Is it just me...

[Becc]

... or does anybody else feel like even at this early stage your baby has become public property? I dunno if it's hormones or what but the constant remarks from relatives that they're going to do this with the baby and that with the baby are starting to get to me and make me feel as though I'm going to be a spare part in my own child's life. This baby will be the first grandchild for both our parents and they all seem so overbearing about the whole thing... OH's parents even started arguing about the due date when we were round the other day and we just sat there looking at eachother as if to say 'HELP!'. When my MiL found out bout the baby... she even said that she wouldn't convert the spare room into a bathroom now then... why?? Does she think that the baby is going to be staying over all the time because that is NOT part of my plans.

I hope I don't sound selfish or insane here... I'm just getting myself really upset about the fact that I feel like everyone is going to muscle their way in and I'm not going to be strong enough to stand up to them and tell them we need time alone as a family... does anyone else feel like this or am I just crazy ??

 

[JulesK81]

It isn't just you!!! My in-laws can be very overbearing and it has been very difficult, especially as they also live with MIL's mother - GRRRRRRRR! Their other grandchildren stay over nearly every weekend and they used to think it would be the same with Kayla - well, it isn't. I am not having her smothered, wrapped in cotton wool and spoilt. And like you, I am not being made to feel like a spare part in my own child's life!

To start with it could be quite hard, they would tell us their way of doing things, try and take Kayla to feed her (I had to bottlefeed) and didn't understand why in the early days, I only wanted my OH or me to feed her, and just be generally clingy and too involved (my OH was smothered and it's only now he's managed to become more independent and break the apron strings).

In the very early days with Kayla, I found it very hard that she suddenly became public property and people would want to pass her around like she was a parcel, people who I barely knew! Well, I wasn't having that and luckily hubby agreed. Once they get older it does get easier and you become less clingy also, if that makes sense. At the moment the baby is solely yours and it is very strange to then have to give that baby to other people! Especially when they all have their own opinions and assumptions.

But it will all work out fine - once the initial newborn excitement dies down, it will be great - and you'll be thankful of grandparents every now and again when you want to go out!!!

 

[Becc]

Thanks Jules... glad it's not just me, thought I was going mad!!

I have spoken to my OH and he said that he will stick up for me if his parents become too overbearing because he knows that I'm too soft to say anything and will just become quietly more and more stressed and miserable. He has his own reasons why he doesn't want too much input from his parents anyway so luckily we agree on it!

I'm just gonna have to try to be firm with people, which unfortunately is not really in my nature... I'm not having all that people I barely know coming over and expecting to maul the baby business and I'm definitely don't want people thinking they can stroll in and pick the baby up when he/she is sleeping!!

Guess I'll just have to take deep breaths and deal with it when it comes

 

[bizzygirl101]

Hi Becc

Trust me when those hormones are flying around after birth you WILL be able to be firm! I am normally very quiet and dont like to make any fuss of stick up for myself, but once i had my little boy i was very different! I was very possesive and shouted at my poor MIL quite a bit! And she is actually not that bad!

 

[Serendipity_]

Well fortunately for me, I'm quite outspoken.

MIL keeps saying I should do this..... or this.... My dad keeps butting in on names we like/dislike...

So I tell them its nothing to do with them, its our baby, not theirs. They had their babies.

I won't be leaving the baby with anyone when its newborn and I certainly won't want anyone keep coming round every day......

 

[babyblonde]

Ours are the opposite actually - they don't want to make too many plans incase things go wrong again!

 

[Chopsie]

When we told my OH's Mum, she suggested that her and my Mum took it in turns to stay with me for the first few MONTHS of the baby's life.

Needless to say I politely declined! Other than that, everyone's been pretty good apart from my brother's wife, who seems to think she's Miriam flippin' Stoppard, despite never having any kids herself, or much to do with them either

 

[Mama 2 Be]

When we told my OH's Mum, she suggested that her and my Mum took it in turns to stay with me for the first few MONTHS of the baby's life.

Needless to say I politely declined! Other than that, everyone's been pretty good apart from my brother's wife, who seems to think she's Miriam flippin' Stoppard, despite never having any kids herself, or much to do with them either

Whoooa! Think I've just woken from one of those vivid pregnancy nightmares, I dreamt someone's MIL is considering staying with her poor son and DIL for MONTHS after the birth of their baby.

 

[Jade89]

Not so much people are saying 'gonna do this and that' but they are talking about the baby like nothing could possibly go wrong in pregnancy...

e.g - Aaliyah plays up and I get a little stressed, I get...''How are you gonna cope with 2?'' Not even thinking 'oh my god, i wont say that, what if something goes wrong and ive said something so horrible?' maybe just how I think?

and people keep referring to the baby as ''Him''...I already have a girl so it would be nice to have a boy but I arent bothered as long as everythings fine and people are drilling ''Him'' into my head!

 

[DaisieBee]

I wish my in laws would get excited. I love it when people get excited about baby, my parents are and it is really important to me that my child has a strong relationship with its grandparents and really want them to bond early on.
People suggest things and then say 'if you want, i dont want to interfere...' and i think, well you have done this before so please make suggestions and tell me things and let me learn from you.
Its your baby and noone can make you or your child do anything you and oh arent happy with, but try to be pleased people care enough to do things like consider changing plans in their house for you - to me thats an amazing gesture!

 

[poppyangel]

Yes I agree, parents etc are making plans and not asking me - telling me!