Insensitive comment from otherwise lovely OH

[Beatlesfan]

Well, after a troubled night with LO, went to bed at 12.30 am very unsettled as she has a snuffly cold thing going on at the moment, waking for her dummy at 3.30am, a feed at 4.30am, dummy from 6.30am until I gave in and fed her at 7.30am (she didn't take much for either feed, prob difficult with bunged up nose ) eventually OH woke up and said "Oh that's the worse night sleep I have had yet!" I thought What about Me??? I am the one who gets up and feeds her pretty much every night without complaint (except maybe a little moan every now and then about tiredness...which I think is fair enough!!!) AND I was the one who actually got up and comforted / dealt with LO in night, not just woke a little and then turned over and went back to sleep!!!

But then, he said what I don't realise is when I turn or reach over to LO in her moses basket next to me, I take the duvet with me a bit and he is left with none..... HELLOOOOOOO! My f***ing priority at that point is LO, not the distribution of duvet!!!

At 7.45am ish I asked OH to continue feeding LO to give me a break and and he sighed so I said don't bother, but he did (I think if he resents it I'd rather he didn't do it) and I stayed in bed with him looking after her downstairs until he had to go to college. That made me feel a little better but all day (until I had a long sleep this pm) I was in a foul mood and VERY tearful. At any point I could have burst out crying. I kept thinking oh god this could be the return of PMS as it reminded me of that but I think after a sleep I feel less tearful so maybe it was just sleep deprivation.

OH is normally very supportive but sometimes I just feel like I can't keep on top of it all. OH usually does night feeds for me once a week ish but I have to ask usually. It would be nice if he initiated it as a regular thing, you know like he thinks about how he plans his time for bike rides maybe do the same for me?? The lack of sleep just catches up with me so much over a week. It's been 9 days since I have had unbroken sleep (last time Oh did night feeds) and I have asked him to do it tomorrow night as he has nothing planned for Thurs, so he can catch up on sleep during day.

I always say to him to sleep in spare room cos he always moans about bad night's sleep when in our room with LO. But I know it's nice to cuddle etc. but it's important that at least one of us gets quality sleep and TBH I can't stand the moaning the day after. I feel guilty and feel bad that the baby wakes him up and it's not her fault.

Also am looking after my mum's needy little dog this week as a favour (she on hols) and it's soooo much hassle. He is quite old and follows me everywhere, just sits and stares at me. I feel bad as he wants attention but my priority is the baby and it's starting to get to me cos I can't do both. I feel so guilty. He needs walking 4 times a day and out in garden every few hours. I have decided not to look after him again as it is too much. Sounds pathetic but the minute I start feeling resentment for something I think I need to not do that or make a change!!

We used to have a dog (my partner's dog) but I really didn't want the dog as I felt we couldn't give the dog a quality life (no time for proper walks etc) and I just like to do my own thing indoors, as well as having an OCD thing about dog hair!!, so I know it sounds selfish (but being honest) I couldn't support my partner in looking after the dog when he was at college or out for day etc. I started to feel resentment and knew that it would get worse if we had a baby. Even now I think how would we have time to sort dog as it takes me 2 hours to get mysefl and LO ready!! Anyways, OH's parents look after the dog now and having my mum's little dog for the week has reiterated my views on having a dog for the time being, e.g. not at the present time. My baby comes first and any time I have to invest will go on her. Sorry to all dog lovers out there, no offence intended and be rest assured I have been and will look after my mum's dog very well this week. He was a family pet when I lived at home so I do love him, and he is a sweet dog, I think I am just in a bad mood today and need some quality ME time. Going to go and spend time stroking dog for a bit, feel guilty now!!! then off to bro's as it's my niece's bday today, she is 1. Maybe family time will lighten my mood and emotions.

Sleep deprivation SUCKS.... I am looking forward to my unbroken sleep tomorrow night...

 

[1sttimemum]

Ahhhhhh

Why dont you try and get a nice relaxing bath!!

I must admit the bit about your OH's comments about the duvet made me laugh, my OH commented on my growing stretchmarks today - so they all have their stupid moments. I think they need to be told - their not as clever as us lol

 

[emma28]

Bless you

Your DH sounds like a decent enough bloke, you should tell him how you feel. Half the time they just drift about in their own little worlds and don't realise that we are about at breaking point until we actually do snap. Or at least thats my experience of it anyway. Then he's like ' well, why didn't you just say?'

And get him his own duvet, poor man!

 

[Beatlesfan]

We did have a chat and it was exactly that...why didn't you say?

Women are so intuitive and sensitive we try hard not to offend and men just want it spelt out loud and clear (in a way that would prob upset us women).

I do feel loads better - thanks for your replies.

As for the duvet.... hmmm. that must just be too rational getting him his own not sure if being rational is part of my womanly make-up....

 

[emma28]

Glad you sorted it anyway!!

 

[maria1976]

I hope it gets better hon, ive had unbroken sleep now for 18 weeks and luckily im used to it now. my hubby sleeps on our huge comfy sofa, while I wake hour after hour for the feeds, I must admit now ive started her on a little baby rice she only woke up every 2 or so hours last night i feel like a new woman today!!

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I sympathise hun.

My DH is wonderful but works too hard and does too long hours which means he comes home knackered at 7.30pm and falls asleep around 9 so I dont get any respite from feeding and generally looking after James.

Yet he is the one constantly moaning about how tired he is! His favourite strap line is "I know your the one getting up with him but his crying wakes me up so Im not getting that deep sleep that you need to stop feeling tired" !!!!

God the thought of just waking up for a couple of mins when James wakes up crying and then to be able to drift back off to sleep in a matter of minutes sounds amazing to me!!
He also seems to be living in some parallel dimension because he is convinced he also gets up with LO in the night, and I can remember once in the whole time James has been born that DH has given him a night feed, and he has changed his nappy in the night about 5 times in total!!
And then when he DOES do it its like he should have a medal or sommat and im supposed to bow down and worship him cos he has got up with him!
MEN!
He does get up with him of a weekend though in the morning to let me have a lie in which is lovely so I cant complain too much. Its just crazy how different the psyche of men is compared to us women.