Is it really this hard?

[juliekim0908]

My boy is nearly 9 months old. He's not badly behaved or particularly a 'hard' baby.
Why am I finding it so difficult? why doesn't my child like food?! why does he scream the place down at every nappy and clothing change.?! . while trying to crawl away
Why don't I get to go to work!? why does my husband come home and able to sit on the sofa?!
Hes even a pretty good sleeper now, wakes at most once a night. had a few full nights in the past 2 weeks. Why don't I 'enjoy' looking after my baby?!
I love him to pieces and when he learns new things my heart melts, yet we've had a bad evening of getting him off to sleep due to teething and I want someone to take him away! just for an hour or so.. why don't I get a break!? arghhhhh. Im so stressed

 

[Louise2013]

Hun, as my lovely husband keeps reminding me (as I have lost all confidence in myself since becoming a Mum and doubt everything I say/do/feel etc.), we are doing THE hardest job in the world........

My LO is now 10 months old and I feel like a complete t*t because I genuinely thought, before I had my LO, that I would breeze through motherhood; I am (was) a confident, happy and laidback person and never found making decisions or choices hard at all. I could look at a situation and would instinctively 'feel' what I 'should' do next.

But no more

Everyone tells you how hard it will be beforehand; I must admit, I took it with a pinch of salt. I often thought 'Of course it's not EASY, but seriously, how hard can it really be????'. Turns out, I'm an utter idiot.......

How you are feeling is totally normal (I believe anyway from chatting with other Mums about this, often!) but if you do ever feel that you are generally struggling to cope, and it isn't something that OH or family can help with, a good chat with a GP to rule out any PND is always a good idea; I was affected (mildly) by this at the beginning as I was a huge failure at breastfeeding and my word, it was driving me towards a very lonely place; I spoke to my GP as soon as I felt I wasn't 'right' and nowadays, my 'low' moments are entirely deriven from either sleep deprivation, exhaustion, mental fatigue and the words to 'If you're happy and you know it' echoing in my head

It will get easier - though that can seem like an empty statement I'm sure!! xxxxxxxx

 

[Applecrumble]

My little one is 3and a bit months....and i know exactly how you feel..its relentless...xxx your not alone

 

[Kay Kay]

I really relate to everything you've said. It is normal to feel like this even if not everyone will admit it. My lo is now 20 months and what I will say is im getting so much more back from him now because he is starting to chat and communicate with me and it's made all the difference. When my lo was a newborn and I was struggling (looking back I think I had a degree of pnd) my health visitor said babies take and take and take from you and give very little back until one day, either when they belly laugh at a silly face you do or give you a kiss or whatever it may be, they will start to give back and make it so much more gratifying. She was right. You are doing a great job just hang in there xxx

 

[Goat]

Oh Hun I really don't think there's any such thing as good and bad babies. Your baby just sounds like a baby and you've clearly done such an amazing job raising him. You just need a break, an day/evening off to do something just for you.
I have a very willful 2 year old and a 4 month old who wants to just be with me all the time. It's hard work and I definitely would like a break so you're not alone! He'll be a year old soon and I found that such a lovely age, so it does get a lot better.xxx

 

[juliekim0908]

Thank everyone. Its hard to see that everyone is in the same boat, when you go to baby groups or walk around the supermarket, everyones there acting normal, even with a smile on their face at times, cooing at their little one.

Yet I get home and wonder HOW?! .. we have good days and times, but ive been feeling like this since probably last September, although I have spoke to to my OH, he cant do much as he works crazy hours, often 6 days a week. He does help when he has days off.

Family wise, my parents work full time, my dads away 12 days out of 14. So they have him once a month for a day. OH's family we see maybe once a month, and they look at my son from a distance and are not interested.

I have a couple of friends I go to see, but when every baby alternates colds/coughs that we don't want to pass on im lucky if I see them once a month! lol.

I've been thinking about going to the doctors for a long time, but don't even know where to start when I get there, ill probably either break down or look like nothings wrong.

I definitely had a bad day yesterday.. heres hoping for a better one today =) xxx I appreciate all your replys. it helps reading them

 

[SR35]

I have to say too that I never could've imagined just how hard being a mum would be. You just can't understand until you're doing it and by then it's a bit late! Of course I love my little girl to bits and couldn't be without her now, but my god it's hard work, day in day out and with never a full nights sleep and always an early morning! My dh works a lot too and weekends his two children are with us so it's generally me doing everything. Which of course I don't mind at all but a little break now and again would be nice! Gone are the days of lay ins, nights out with dh, spending time getting ready, going clothes shopping, lazy days, watching films, reading. By the end of each day (8pm) I just about have enough energy to eat tea, watch eastenders and then I'm just about ready for bed. I know it's not going to last forever and I'm truly grateful for my daughter but I think it is ok to miss your old life a bit, especially in the early days when it's so tough. I'm glad other people feel this way too! xx

 

[hayes]

Totally the same hun, I love Harry to the moon n back but do love it wen he has Nanny time for a but or nursery on a weds as he is sooo much hard work. Motherhood is tougher than people can ever imagine. We all need a break n that doesn't make u a bad parent. Big hugs to you hun u r defo not alone.

Michelle.x

 

[jcox]

I have two girls 2 and 6 months and I could have literally just written your post. I've found that it's so up and down you'll have a brilliant few days, everything goes right, the kids eat well, sleep well, behave well and everything's rosy then in a heartbeat it all changes and you feel like the worlds worst mother! My mum says to go with the flow and take the rough with smooth. I say easier said than done!x

 

[Toria111]

I think this is how a lot of people feel. Just not everyone wants to admit it. My kids are 12 months, 6 and 9 next month. I still ask myself the same thing. lol

I do put Emma in nursery 1 1/2 days a week that im suposed to use as 'me' time, but most the time I clean and Cook and do things with the older two.

 

[Rooster30]

As with everyone else, I felt this exact same way. I found the first year so exceedingly difficult, partly because the change in your life happens so dramatically. I suddenly felt imprisoned and overwhelmed by the responsibility which made me not want to be with my baby alone during the day. I'd be crying everytime my husband left the door as I didn't want to be alone.

But then, things got easier. My son, got that bit older, that bit cuter, more responsive, developing more. I love age 12-24 months. He walked, he talked, he played better and generally nothing but a joy and a lovely companion during the day. Plus the shock of it all had settled down. I had mentally finally readjusted to everything. My life is nothing but a routine now, but it's okay.

You'll get there, and if you are concerned at all about how you are feeling then please speak to you HV. Mine really helped me when my son was 8/9 months old and gave me a lot of reassurance.

 

[Iwant3]

I am a childminder and I run a baby club for this purpose! I offer mums of babies from newborn to 2 to have 3 hours to themselves (call it baby club) it also serves to get little ones used to being away from parents and in child care settings for if/when mum goes back to work.

Maybe look into something like this - there is no shame admitting that you would like some me time! just a trip to the hair dressers or browsing around the shops or chilling on the sofa or in the bath is just what you need to recharge!

If you find you are feeling low and negative more than positive I would speak to your hv (they could visit you at home) they do a simple questionnaire/checklist for PND - it's more common than you think. I had is mildly with my first daughter and wasn't diagnosed until she was 6 months old.

 

[littlemonkey]

Definitely do speak to your doctor if you're worried things are getting on top of you.

I had Pnd after my son and the doctor and HV were great help for me. What helped me most through was being able to get counselling and talking about how I felt etc and this is so important.

To me you sound lik you've worked out what's getting you down, you need a break and a bit of you time. Don't feel guilty about it. Like Iwant3 said don't be afraid of looking into leaving lo at a childminder or nursery for one day a week for you to get that break. The way my shifts work out some times I'm off work days we've paid for the childminder and as awful as it's sounds I still send him. It gives me a break, some time to myself and also to catch update around the house.

Could you sort a girks night out in advance, make sure OH is home to have your LO and get out and enjoy yourself.

I know I felt that nobody wanted to help or have LO and when I actually told people how much I was struggling they all rallied round to take him off my hands to give me a break.

 

[flisstebbs]

Google "the unmumsy mum" and you'll find a brilliant blog from a lady who keeps it totally real!
Never fails to cheer me up and help me understand I am normal!!

 

[juliekim0908]

Thanks ladies. Ive had a ok day today. Been able to deal with the tantrums my LO having a bit better and although he refused breakfast, we carried on and he seemed happy with just his bottle.

Thanks for the childminder/nursery suggestion, funnily enough I mentioned it to my OH the other day, just once a week for 3 hours so I can have a breather. Hopefully go have a look within a week or 2 then fingers crossed we can afford it =)

Its a relief reading all your comments. I will be taking myself to the docs as soon as my OH is off for a few hours to go by myself. xxx

 

[Iwant3]

I charge £10 for the baby club - that gives mum 3 hours break and £3.20 for each additional hour....so depending where you are - it shouldn't break the bank

 

[T84]

Such a great idea Angela!! I would love that in my area. Defo no shame in needing time to yourself, it's the hardest job in the world!!

 

[juliekim0908]

I agree, fantastic idea. Closest childminder to me is a 10 minute drive away, havn't passed my test yet so will look into a nursery which is a 15 min walk. xx