Is it a "man" thing?? please advise before I go ma

[Julia]

Hi All!

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second baby..

I have a two year old little girl who is my pride and joy...

Both me and my DH work full time (in the same place)...

Lately I am feeling that my Dh is getting on with everything he wants to do and I am left to bring up my little girl. Don't get me wrong, when I want a night out (which is hardly ever at the moment cos I am taking it easy) he will willingly encourage me to go and take over with my little girl. He is also good around the house and helps out quite a lot.

Is this a feeling that other women have or is it my hormones? He goes to the gym 4 nights a week, goes out for a pint maybe twice a week and on other nights is late home because of meetings in work. Speaking to other friends, they say that their DH's play golf, go biking, play rugby etc. It is apparently a "man" thing.

He spends time with our little girl (taking her for long walks and going to the park etc), he absolutely adores her and has her when I ask but this is after all his activities are over for the evening!!

Advice needed please!!!

Julia xxxxx

 

[charlotte_]

i think it's yr hormones! i keep thinking stupid things about my OH, like he's cheating on me or he's gonna leave me. but i never ever felt this way before, so i just put it down to hormones.

 

[Julia]

Thanks Charlotte,

I think i am having time to reflect now that I am not doing so much (as in my social life). I am thinking alot in the evenings about these things and also because I am going to bed earlier I have time to think then....

I feel like am I always nagging my DH and he had the cheek to say "stop putting constrictions on me!" - what about the constrictions on ME? ?????

It does not help when other people say things like "your other half has got it good". It makes me feel like a walk over - which I am not!!

I have never believed in trying to stop a partner doing what they want to do (with reason) but now I am having second thoughts!? Am I too soft??

Julia xxxx

 

[hennaly]

Its not a man thing, its a damned right selfish thing.
To be honest i dont think its has anything to do with him having an affair but i would be upset that he seems to want to spend little time at home with me, its lovely he adores your daughter but what about you.
I personally think 2 nights out a week up the gym or else where is enough, any more and i would be very upset and offended.

 

[JulesK81]

Hi Julia,

I think the problem is with men is that even though it may be their OH's who are pregnant, they don't have to live through the pregnancy themselves. They can never fully understand the symptoms, the constrictions it places on us, etc. Their life personally doesn't change until the baby is here - harsh but a true reality! They can still do exactly what they want, without feeling their body will fall to bits or have the freedom to go out to the pub and have a few, whatever.

I have the best hubby in the world who is really conscious of the fact I am due to pop at any time now and therefore have zero social life. Due to health issues before pregnancy I haven't got drunk since he proposed two years ago! During the pregnancy I have been through our birthdays, Xmas, New Year, stag dos, the wedding... all occasions where OH was able to let his hair down, but I couldn't. Even my hen do was ruined in the evening when I had a minor bleed!!!!

The hormones don't help at all and make it all feel a million times worse, at least for me. If I have been at home all day alone, the last thing I want to hear is 'I'm popping to the pub for a couple!'.

My hubby does compromise though, he'll perhaps go to the gym a couple of times a week and then to the pub once and even then he is still home early. He doesn't take the mickey cos he realises that at the moment I am a total social hermit! He is also already encouraging me to go out once LO arrives so I can gain some of my independence back.

Your blokes won't ever realise it though until you talk to them - it really is a man thing and a lot have the mentality of 'why should my life change when I am not carrying the baby?' It's only when you tell them how difficult it is that they actually twig!!!! It does work both ways though, I think it is totally unfair to expect OH's to put their life on hold for 9 months all cos we can't do as much, but there should definitely be enough understanding on their part so they don't take the piss.

Plus it's a big change for them - loads of them still act like kids themselves and it could also be their way of getting it out their system before the endless nights of going out comes to an abrupt end

That's only my take on it though - and I am extra lucky that I have an understanding bloke who puts up with all the hormonal junk I throw his way!!!!

x