanda. think they have similar at mine. worth a go. xxx

thanks miss. your brilliant. made me feel loads better. xxx

 

[pinkymum]

Can't add anymore to what Miss and Amanda have said hun

Just that I agree that you should do what makes you happy! And no one has the right to make you feel bad about it especially after the way you've described how your mum has been.

x x x x

 

[Miss]

Just don't let it stress hun hun! xxx

 

[smess26]

Hugs my lovely.sorry I don't.have.much advice.x x

 

[Vicxzy]

Oh hunny
Our hospital has the same rule about 2 visitors unless you are in a private room so you could use that?
Otherwise just have u & Lee there?
Your family will just have to get over it & they will, the last thing you need is them squabbling while you are in labour x

 

[cherelle]

I hope you feel a bit better now hun, i just agree with everyone really - its all about you and your new little family and you shouldnt have to worry about others when you should be concentrating on bringing a little person into the world!

I think its selfish of your mum to kick up a fuss, she should totally want whatever is best for you. I think if i was in your situation id say so too! x

 

[manda&dave]

I'd save the aggro and have just you & your partner at the hospital and have family visit you afterwards at home.
You are never going to be able to please everyone, and the birth of a baby is meant to be a joyous event, not one that is doused in awkwardness...
xx

 

[nmf1987]

thanks all.

just horrible as i wanted my dad to witness him coming into the world. well at least we can be a family of 3 before the chaos starts with visitors etc.

just can't talk to my mum. the reason she left when i was 8 was cos i felt ill and asked for my dad so she sent me home and told me to find her when i was 16.

at least i know i won't be a mother like her at all. xxx

 

[Lou_1]

just seen this post dnt stress urselfe about it ul just have to go with the flow hun. If u really want ur dad there id have him there and tell the rest to deal with it.. This is urs and lees special time to meet ur LO dont let any of them spoil it good luck xx

 

[Miss]

Not sure how I missed this post but for christ sake don't feel you have to give in to that woman just because she will kick up a fuss she does not deserve it.

Have your dad with you hun if that's what you want but don't be emotionally blackmailed into anything by her. I know she is your birth mother and everything but that can only excuse so much!!! Xxx